


Nothing like Home

by Prettyyoungtragedy



Series: Nothing Like Home [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Trailer, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettyyoungtragedy/pseuds/Prettyyoungtragedy
Summary: Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go very well. Events of Ultron will feature.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Drop me some feedback, I love hearing about my writing! :)  
> This fic is a reader insert, which will refer to the reader as Y/N (Your Name)

Y/N dropped down into the foam mat, dripping with sweat and exhausted from the extensive obstacle challenge Clint had set up for them. It was like cross fit but for Avengers, ropes and barbells were strewn all over the gym floor. Clint stood over Y/N,

“You need to get stronger, you are getting complacent” he pointed out, he had hardly broken a sweat during the course, you ignored him and closed your eyes trying to steady your heartbeat. Clint had always pushed you harder than anyone else when he trained because he knew you had a lazy streak in you and it showed when the Avengers were not on a mission or off saving the world. You would lay around watching Netflix and binge eating Chinese food when everyone else was training in their spare time. You argued that you was just trying to be normal but as Tony pointed out you would never be normal much to your dismay.

“Let’s go do more cardio” Clint said, walking away from you.

Y/N sat up abruptly “Absolutely not!” you whined “I am going to honestly puke if I do any more, Clint please”, Clint looked back at you and shook his head

“Y/N you can’t keep trying to get out of training, this is part of the job” he said,

“I am staging a protest, this is against my civil rights” You complained “I am going to the union!”

Clint chuckled, “Then take it up with the Captain, he is the union around here” he replied, then begun to pick up the gym gear off the floor and putting it back into its place.

Just then Natasha walked into the gym, she was wearing her all black gym attire, her red hair up in a high ponytail. “Oh, are you done already?” she asked, Clint looked over at Y/N who was still laying on the floor a sweaty mess,

“Yes, because someone” he glared at you “Quit before the end”,

“Ah, that’s too bad I was going to join in” Natasha said, seeming genuinely disappointed

You stood up slowly, every muscle in her body aching as you did so. “Nat, let’s go watch Netflix, you don’t want to train with Clint” you said groaning, “He is a monster”,

Natasha looked between the two of you and then laughed, “Y/N you are just lazy” she replied and then begun to stretch “I haven’t done any training, so I think I’ll stick around”,

“Suit yourself,” You shrugged, “I am out of here,” and with that you quickly slipped out the gym and into the quiet corridor of the state of the art Avengers Tower.

Y? walked silently towards her room, wanting nothing more than to take a shower and lay down for a bit after the brutal training session. As she neared her room she saw Steve leaning against the wall of her bedroom door, the super soldier looked deep in thought.

“Steve?” You said walking up to him, Steve snapped out of his trance and looked at you, his light blue eyes glazed over. “Everything okay?”,

Steve sighed and covered his face with his hands, his muscular arms almost bursting out of his shirt. “What happened Steve?” You asked, “Do you want to go to my room?”,

Steve shook his head “I just …” he trailed off not completing his sentence, you saw he was in distress not knowing what to do you quickly came up with a plan.

“Hold on,” You said, then darted into your room and quickly shimmied out of your workout clothes, splashed your face and neck with water, and doused yourself in a shit ton of deodorant not wanting to go out smelling like a turd. Y/N emerged from her bedroom wearing a simple white tshirt, blue jeans and black sneakers.

“Let’s get out of here” You said to the Captain, pulling Y/H/C into a messy bun.

Steve followed you silently as you walked through the quiet facility towards the garage. Tony had given each of you a car when they joined the Avengers, sort of like a welcome gift. It was a two hundred and fifty-thousand-dollar welcome gift you though as you walked up to the sleek black Mercedes Benz.

Steve looked over at Y/N, “This is yours?” he asked surprised,

You nodded and smiled widely “Birthday gift from Tony, also partly a welcome gift apparently” you said,

Steve shook his head and said nothing, getting into the sleek vehicle.

Steve Rogers had fascinated you since you joined the avengers a few years back, he always kept to himself and rarely interacted with the rest of the team on a social level, save for Sam and Natasha. You and Steve had bonded during the battle of Triskelion, when the Winter Soldier had emerged and Steve found out it was Bucky. When S.H.I.E.L.D fell, He had spent months after that looking for Bucky, and you had offered to help him not really having anything else to do. You didn’t think the two of you would have become so close, but you kind of became each other confidants which you appreciated because you always felt like an outsider to the team.

“I vote we go and get some ice cream” You announced as you pulled away from the Avengers Tower, “That’s always a good idea,”

The pair headed away from the facility, making menial conversation along the way. After a while Steve reverted to sullen silence and stared out the window at the passing trees. You glanced over at him, your heart went out to the super soldier when you saw the sadness in his eyes, Steve had been through so much not just lately but his whole life and now knowing that Bucky was still alive and out there as a Hydra agent, you could see it was eating him up. You, Steve and Sam had been searching for Bucky for almost a year now and all you had come up with was dead leads, and with every dead-end Steve became more despondent. His usual spry self, disappearing more and more into despair. He tried not to show it but you noticed it more than anyone. 

You decided to stop at a bar instead of getting ice cream, pulling into the lot of a nearby bar, you shut off the engine.

“I thought we were getting ice cream,” Steve said,

“Change of plans” You respond

“You know I can’t get drunk, right? So, it’s a little redundant for me to drink” Steve pointed out,

“Well then you can watch me drink”

Steve shook his head “What is the point of taking me out then if I have to just watch you drink?”

You sighed “Steve, just participate okay.”

The super soldier shook his head and then got out of the car, Steve was the worst when he was in a bad mood. He acted like a spoiled brat when he didn’t want to do something, sometimes you wondered how he was one of earths mightiest heroes with such a bad attitude.

Once inside they got a quiet booth in the corner and Y/N ordered two beers and a tray of twelve tequilas. Steve pulled a face at her when she ordered the tequilas, “Aren’t you driving?” he said as the waitress walked away

“Steve, can you stop acting like a dad for one second and just trust me? We are here to have fun so get your shit together” you said almost snapping at him,

Steve held up his hands in surrender, “Okay, relax, geez.”

You ignore his reaction, “So, what’s on your mind?” you asked, knowing that there was a reason Steve had come to you earlier. Even though you wanted to cheer him up you knew that he had to talk about whatever was on his mind, that’s just the way he was.

“It was nothing,”

“Steve… Just talk to me,”

Steve sighed deeply, his shoulder drooping as if they carried the weight of the world, which in Steve’s case wasn’t untrue. “I need to find him Y/N,” he said quietly “But it feels like the harder we look, the less likely we are to find him”,

“We will find him Cap, we will.” you replied,

“We have been looking for almost two years now,” he said exasperatedly, “And nothing. How could I not know that he was alive? He was…is my best friend”, the pain in Steve’s voice was evident.

You and Steve had, had this conversation multiple times and no matter how many times you tried to comfort him, he was just inconsolable. you knew the only way this pain would go away was if they found Bucky.

Before you could answer, the waitress appeared with their drinks. She placed a beer in front of Steve and smiled flirtatiously at him “Enjoy” she said winking at him and touching his shoulder before walking away.

Steve didn’t even seem to notice her flirting with him, he picked up his beer and begun to gulp it. You stared at him with raised eyebrows as he chugged through the entire beer in under a minute, he placed the empty bottle on the table with a thud.

“Okay then…” You said, surprised at what he had done. Steve was always so composed, this new side of him sort of excited you. Maybe the Captain would act less tick up his ass and a little more on the wild side you thought.

“Steve, it’s not your fault” You began,

“Nothing ever is,” he shot back bitterly not letting her finish, “That’s what everyone says, ‘Steve it’s not your fault’, but you aren’t ninety-five living in an era you shouldn’t even be alive in. You wouldn’t even begin to understand what it’s like to carry the weight of the dead.”

“You don’t have to carry it alone Steve” you interjected in his little rant,

“I do! That’s the whole point, you, Sam, Tony, none of you would even begin to understand this” he gestured to himself, “You all just go on with your lives, you get that luxury, I don’t”

“Tell me about it then,” You say softly reaching across the table and placing her hand over his “I want to help.”

Steve looked at her, his stunning blue eyes glinting under the fluorescent lights of the booth. “You can’t help me” he muttered sullenly, pulling his hand way then Steve pulled the tray of tequila towards him and wordlessly begun downing all the shots while Y/N sat in silence watching him pound through them.

Steve placed the last shot glass down with a thud, he had twelve shots of tequila in a row and seemed completely and utterly fine.

“That was disgusting.” He said pulling a face, 

You laughed “It’s tequila, what were you expecting.”

You were waiting for the other shoe to drop, and half expected him to pass out but he just sat there looking sullen,

Suddenly a bold idea popped into your head, “Want to go blow off some steam?” you asked him,

He looked up at you, “What do you have in mind?”,

Y/N smiled widely, “You’ll see.” Then you motioned for the bill from the waitress.


	2. The Knock out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. The reader and Steve partake in some light sparring, needless to say it doesn't end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love feedback, so please feel free to critique my work because I am my own biggest critic!  
> This is a reader insert fic so reader will feature as Y/N (your name)

Y/N found herself once more being tossed onto the gym floor, your body colliding with the foam mats. you grunted, winded. Captain America stood over you, barely out of breath a light sheen of sweat covered his limbs.

“Sloppy,” he said giving you a hand, you grabbed it and he hauled you to her feet. “Work on your footwork, you won’t beat anyone in hand to hand combat if you have sloppy footwork.” The super soldier pointed out.

You, now dripping in sweat for the second time today, just nodded and readied yourself to attack again raising your fists and bouncing lightly on the balls of your feet, “Come at me,” you said breathlessly.

Steve smiled slightly and attacked, they went back and forth, thwacking each other with blow after blow. You knew Steve was pulling his punches but as the two of you went on he began to hit harder and harder. The concentration that he exhibited was phenomenal, every punch and kick landing precisely where he meant them to. You stepped, dodged and blocked to the best of your ability but every now and again you felt a new bruise arising where the Captain hit you. Slowly the Avengers team trickled into the gym to watch the two of you spar, Tony and Sam passed money across to each other clearly betting on the sparring match, Bruce stood in the corner looking more and more concerned as time went on and Clint and Natasha sat on a bench intently watching your moves.

The two of you had been sparring for well over thirty minutes, and your annoyance was building up as you tried to best the Captain in hand to hand combat. You made the mistake of looking into his blue eyes and became distracted for a moment, then suddenly in your distracted state Steve swung at your face, not expecting the blow you didn’t block his closed fist and it collided heavily with the side of your head. Sending you sprawling across the gym floor and into the nearby wall.

“Y/N!” Bruce exclaimed, the whole team sprang to their feet and rushed towards you. Steve was the first one by your side, “I’m so sorry!” he said repeatedly, you groaned, your head pounding and vision blurred with bright spots.

You barely heard anything Steve was saying, you tasted blood in your mouth. You couldn’t tell if you were crying or if your eyes were watering from the hit you just took. Steve helped you sit up and Bruce pulled out a small flash light, “Follow the light Y/N” he ordered, you did as he said finding it hard to track the light as your head spun dizzily and your neck was screaming with pain.

“What were you thinking!?” Tony half yelled at Steve, “You could have killed her!”

“I didn’t know she wasn’t focusing!” Steve defended himself, “I’m sorry.”

“Tony calm down,” Natasha said, bending over to see if you were okay, you couldn’t steady yourself, the room spun dangerously and you felt like you were about to throw up. You tried to talk but the vertigo was getting the best of you and all you managed to do was groan in pain. There was a sharp pain in your neck when you tried to move.

“Banner?” Tony said, “What’s the prognosis?”,

Bruce looked up at the group that surrounded you, “She’s got a bad concussion and I think one of the disk in her upper spinal column might have shifted, I won’t be able to tell you much until we do x-rays” 

Sam whistled “Damn…That was some hit Cap” he said scratching his head,

Steve had a look of utter horror on his face as Bruce gave his prognosis,

“We need to get x-rays done on her as soon as possible” Bruce said, “Tell Jarvis to activate the MRI in my lab” Bruce kicked into doctor mode, “Get her a stretcher, be gentle when you move her” he ordered Clint and Sam.

Clint and Sam headed off to get the stretcher while Tony retrieved the first aid kit from one of the cupboards in the gym.

He pulled out an injection and handed it to Bruce, “Painkiller” he explained, he pointed to your now swelling face “It will help with the pain”, Bruce administered the injection and then looked at Steve, his face was a mask of anguish as he watched them rush about trying to get you out of the gym.

“Captain, would you mind helping me carry her” Bruce said,

Steve just nodded and moved over to where Bruce had pointed, just then Sam and Clint came bustling through the doors with the stretcher, Steve and Sam picked you up slowly and immediately you felt horrendous pain shoot throughout your body. You wanted to scream out in pain but you saw the look in Steve’s eyes and just squeezed your eyes shut and bit your lip, you felt your skin split from the strength with which you bit your lip and within a few minutes the painkillers kicked in and you passed out.

The steady beeping of the heart rate monitor woke you, you opened your eyes slowly. your head was still pounding obviously from the concussion, you were in the sick bay of the Avengers Tower, and had a brace on your neck. You didn’t know the extent of your injuries but looking down at your body you saw it covered in bruises from your sparring match with the Captain.

Looking around the room you saw Steve laying on the couch nearby passed out and coughed slightly, immediately regretting it as pain lanced across your face. As you were about to pull the IV drip, that had been neatly inserted into your arm, out, Steve woke up.

He looked over at you and immediately sat up, “You’re awake!” he said sounding relieved,

“Why do I feel like I have been hit by a ton of bricks?” you groan, sitting up slowly.

Steve quickly came over to help you sit up, “I am so sorry Y/N, I didn’t realize how hard I was hitting you. I’ll never forgive myself, I …”

“Steve, I am fine, it’s just a concussion” you say trying to down play your injuries,

“You have a fractured cheek bone,” said Steve, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed.

“It’ll heal,” you reply rolling your eyes, it technically was your idea to spar with the super soldier, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you took him on. So, in a way this injury was deserved.

“I shouldn’t have agreed to spar with you…” Steve began,

“Steve.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

“Yes Ma’am”

Just then, Bruce and Sam walked into the room, “Ah hey! You are finally wake!” Sam said cheerily, ‘For a moment there I thought we lost you to the light,”

Steve groaned and held his head in his hands at Sam’s comment, you couldn’t help but chuckled.

“How are you feeling Y/N?” asked Doctor Banner as he checked your vitals and readjusted your IV.

“I feel fine,” you reply, looking at all their faces you could see they clearly didn’t believe you, “Seriously, guys I am okay.”

You sat up and swung your legs off the side of the bed to get up and all three of them in unison tried to stop you,

“Whoa, Whoa, wait! You shouldn’t get out of bed.” Said Bruce,

“You shouldn’t walk around yet.” Sam,

“You need rest” Steve agreed.

You snorted at their warnings and simply got off the bed, standing upright without any difficulty. Pulled the IV out of your arm and removed the heart rate monitor. All three of them looked at you in shock,

“How is that possible?” Bruce said stunned,

You shrug, “I heal quickly” you respond nonchalantly “Why do you think I would spar with fucking Captain America”

Sam and Steve exchanged a look, “How long have you known this Y/N?” Steve asked,

“My whole life…?”

Steve looked at Bruce with a knowing look, it wasn’t one of worry but rather of curiosity.

Bruce looked her over and rubbed his hands together in the usual way he did when he was thinking fast.

“Jarvis” he called out,

“Yes, Doctor Banner?”

“Would you please ask Tony to join us in the lab?” he said, not taking his eyes of Y/N.

“Right away Sir.”


	3. The Slap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature. Steve becomes protective, needless to say nothing seems to be going right for either of them. and a peculiar discovery is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED!
> 
> This is a reader insert fic, Y/N (your name)

A few days later, Bruce and Tony ran test after test on you, drawing multiple vials of blood. Eventually they said you could leave the lab, much to your relief. They didn’t tell you what was going on, speaking in hushed whispers around you. You didn’t have the energy at that point to care about what was going on, so once you left the lab you headed straight for the kitchen, you needed food in you asap. You were unconscious for a few days so you hadn’t had any solid food in a while.

As you walked passed one of the large living rooms, you looked through the large glass wall and saw Natasha and Steve sitting on one of the couches looking over a map in front of them. They seemed to be having a heated discussion, your curiosity won over and you walked into the room. as you did they both stopped talking.

“What’s up?” you asked,

“We found Loki’s scepter,” Nat said,

“Nat,” Steve cautioned,

She turned to him with an annoyed look, “She is just as much a part of the team as the rest of us, Steve” she snapped,

You looked at Steve puzzled, why didn’t he want you knowing about a mission. “Where is it? And When do we leave?” you asked,

“With Baron Wolfgang von Strucker one of the notorious heads of Hydra in Sokovia and Tonight,” was Steve’s response,

You couldn’t help but grin, for some reason a mission of this magnitude excited you. The Avengers had been looking for Loki’s scepter since S.H.I.E.L.D fell and now locating it was the best news they had heard all year. You listened to Steve and Nat speak about the logistics of the mission. The rest of the team had joined them in the living room at this point.

Once the team meeting was over, everyone went their separate ways to prepare, Y/N headed straight to the kitchen. As you walked in Bruce was sitting at the island counter, drinking coffee and reading a large book in front of him.

“Hey Bruce,”

“Hey Y/N,” he replied not looking up from his book,

You shrugged, and grabbed a croissant from the counter then headed off to your room to prepare for the mission.

A couple of hours later, while the team assembled in the hangar with the Quinjet preparing for departure. You were rushing across the Avengers tower being the last to get ready, when you bumped into Sam.

He wasn’t in his gear, “You aren’t going?” you ask him,

Sam shook his head “No, I’m hanging back I have a lead on our missing person”,

“Bucky?” excitement creeping into your voice,

“Maybe,” Sam smiled, “But I’m not getting our hopes up, don’t tell Steve just yet”

You nod, the last thing you needed to do was give the Captain false hope and this lead would just be another dead end.

“Well, I’m out of here,” you said to him, giving him a quick hug “keep me updated,” you call out as you hurriedly walk away.

As you neared the hangar, the door in front of you suddenly slid shut and you heard the lock click into place. “What the …” you say, dropping your bag to the floor, and going up to the door. You give it a few tugs but it doesn’t budge.

“Jarvis?” you call out,

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N”

“Why did you lock the door?”

“I am sorry Miss Y/L/N, Captains Orders.” Jarvis responded through the intercom,

“Jarvis, open the fucking door.”

“Unfortunately, I cannot do that,”

“Jarvis, open the door or I will break it down with my bare hands” you said hostilely,

“I have contacted Captain Rogers, Miss Y/L/N, he will be with you in just a moment” responded the A.I

Just then Steve appeared on the other side of the door, and Jarvis opened it for him. He stepped in wearing his Captain suit, which hugged his hulking frame perfectly.

“Y/N, you aren’t coming to Sokovia” he said, placing his shield in its grip on his back.

“On whose authority?” you demanded,

“On mine, you aren’t at full strength, you are coming off an injury and will be a liability to the rest of the team”

“What fucking authority do you have over me?” you exclaim at Steve, anger building up inside of you. This was all his fault to begin with, how dare he stop you from going on a mission.

“I am the Captain of this team Y/N,” Steve’s voice raised slightly, “You will stay with Sam, and rest up”

“Are you actually kidding me? This is a joke, right?!” you said stunned, “Steve, I am fucking fine. Don’t do this.”

The rest of the team stood behind Steve watching their conversation unfold, Bruce stepped forward “Y/N, it’s for the best, trust me this isn’t a mission you want to mess up on”

You looked at your team members, all of them avoided making eye contact with you

You looked Steve, “Well fuck you Rogers, Thanks for nothing” and then flipped him off before turning your back on him and storming off back into the tower.

You angrily walked back into the anteroom where all the suits and fighting gear was kept and threw your bag on the floor. Your heart was beating hard and fast from anger, as you were about to punch the wall, Steve appeared behind you.

“Y/N” he said softly,

“What?” you spat whirling around to face him, you hadn’t expected him to be so close to you as you came toe to toe with him.

“This is about more than just you,” He said, but before he could finish you slapped him across the face.

You yourself were amazed at the brute force you threw behind the slap and instantly regretted it. Steve had a look of utter disbelief on his face when he recovered from the slap. His left hand on the side of his face where you hit him.

“Steve, I…” you wanted to apologize but the super soldier didn’t give you the chance. He turned and walked away not looking back.


	4. The Cover up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature. 
> 
> The reader makes a discovery that could ruin the team...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love feedback, so drop me some if you feel like it!
> 
> This is a reader insert fic! (Y/N - Your name)

It had been a week since the team had left for Sokovia, they would check back in with the Tower every so often. Sam and yourself occupied your time with searching for Bucky, the clues Sam had found turned out to be dead ends but you caught a little trail somewhere over in Craiova, Romania. A wireless camera had picked up facial recognition approximating the appearance of one James Buchanan Barnes.

You sprang into action the moment you came across this information, you were sitting at one of the computers in the lab, mindlessly chewing on a pen you held when the screen lit up and Jarvis spoke.

“Miss Y/N/L, I believe we might have located sergeant Barnes” he said, you sat upright in your chair and looked intently at the footage on the screen. It was a frame where Bucky had looked at a camera for a split second before turning away. That was enough for you to go on, you grabbed your phone and ran to your room, Sam was still away in Washington looking into leads so you were in the Tower by yourself.

Hurriedly you packed a bag and grabbed what was necessary before heading off to the hangar to use a quinjet. As you reached the anteroom to the hangar, you donned your suit and strapped on black Kevlar, and took the necessary weapons, even though you knew you didn’t need any.

As you were about to leave Jarvis spoke, “Miss Y/L/N should I inform Mr Stark or Captain Rogers of your departure?”

“No Jarvis, let’s keep this between us” you respond getting into the quinjet,

“I would advise against going after The Winter Soldier alone, Miss Y/L/N” he said,

“Inform Tony and ONLY Tony where I have gone but only once I arrive” you sigh then start up the quinjet and pilot it off the hangar.

“Very well, safe returns Miss Y/L/N”.

A couple of hours later, you turn on the quinjet autopilot. Feeling sleepy you move over to one of the seats to take a nap hoping time will pass by quickly and you could reach your destination faster. The silence on the Quinjet stressed you out, you were always on one of these with the rest of the team. You always had Bruce and Tony arguing about some science thing, occasionally Thor was around making silly comments, Sam, Clint and Natasha forever making bets on their mission outcomes and Steve trying to wrangle everyone together to listen to his ‘We need a plan of attack plans’. They had in a way become your family, since you had none of your own.

You slept relatively easily on the quinjet and were alerted when you were going to make a landing at the air strip in Bucharest. After disembarking you quickly made your way through the airport and custom security escorted you with the help of one of Tony’s contacts in Bucharest which helped you get your weapons through.

You got a cab and headed to your hotel, you wanted to draw the least amount of attention while in Bucharest for fear Bucky saw you or worse someone else. Once at your hotel room, you quickly dump all your items and dress in your gear, you had to get out and try find Bucky before night fell or you would be wasting precious time. He could have moved on already.

You headed out of the room with your weapons and the only form of communication you took was your phone. Hailing a cab to the area Bucky had been spotted, you ask around about him showing vendors and shop owners his photo, a young boy comes up to you speaking Romanian. You didn’t understand what he was saying but he beckoned towards you then begun to walk away, you followed him assuming that’s what he meant.

A few blocks after following the child, he pointed you to a large apartment complex. It wasn’t anything fancy, simple red and cream building a little run down. The kid points to the photo in your hand and then at the building and says “Soldat” in a thick Romanian accent, your heart begins to thump as you look at the building, could you have finally found The Winter solider.

You hurriedly walk up the stairs of the building, taking every caution not to be seen and made your way into the building and walked around for a bit taking note of the exits and floors of the building. You have no idea how you are going to find Bucky in this large building but your best bet was to linger around until you spotted him.

It wasn’t even twenty minutes into you surveying the building when you spotted him. There was no

mistaking him, his long black hair beneath the baseball cap, the hulking size of his arms beneath the

black jacket and the unmistakable black leather glove that he wore covering up his bionic metal arm.

Y/N would never forget that face, not after he tried to kill you several times during the Battle of Triskelion. He had put bullet in your back and thankfully Tony and Bruce had saved your life. You watched Bucky go into the building, waited a few moments then followed him in.

He walked up the stairs, with you quietly following him. You followed him up nine flights of stairs and then he stopped at one of the doors, and looked around almost like he knew he was being watched then hastily unlocked it and went in.

Your heart was hammering, as you approached the door. You had finally found him and he looked as normal as ever. You stood outside the door to Bucky’s apartment, and just froze up. you didn’t know whether to knock or break the door down. As you raised your hand to knock on the door, it suddenly flew open and a metal arm came flying towards your face, you tried to agilely dodge it but it was too fast and within seconds a cold metal fist closed around your neck dragging you into the dark apartment.

Bucky slammed you into the wall, winding you. Your instincts are all screaming for you to fight back but you don’t, knowing it will only make it worse for one of you, you needed him to know you had come as a friend not a foe.

“How did you find me?!” he snarled at you tightening his grip on your already fragile neck,

“You know me Bucky” you gasped against his grip, “You know me!”

He lifted you up, your feet dangling in the air as he held you suspended by the vice grip of his metal arm. “How did you find me” he repeated, by now you are chocking and a ringing in your ears has begun as your air supply is being entirely cut off, you can feel the blood pumping rapidly to your brain.

“I-I-I can-n-n-t br-e-a” you choke out,

A sudden flash of guilt flits across Bucky’s face and he drops you, releasing your neck. You fall to the ground gasping and coughing for air, Bucky picked up his gun and aimed it at you, “Why have you come?” he said in a dark voice,

You looked up at the Winter Soldier, he looked tired, dark cirlces around his eyes, he almost looked gaunt like he was being haunted by something.

“For Steve,” you say, “Steve Rogers”

A look of recognition at the name but Bucky doesn’t say anything, “You know me Bucky,” you repeat,

“You made a mistake coming here” he said quietly, “you shouldn’t have come.”

You stood up slowly, raising your hand in surrender as he still points his hand gun at you. “Bucky, Steve can help you, just meet with him he knows people who can help you against what Hydra did to you.” You say, hoping he would lower his weapon.

“I can’t … I can’t go back there, I have done things, horrible things.” He stammered, your heart went out to him, you could hear the pain in his voice as the memories of his atrocities came back. Bucky did lower his weapon and rubbed his metal arm tiredly across his face, “I can’t be helped”

“I know you can” you said softly, “Because I have been there, I know what it’s like, the darkness that they put in you, it envelopes you, you feel like you can’t escape it but trust me Bucky, I escaped it and you can too”.

Bucky looked at you, “You …You were a Hydra agent?”

You nodded, “And Steve saved me, Bucky”.


	5. The Discussiom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature.
> 
> The reader finds common ground with Bucky, but what will she do with this information?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback as always is welcomed :)

Bucky took two long strides and in his small dark apartment was then standing right in front of you. You wanted to back away from him but you stood your ground, you could take him if you were lucky. But there was a shadow of doubt at the back of your mind when you looked at his hulking muscular arms,

“How do I know you aren’t still working for Hydra?” he questioned, distrust in his eyes.

“Because if I were working for Hydra, I probably would have already killed you Bucky,” you replied, “You know me, I fought alongside Steve, you shot me in the back” you lift your top and turned around so he can see the three-inch scar on your lower abdomen and your back where the bullet had sliced through. Bucky looked at the scar for a second then back at you,

“How the hell did you survive that?” Bucky said,

You shrug, “Just did.”

“That bullet was not meant for you,” Bucky said softly, “It was meant for Captain America, why did you shield him with your body?”

“Because that’s what you do for the people you love. Ever heard of the saying I’d take a bullet for you?” you reply with a small smile,

Bucky didn’t smile back, instead he turned around and placed his gun on the counter then went to sit on one of the chairs nearby. You were unsure on whether this meant you were a hostile or a friend to him yet but you didn’t move either way. Not wanting to scare him into attacking you.

“Sit.” He ordered.

You obliged and took a seat near him. You looked around at his apartment, it was dark and dingy, just a mattress on the floor, a couple of chairs and kitchen items and a bowl of ripe purple plums sat on the counter top. Bucky’s clothes were folded in a neat pile in the corner, along with a few knives and a few books.

“Do they know where you are?” Bucky asks,

You shook your head “No, no one knows yet.”

“Good, I’d like to keep it that way.”

“They can help you Bucky…” you start but he cuts you off by raising a hand,

“I don’t care, these people, they don’t know what was done to me. All they see is a monster that needs to be put down. I never asked for this life, it was thrust upon me.” He paused and sighed deeply, “Do you know what it’s like to come out of cryogenic stasis?”

You remained quiet and just let him do the talking, it was clear he needed to talk to someone about what happened to him.

“They made me the Winter Soldier, this stuff they put in my head, it’s all still there and just a few words can bring it out. I can’t be around people knowing that at any moment a switch could flip and I would hurt someone.”

“The team will understand, that wasn’t you” you said, but he wasn’t listening, he was so stuck in his own head he couldn’t seem to be reasoned with.

He suddenly looked at you, his pale blue eyes filled with emotion. “You won’t tell them I’m here, will you?” it was almost a plea, “I just need more time to figure everything out, give me more time”

You were quiet for a moment, then spoke. “I don’t know how much time I can buy you, Tony has to know by now where I am, I can stall them for as long as I can but I can’t make you any promises” you say, as much as you want Steve to know Bucky is okay, something connects you to Bucky’s distress. You feel like you have an obligation to help him, and if it meant lying to Steve and the rest of the team you would have to do it.

“Do you need anything?” you ask Bucky, looking around again at his sparse apartment,

He shook his head, “Just time, do the best you can to keep them away, Please.”

“What are you going to do if Hydra find you Bucky, you need protection.”

“I can protect myself, are you forgetting I am the Winter Soldier.” He responded.

You sigh exasperated, “Will you at least let me stay a few days?”, although you knew you being around here was a bad idea, in case anyone came sniffing out your trail it would lead them straight to Bucky.

But he answered your thoughts for you, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You being here will attract unwanted eyes,”

You had to agree, as much as you didn’t want to leave you knew you had to. This was the only way to protect him. The two of you sat and talked a little while longer, and before you knew it the sun was rising. It was weird how easily you made conversation with one of the most wanted Hydra assassins in over a century. Bucky was simple, his conversations were easy and as much as he showed little emotion you found it easy to be open with him and sympathize with him. You knew most of the team wouldn’t agree but you couldn’t help it.

“I should go,” you said moving from your seat after what felt like a life time, Bucky stood up with you, his whole demeanor had changed, he seemed so relaxed and even cracked a smile a few times while they talked. You told him about Steve and the team and he tried to retrace bits and pieces of his memory with your help. You felt a genuine friendship blossoming.

“Thank you,” Bucky said, looking intently at you, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had anyone to talk to so openly.”

You smiled at him, “Anytime you need me Bucky, I am a call away,” you said grabbing a random pen off the counter and taking his hand to write your number on it. “Don’t be a stranger, Sergeant Barnes”

“It’s been a long time since anyone has called me that” he mused,

“I mean it Bucky, I will help you as best I can,” you say solemnly then went towards him hesitating a little but then emboldening yourself you pulled Bucky in to an embrace. At first, he seemed stiff didn’t embrace you, but after a moment he relaxed and hugged you back. His hulking arms wrapping around your entire frame. You both lingered into the hug for a moment longer then stepped away from each other.

“Goodbye Bucky,” you say as you walk out of his dark apartment,

Bucky smiles, a weird sense of euphoria coming over him as he watches you leave the apartment, and shut the door behind you.


	6. The Pre Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature.
> 
> How long can the reader cover up their lie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always the best, so drop me some?

You arrived at the Tower to find Sam waiting for you in the hangar. He took arms crossed near the door with an annoyed expression on his face. You disembark the quinjet and walk up to him, you had been gone for less than 4 days but you didn’t give him any information on where you went or what you found and that annoyed him.

“Hey Sam,”

“You’re late.” He said, annoyed.

“I got you donuts though?” you said raising the box of donuts to Sam’s face with a grin,

He chuckled, “Come on, the rest of the team are already inside.”

“They’re back! Did they get the scepter?” you ask,

Sam nodded, “Yes, and more they took Strucker alive”

This was a win for the team, it meant they were one step closer to stopping whatever Hydra had planned, after the Chitauri attack and the Battle of Triskellion and Thor’s little incident in Greenwich, finding the scepter was a blessing.

“How’s everyone doing?” you asked Sam,

“Barton was hit, but nothing that can’t be fixed. Doctor Cho is with him and Nat now in the lab. The rest of the team are with the scepter, even Thor stuck around” he said,

You make a little more conversation on the hangar then you and Sam walk into the tower, Sam says he’s going to shower and that you let the rest of the team know you are back, they were all in Tony’s lab.

“Look alive Jarvis, Its play time” is the first thing you hear as you walk into the lab, Tony and Bruce were around the scepter running diagnostics and fiddling with different interfaces, “We only got a couple of days with this joystick so let’s make the most of it” said Tony walking up to one of the screens which was lit up in blue, red and green graphics.

You walk in, and Bruce turns to greet you first. “Y/N/ hey, where have you been?” he says giving you a quick hug,

“chasing leads on Cap’s missing person.” You respond, “Hey Tony,” you call out to him

He gives you a half wave but is so focused on the screen in front of him he barely notices you there.

“Where’s Barton?” you ask Bruce,

He points to the upper deck of the lab, “With Doctor Cho and Natasha, I’m on my way up there to check on him,”

You nod and follow Bruce up to the room where the geneticist and the two assassins were. Barton lay on the table as a machine ran a laser like beam on the side of his injury,

“You sure he is going to be okay, pretending we need this guy really brings the team together” Nat says grinning at Barton,

“There’s no possibility of deterioration” Doctor Cho said, “The nanomolecular functionality is instantaneous, his cells don’t know they are bonding with electrons”

“She’s creating tissue” Bruce says walking over to the side of the table, sounding like an excited school boy.

You step in after Bruce, “Hey Clint, Natasha,” you say, “How are you doing over there buddy?”

Clint looked at you with a smile, “Hey! You’re back! And in one piece!”

“Can’t say the same for you” you say back laughing,

Nat came over and gave you and hug, “You good?” she asked quietly, and you smile and nod in response.

Bruce and Doctor Cho busied themselves in conversation while you got the lowdown from Natasha on what had happened during the mission.

“Be glad you weren’t there” she said, “It was one of the toughest, I have ever been on.”

Tony suddenly walked into the room, holding four cups of green juice. “Oh, he’s flatlining, call it. Time?” He says sarcastically

“No no no, I’m going to live forever” chuckles and groans Barton and accepts the green juice Tony hands him, “I’m going to be made of plastic,”

“You will be made of you, Mr Barton, your own girlfriend won’t be able to tell the difference,” Doctor Cho says smiling at him,

“Well, I don’t have a girlfriend” Clint responds,

“That I can’t fix,” she says with a laugh,

You and Nat grab one of the green juices off the counter where Tony placed them, you wanted to go and find Steve so you excused yourself from the conversation, as you were walking out you heard Tony mention a party and you pause, “We’re having a party?!” you almost exclaim, all of them turned to you,

Tony grinned, “Yes, yes we are and it’s going to be full of revels!”

You grin widely, it had been a long time since they had any fun around the tower, and a party was exactly what they needed after the last few weeks.

You left the lab and headed downstairs to your room, the first thing you needed to do was shower after travelling for so many hours and you needed a long ass nap. as you hit the landing Thor came striding up to you, “Y/N” he called out opening his massive arms for an embrace,

“Oh hello God of Thunder”

Thor embraced you almost squeezing your lungs out, he sets you down after hugging you and has a big grin on his face. “Are you ready for revels?” he asks you,

You laughed out loud, “What is this revels thing you are all on about?” you ask him,

“Victories should be celebrated with revels!” Thor exclaims raising his fist in the air,

You cringe inwardly, Thor was always so theatrical it was almost embarrassing. “Okay then,” you chuckle, “Well I am off to get rested and prepared for those revels” you say then pat him on the shoulder and walk away shaking your head at the weird exchanges that always took place between you two.

Saturday came and the day of ‘Revels’ had begun with Tony getting everyone up to have a massive breakfast party, you all awoke to Tony announcing over the tower intercom that there was an emergency in the kitchen that everyone had to attend to too. You woke up hurriedly and pulled on a pair of shorts and a tshirt and ran barefoot to the kitchen, on the way you bumped Sam and Clint who were both still half asleep,

“What’s going on?” Clint asked,

You both shrugged and quickly made your way to the kitchen, where you bumped into Steve, you and he hadn’t spoken since you slapped him and you had made a point of avidly avoiding him around the tower.

Steve was pulling on a white t-shirt as he walked out of his room, his blonde hair a mess matted on his forehead. Your eyes met and he gave you a small smile, “Hey stranger,” he said in a husky voice the sleep still evident in his voice.

“Steve, I…” you started but he cut you off,

“Let’s talk later, let’s deal with Tony first.” Steve said brushing his blonde hair back, trying to neaten himself up.

Sam and Clint had gone ahead, and were already half way across the massive living room. the two of you hurried after them, and walk into the kitchen. Music was blaring over the sound system and Tony was standing at the stove dancing to the beat, two of the iron legion stood by flipping pancakes in harmony as Tony poured the batter into the pans. Thor and Bruce sat at the counter island and before them a massive spread of croissants, eggs, bacon, all types of fruit, and waffles. Everything breakfast type you could imagine was laid out, the smells coming from the kitchen were heavenly. Natasha stood near the coffee counter, taking out mugs for everyone with a big smile on her face. B

“What is all this, Tony?” Steve said in amazement,

Thor and Tony looked at each other and in unison said “REVELS!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the morning had taken a sudden turn and the whole team was in a great mood. There were worse ways you could have been woken up.

That morning, you all sat around the dining room table, eating the delicious breakfast and just enjoying each other’s company. Even Rhodey made an appearance. The atmosphere was light, and everyone was in a good mood. Finding Loki’s scepter was good for morale around the tower.

Later on, after breakfast everyone went their separate ways to get things done for the party that evening. Sam and Clint went to work out, Natasha said she was going with Agent Hill to run an errand and Thor just passed out on the couch, While Tony and Bruce retreated to the lab to run more test on the scepter. You and Steve were the last two in the dining room after everyone had excused themselves.

“So,” Steve said, “How’s the search for Bucky going?”

Your heart rate spiked immediately at the mention of Bucky, you knew this question was coming and you had completely forgotten what answer you were going to give him.

“Heard you went to Romania?” He said,

“Uh, yeah but that was another dead lead” you stutter, your heart thundering, “definitely not worth giving it a second thought.” You were trying to be as nonchalant as possible but you could see Steve staring at you intently.

He frowned, “Since when do you dismiss leads?” he asked, “You always triple check your sources, if there was a lead there it means he was there at some point, we should check it out again.”

You froze, “No, we shouldn’t, I might save something else in South America. It makes more sense for him to be there.” you start explaining why you think it’s more likely and you babble on about some bullshit until you think Steve is convinced.

He sat back in his chair with a sigh, “Sam came up empty handed as well,” he said folding his one arm over his chest pinching the bridge of his nose.

You felt terrible lying to Steve, but you knew if you told him where Bucky was he would go charging after him and make things worse for everyone. Bucky had asked for time and that’s entirely what you intended to do, buy Bucky as much time as he needed to figure stuff out.

“Steve, about what I did” you paused changing the topic, “I am really sorry I hit you,”

Steve chuckled, “Y/L it’s alright, I probably deserved it. I never knew you packed such a punch”

“So, we’re good?”

He nodded, “We are good, you can stop avoiding me now.”

“That obvious huh?” you say facepalming yourself,

“Subtlety isn’t your strong suit” Steve replied, with a smile.

“What are we doing with the rest of our day?” You ask the super soldier, eager to be done with the awkwardness of the situation.

“Well, we could always join Sam and Clint in the gym.” Steve said, but then changed his mind when he saw the horror on your face at his recommendation. “Or we could go to the lap pool?” he said quickly.

“That’s way better, how can you even suggest working out.” You said pulling a face. “But seriously, the pool?

“Yes, I happen to enjoy swimming.” Said the Super Soldier,

Steve always managed to surprise you, sometimes you forgot he was just as human as the rest of you. He enjoyed normal things, fighting and missions weren’t his whole world.

So, the two of you, headed upstairs to the pool, bathing suits in tow and spent the rest of the pleasant afternoon, relaxing by the pool, Just enjoying each other’s company. Unaware of the catastrophic events that were brewing that would alter all your lives forever.


	7. The Party.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature.
> 
> Tony throws a party, and it takes a fateful turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback, if you want to leave some?

You sat on the edge of your bed, looking at your phone screen intently. There was a single message from an encrypted number. In Romanian it read ‘Wish you never left’. you didn’t have to think twice about who it was from, you already knew. Your heart was hammering in your chest as you looked at the message, you never expected Bucky to make any sort of contact, you gave him your number with the hopes that if he were ever in trouble he could find you or reach you. But here you sat, with a message from the Winter Soldier.

You couldn’t reply, because it was encrypted and you guessed that’s how he wanted to keep it. He knew the position he was putting you in by asking you to lie to everyone. The less contact you had with him the better.

There was a knock on the door, shaking you from your deep train of thought. “Y/N” said Steve from the other side, “Are you ready?”,

“Uh, just a moment” you call out, quickly putting your phone in the bed side draw and locking it. You smooth your dress and pull on your shoes then hurriedly opened the door.

Steve stood in the doorway looking dashing in a blue shirt and black pants, the color of his shirt brought out his already incredibly blue eyes. As much as you appreciated Steve in his Cap suit, Steve in civilian clothes still got you every time.

“Well, don’t you look dashing,” you say walking out of your room,

Steve smiled, “You don’t look so bad yourself” he said, “Buy I have to keep up with the rest of you, I am almost a hundred”

You laugh, “You don’t look a day over thirty Cap”

“Y/N, I have been meaning to ask…” before Steve could finish Bruce came walking up to them, nervously rubbing his hands together.

“Did you see how many people Tony invited?” he asked them, “It’s like half of New York is here”

You exchanged a glance with Steve, Bruce was always nervous around crowds of people, worried if anything happens and the other guy comes out it would be disastrous.

“I’m sure it will be fine Banner,” Steve said, “Let’s go in and have a good time.”

You nodded in agreement taking Bruce’s arm and linking it with yours, “Don’t worry, I’ll be your wing woman to night” you said with a wink, this made Bruce smile and the three of you walked to the living room where the party was being hosted.

The party was in full swing when you walked in, there was easily over a hundred people here. You scanned the room looking for some of your team members, Bruce still beside you. You saw Clint and Natasha laughing at the bar, Thor was entertaining some old army veterans, Tony and Rhodey were with Helen Cho deep in conversation most likely about their suits and Sam was walking up the stairs towards them.

“Hey, look at you three, you clean up good!” said Sam cheerily coming over and giving you a peck on the cheek.

After exchanging greetings with Sam, he asked to borrow Steve, as he put it they were on the hunt for some strange. You couldn’t help but pull a face at the thought of that. You and Bruce headed to the bar to get drink, Nat was behind the bar making a cosmopolitan.

“How’d a nice girl like you end up working in a dump like this?” Bruce said sweetly, taking off his glasses.

“Fella done me wrong,” Nat replied flirtatiously

“You got lousy taste in med, kid” he responded with a smile, as she placed a glass on the counter and poured him a drink. You stood there watching this unfold, wishing you had a camera to film this.

“He’s not so bad” Natasha said, “He has a temper, but deep down he is all fluff” they both pause and take a sip of their drinks,

“Fact is he is not like anybody I have ever known; all my friends are fighters and here comes this guy spends his life avoiding the fight because he knows he’ll win.”

“Sounds amazing” Bruce said shyly,

“He’s also a huge dork, chicks dig that” Nat adds for good measure,

You reach over the bar and grab a beer, the two of them still not noticing you standing there watching them.

“So what do you think? Should I fight this? Or run with it?” Natasha says, batting her eyelashes at Bruce,

“R-run with it right?” Bruce said hesitantly, “Or did he… Was he… what did he do that was wrong to you?”

“Not a damn thing, but never say never” she smirked and picked up her drink walking away.

Steve appeared at the bar a few seconds earlier, he smiled at you and you motioned for him to be quiet and listen to Nat and Bruce. You were grinning widely as you saw Steve’s expression.

“That’s nice.” Steve said to Bruce, who it seems came back down to reality and looked over the Captain confused, “What? What is?” he said,

“You and Romanoff” Steve nodded,

“No, we haven’t. that wasn’t” Bruce said quickly trying to cover his tracks,

You laughed at him, “Ah, Doctor Banner” you say placing an arm over his shoulders, “You are such a dork.”

Steve laughed, “It’s okay, no one’s breaking any bylaws. It’s just, she’s not the most open person in the world but with you she seems very relaxed.”

“Noo Natasha, she likes to flirt” Bruce said brushing it off, but his face was turning red,

You couldn’t help but laugh again, Bruce was feeling so self-conscious and you and Steve weren’t letting it go. “Why are you turning red Doctor Banner?” you probe playfully,

Steve chuckled, “I have seen her flirt, up close “he said and reached for a beer over the bar “This ain’t that”

Bruce just shook his head,

“Look, as maybe the world’s leading authority on waiting too long, Don’t.” Steve said patting Bruce on the shoulder, “You both deserve a win.”

“He has a point,” you point out then as you and Steve began to walk away you hear Bruce say,

“What do you mean up close?” Bruce calls out after the two of you.

You and Steve look at each other and laughed as you walk away.

The night wore on and the party died down, the team was now lounging around on the couches chatting casually amongst themselves. Until Clint and Thor got into the conversation about Thors hammer.

Thor walked over and placed his hammer on the coffee table, “Whom so ever, be he worthy, shall haveth the power, whatever man, it’s a trick” Said Clint sarcastically,

“It is much more than that my friend, please be my guest” Thor chuckled passing Steve a flask of whatever alcohol it contained, clearly not from this world and pointed to the hammer for Barton to pick up.

Clint stood up cockily, and walked over to the hammer with a grin on his face. “Clint, you have had a tough week we won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up” said Tony, making everyone chuckle.

“You know I have seen this before right,” he said looking at Thor and then tried to lift the hammer, he struggled against it then stopped and tugged again, “Still don’t know how you do it” he laughed,

“Smell the silent judgement?” Said Tony,

“Please Stark, by all means” Clint replied, gesturing him toward the hammer,

Tony stood up, opening his suit jacket button, “Never been one to shy away from on honest challenge,” he said walking over to the hammer proudly, “It’s physics, So if I lift it then I rule Asgard?” he looked at Thor who nodded, “I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta” Tony said then pulled on the hammer with all his might. It didn’t budge, he looked around at the faces of the Avengers then said, “Be right back,” he rushed off to get the hand of his ironman suit.

Rhodey even joined in to help him try and lift the hammer not wanting to give up. “Are you even pulling?” asked Rhodey almost out of breath, Tony looked at him incredulously “Are you on my team?” “Just represent, pull!” the Colonel replied.

Next up was Bruce, he tried to make a joke of it by pretending to turn into the hulk but you all just sat in awkward silence, looking at him.

Lastly was Steve, he got up proudly and rolled up his sleeves. “Come on Cap,” Sam said,

“He has to be worthy!” you said clapping,

Steve walked over to the hammer and placed his hands around it, his forearm muscles bulging as he did. Then he pulled, and the hammer shifted ever so slightly. You saw it and looked at Thor, your eyes met for a moment, the worry evident on Thor’s face. Steve tugged at the jammer again but this time it didn’t move, and he raised his hands in surrender,

“Nothing,” Thor laughed seeming relieved,

Bruce looked at you and Natasha,

“Oh no that’s not a question I need answered.” Natasha said shaking her head,

But you wanted to give it a try so you stood up and walked over to the hammer. “Fifty bucks says she can lift it,” said Sam,

“eighty says she won’t,” Steve replied,

“I’ll take that action,” Clint added, Bruce raised his hand too.

You looked around at the Avengers, “I’m ready to be the ruler of Asgard,” you joke and grabbed the handle and gave it a tug, it didn’t move. Not wanting to further humiliate yourself you stepped away “Guess I am not” you laughed,

“The handles imprinted!” exclaimed Tony, “Whosoever is carrying Thor’s finger print is I think the literal translation.”

Thor stood up, “Yes Uh, that’s a very interesting theory. I have a simpler one” he grabbed the hammer and lifted it with ease “You’re all not worthy”.

There were boos and groans as Thor said that, then suddenly there was a loud piercing sound that echoes through the tower and everyone paused looking around at what just happened.

A figure walked into the room one of the iron legion, broken and falling apart, they all turned to it.

“No…How could you be worthy? You’re all killers.” Said the raspy mechanical voice.

“Startk” Steve said,

“Jarvis,” Tony pulled out his phone,

“I am sorry” the machine said, “I was asleep, or a-dream.”

“Reboot legionnaire OS. We have a buggy suit” tony said quietly to the U.I.

“There was a terribe noise and I was tangled in strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy” the voice rasped,

You moved slowly towards Steve, who put his hand out in front of you protectively. “You killed someone?” he asked the rogue Iron legion robot.

“Wouldn’t have been my first call, but down in the real world, we are faced with ugly choices” it replied,

“Who sent you?” asked Thor,

The robot played back a voice clip, it was Tony’s. “I see a suit of armor around the world”

Bruce looked over at Tony shocked. “Ultron!” he said.

“In the flesh. Well no not yet, not this chrysalis. But I am ready I am on mission” it said,

“What mission?” Natasha asked,

“Peace of our time” Ultron replied and then suddenly two of the iron legion came exploding through the walls, ready to attack the team. Steve shoves you out of the way as he kicks one of the tables up to use as a shield before getting knocked down by the robot.

More of the iron legion swarmed in, attacked all of you relentlessly. In all the pandemonium Steve came toward you and grabbed your arm almost dragging you away from the conflict. “Go with Natasha and get Bruce out of here!” he exclaimed, pushing you towards the safety of the bar as one of the iron legion fired a shot towards you.

You nodded and ran to the bar, jumping over it agilely and landing next to Natasha and Bruce, “Don’t turn green!” you hear her tell him, “I won’t” was his reply before you both grabbed a gun from beneath the bar and started running to the stairs.

Steve smashed the last iron legion with his shield. And Ultron turned around “That was dramatic.” He said “I’m sorry I know you mean well, you just didn’t think it through. You want to protect the world but you don’t want it to change. How is humanity saved, if its not allowed to evolve? With these?” Ultron picked up the head of one of the now dead iron legion and crushed it “These puppets. There is only one path to peace.” Ultron paused.

“The Avengers extinction.” And then suddenly Thor threw his hammer at the robot and smashed it to pieces.

(A couple of hours later)

You lay awake in your bed, after the events of that evening there was no sleep happening for anyone. Bruce and Tony had been arguing for over an hour before you walked away and decided you need some quiet. The whole team was fighting. The arguments went back and forth between the team and no one was listening to anyone’s opinions at that point.

As much as you knew the team was right about Tony experimenting with the scepter, you understood why he did what he did. It had always been on Tony’s shoulders, the burden that the Chitauri had brought and you could see it.

You close your eyes, trying to shut out the noise in the tower. You could still hear Thor and Tony arguing down the hall, and you assumed the others were all there voicing their opinions as well. A day that was supposed to be about celebration had turned so sour in a matter of minutes.

There was a knock on your door, you sat up in the darkness of you room and looked at the clock beside you. It was well past midnight, “Come in,” you called, half expecting it to be Natasha but to your surprise it was Steve.

“Hey, oh, sorry I didn’t know you were asleep” he said, pausing in the doorway.

“No, it’s okay, I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to” you replied turning on the side lap, “What’s wrong?”

“Can I sit?” he asks, gesturing at the bed.

You nod and move up so Steve could join you. He seemed so calm in the face of this situation, sometimes you wondered how he did it.

“How are things out there?” you ask him

Steve sighed, “Not great, we are going to regroup in the morning figure out a plan of attack then. I think everyone is a little exhausted and its hindering their thinking.”

You looked at him, in the pale glow of your side light Steve looked so incredibly handsome. He had dirt smudges on his face and shards of something in his hair from fighting the legionnaire, you absentmindedly reached up and brushed the dirt from his hair, your hand trailing down to the smudge on his jawline. Your hand lingered a little longer than it should have on his face and your eyes met, Steve was about to say something but then he stopped himself and just leaned in closer till your faces were inches away from each other.

Your heart was racing, you were pretty sure he could hear it at this point, it was so loud. What the hell is happening you thought, your hand dropped down into his muscular chest, you could feel his hammering heartbeat beneath his ribcage and then in a moment that felt like an eternity, Steve leaned in closer and softly placed his lips onto yours.


	8. The disappearance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature
> 
> The emergence of Ultron rocks the team, he strikes where he knows will hurt most.

The kiss felt electric. You both got lost in it, and only broke away for air for a moment before Steve lock his lips with yours again. He pulled you closer to him wrapping his arm around your waist and his other hand tangled in your hair, neither of you rushed it or wanted to rush it. Eventually Steve stopped, and rested his forehead on yours eyes closed, he smiled.

“That was unexpected,” you said softly, he opened his eyes, his brilliant blue eyes sparkling. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked into the super soldier’s sky-blue eyes.

“Good or bad unexpected?” he asked unsurely,

You rolled your eyes, “if it was bad do you think I would have been so into it?” you said and lay down on the bed, Steve sitting next to you.

Steve chuckled, “Where does this leave us now?”

You both pause to think about it, “I don’t know…” You say, “where do you want it to leave us?”

“I don’t know either,”

“I guess we are at an impasse” you said, “Maybe let’s talk about this in the morning?”

Steve nodded and stood up “Well Goodnight Y/N” he said,

‘Goodnight Steve,” you replied, as he walked out of the room shutting the door behind him.

You lay awake for over an hour replaying the moment Steve kissed you, over and over again. It made you feel restless, it was an amazing kiss and something you secretly wanted but at the same time you were mentally kicking yourself for enjoying it. You knew that it would never work, you butted heads as is and you weren’t even dating. You were from different worlds with different values.

Plus, there was the element of him being the captain of the Avengers, you didn’t want the rest of the team knowing about this. Somehow the thought of it made you even more restless. You sighed and turned over once more, feeling irritated at yourself for overthinking something that could be so simple.

You stared into the darkness in your room when suddenly a pair of red glowing eyes appeared to be staring back at you. “What the…” you breathed and squinted into the darkness, and then suddenly you felt a sharp pain at the back of your head and you blacked out.

The next morning, the Avengers assemble in Tony’s lab, all suited up already, Everyone except Y/N.

“Where’s Y/N?” Asked Steve as they all gathered around the table, everyone looked at each other in confusion.

“Is she still sleeping?” he asked again,

“I’ll go check,” said Natasha standing up,

“I’ll come with you” Bruce volunteered,

The paid stood up and exited the lab, heading up towards Y/N’s room. Natasha knocked on the door, “Y/N?” she called out, “You decent?”

No response.

She knocked again, a little louder this time. “Y/N, are you okay?”

Still no response, Natasha and Bruce exchanged a glance then Natasha turned the door handle and they slowly entered the room. The room was still dark, the curtains hadn’t been opened yet, Natasha quickly went over to the window and pulled back the curtains, revealing the mess before them.

The bed sheet was ripped off the bed, strew on the floor. items on the dresser had been knocked over and the chair knocked over. Bruce went over to the bed and examined it, there were a few drops of blood on the white sheet, there was a note on the pillow he looked up at Natasha, “Nat…” he said quietly pointing to the note, Natasha came over to the bed and picked up the note.

‘I am going to tear you apart, from the inside. Look for her and she dies, interfere with my plans and she dies. Your extinction begins now’

“Shit!” she cursed loudly then went to over to the intercom system on the wall, “Tony, Steve, I think you guys need to get down here right now,” she called over the intercom,

“What’s going on?” Steve responded immediately,

“Just get to Y/N’s room” Natasha snapped,

There was silence over the intercom, which Nat and Bruce assumed meant that the team was on their way down to them. They waited a few minutes before Tony, Steve and the rest of the team appeared in the doorway.

Tony scanned the room, panic in his eyes. “What the hell happened, where Is Y/N?” he asked,

Natasha didn’t say anything, she just handed Tony the note she had found. He looked over it once and then handed it to Steve, who looked angrier and angrier as he looked at the note. Steve turned to Tony, “You did this!” he snarled at Tony, pointing his finger at Tony’s chest accusingly.

“How was I supposed to know he would take her?!” Tony shot back pushing Steve’s hand away,

“How did they get in?” Clint asked, looking around the room for any clues

“With Jarvis down, our defenses throughout the building are weak. Could have been that there were some of the iron legion still in the building” Tony responded,

“Thor, could you find us a trail?” Steve said, looking at the Norse god,

Thor nodded, “I’ll have a look around,” then he walked out of the room, “I’ll go with him” said Clint following Thor out of the room.

“Sam and Natasha, you two go through the camera footage from last night see if you can find anything that can help us locate Y/N” Steve said, he had kicked into Captain mode and was handing out orders. “Bruce, Tony, you focus on locating Ultron, we find Ultron we find Y/N.” he said, “I am going to look around here, any lead helps”

With everyone knowing their assignments, the team dispersed on a desperate hunt for Y/N and Ultron.

(A few days pass and the war with Ultron begins, the team is in South Africa following a lead on Ultron)

You wake on a cold hard floor; your head is throbbing. Blinking a few times your eyes try to adjust to the darkness; your surroundings were cold and damp. How long have I been out, you thought, you sit up and touch the back of your head and feel moisture, there was a sharp pain that lanced through your head.

You slowly stand up, feeling around the room as your eyesight adjusts to the dark room. you are in what looks like a shipping container, just then the door opens and one of Tony’s iron legion suits step in. it was one of the sleeker models. You immediately knew it was Ultron.

“Ahh, you are finally awake” He said stepping into the container, “I am sorry, you took quite a blow to the head there.”

You back away from him as he approaches you, your heart hammering in your chest. The last thing you remembered was a being knocked out in your bedroom, how had he gotten into the Tower again, did the rest of the team know you were gone, your mind raced.

“Don’t worry Y/N I mean you no harm, but tell me, Does the rest of your team know your big dark secret?” he asked leaning down to your face,

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” you replied, your back hitting on of the walls of the container.

Ultron chuckled, “Secrets are deadly, especially if they are used in the right manner” he said, moving away from you, “And you, Y/N have an abundance of them, I wonder, how you fellow Avengers would take to knowing them” he sneered,

You kept quiet, he was baiting you, waiting for you to beg but you didn’t. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Does your beloved Captain know about the darkness within you? Does he know how blood stained your hands are? How long do you think you can keep hiding?” Ultron went on,

You felt your skin tingle, like electricity was passing through you, and you clenched your fists. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, you would not let Ultron get the best of you.

“You won’t win, you know” you said to him,

Ultron was quiet for a moment, “It’s not about winning, It’s about cleansing you wouldn’t understand”

“They will come for me,” You say.

“Oh, I am counting on that” Ultron replied sinisterly before walking out.

A few hours pass by and you sit in silence, outside of them container there was noise but nothing distinct enough for you to make out. You had to find a way out of the container, you kicked against the door, tried scaling the walls, but to no avail. You were trapped and wouldn’t be able to get out without someone coming to your rescue.

Defeated you sat down on the cold floor, you head throbbing. Suddenly the door opened again and a red headed girl stepped in, she looked you over then came towards you.

“Who are you?” you asked,

The girl smiled and raised her hands towards you, you immediately raise your hands in defense, ready for whatever attacked she was going to throw at you.

Her hands expelled a red energy and it hurled towards you, half expecting it to hurt you brace yourself for impact but nothing. You look up at the girl again, in confusion, then it begins.

‘Your vision blurred for a second and you stumbled a few feet, your head spinning wildly. Your surroundings change, suddenly you are back at the tower, there was broken glass, furniture and weapons everywhere you look down at your hands and they are covered in blood. You look around wildly and scream for your team members, it all felt so real. There was no response, you begin to run around frantically looking for anyone you could find. As you round the corner you see Steve, he is kneeling in front of the bodies of Tony and the rest of the Avengers, they bloodied, battered and lifeless before him. He turns to look at you, anger and grief in his eyes. “How could you do this? We trusted you! Loved you! You killed them! You killed us all!” He yelled at you, you try to speak but no words come out, instead you walk towards Steve, pick up a shard of glass from the floor and plunge it deep into his neck. You couldn’t stop yourself, it was like you weren’t in control of your body anymore. Shock and horror flashing across his face as you do so, he clutches his neck trying to stop the bleeding. “Wha-what have you done” he breathes and then falls over.

You drop to your knees and start screaming, blood dripping from your hands. It’s a scream of fear, rage and anguish.’

You suddenly snap back to reality, the girl with the red hair standing near you. A undecipherable look on her face, You are now outside of the container, standing in the bright sunlight. It’s a shipping yard of sorts. Your bend over and throw up three times, your mind spinning from the vision you were showed.

You look up at the girl, “What, what did you do to me?” you scream at her, and lunged for her.

She covered her mouth in shock and quickly backed away from you. Before you could reach her, you were bowled over by an unseen moving figure. You toppled onto the hard ground and when you looked up she was nowhere in sight.

All you heard next was the mighty roar of the Hulk.


	9. The New Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature.
> 
> The events of Ultron occur but can Steve and the reader take their relationship to the next level?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback?

You were running faster and harder than you have ever ran across the shipping yard, dashing between containers trying to locate any mode of travel you could. Suddenly you saw it, the Quinjet, the door left open. Again, you hear hulk roar in the distance, you knew something had gone terribly wrong because there iron legion robots flying all over the place, gun fire taking place. You raced up to the quinjet and bolted inside, it was empty, you quickly located a spare comms earpiece and put in it.

“Tony? Steve?” You called over the comms, there was static for a moment then Clint responded.

“Y/N?!” he exclaimed, “Where the hell are you?!”

“In the quinjet?”

Clint actually laughed over the comms, “Listen everyone is in bad shape, Bruce is hulking out, I need your help getting the team back to the jet? Can you do that?”

“Clint, I don’t know…” you began but he cut you off

“Y/N now is not the time, I don’t know what happened, but the team is falling apart here I’m going to need you.” He said almost snapping at her,

You sighed and then listened to his instructions, he told you to start up the jet and bring it to where he was, he needed to get everyone out of there. As you did so you heard Tony over the comms yelling at Clint that he needed Natasha for a lullaby because Bruce was losing control, but Clint quickly explained that it wants going to happen.

When you saw Clint bringing Natasha out of the ship, your heart dropped. She looked like hell, her face was pale, and her eyes glassed over. Behind her Thor, and Steve walked out slowly, dazed looking confused. You rushed off the quinjet towards Clint, but he pointed to Steve and Thor, “Help them” he ordered.

You rush towards Steve, in his dazed state he looks at you with a shocked look. “Y/N” he breaths as you wrap an arm around his waist letting him lean on you, “I got you Cap,” You say quietly. Thor seemed fine to walk just shaken up, all of you climb back onto the jet no one asks anything about where you had been or what had happened. They all looked terrified, and over the comms you hear the commotion with Tony and Bruce, you ask if he needs help, but he says it better if you all just wait for him to bring Bruce in with Veronica.

You and the team waited an agonizing half an hour before Tony finally calls for the jet to meet him near Johannesburg in South Africa, Clint pilots the jet, ready to get everyone as far away from this mess as possible.

(A couple of hours later)

The team arrived at Clint’s ‘safe house’, turns out he had a whole other life beyond the avengers. You were kind of jealous of him, he lived this normal life and yet still managed to be an Avenger. A part of you wished for normality but another part of you knew this life wasn’t destined for you.

You were sitting outside on the porch holding an ice pack on the large bump at the back of your head, Clint had given you a few stitches on the wound but that still didn’t help the throbbing pain that pulsed through your skull.

“How are you feeling?” A voice behind her, it was Steve.

You don’t turn around to face him, you just shrug “Been better” was your curt response. After the vision you had seen you were terrified to look Steve in the eye, even though you knew he couldn’t know what you would do, or what you had done you still couldn’t face the super solider.

Steve sat next to you, still wearing his cap suit. He removed his shield from its clip on his back and placed it in front of him, so it was resting on his knees. “I was worried about you, did he hurt you?” he said softly,

You just shook your head and continued to look out at the beautiful farm before you, “Y/N, talk to me” Steve said almost pleading,

“There is nothing to talk about Captain Rogers,” you reply coldly, “I am fine.”

Confusion flashed across Steve’s face, “What’s wrong?” he tried again, you could tell he was beginning to worry. You had only called him Captain Rogers when you had first met him and that had lasted all of two days before you stopped. The coldness that you were suddenly exuberating towards him was confusing him.

You sighed annoyedly, “My head hurts, can I just have a moment of silence please.” You snapped at him, your mood was sour and Steve asking a ton of questions wasn’t helping at all.

Steve looked hurt by your tone, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he stood up, picking his shield up with him. “If you need to talk Y/N, you know where to find me.” He said with the politeness that only Captain America could have after being snapped at so rudely.

You hadn’t noticed Tony standing nearby, he had witnessed the whole exchange. As soon as Steve went back inside, Tony came over and sat next to you, “Oh god, what now?” you snapped looking in his direction half expecting it to be Steve,

“Whoa there, put your claws away.” Tony replied raising his hands in surrender.

“Sorry,” you mumbled and look away, the pain in your head increasing with each passing minute.

“Why are you hating on our dear Capsicle so much?” Tony asks placing a hand on your shoulder,

“I am not,” you try to defend yourself,

“Y/N, don’t bullshit a bullshitter” Tony cuts you off, your shoulders slump down defeated. Tony had always known you better than most in the compound, there were times when you were down that he would be the one picking you up, it was a silent friendship, but it was always there when you needed it.

“I can’t explain it” you said softly, your tears threatening to fall. Tony put his arm around your shoulders trying to comfort you.

“We have all been through hell these past few weeks, but we will get thought it. It’s what we do, we are a team Y/N. No man gets left behind.” He said kindly,

“I don’t think I should be a part of the team Tony,” you said quietly, the tears started to fall, “I am dangerous”

Tony shook his head, “So is Bruce, and Natasha, but that doesn’t mean we kick you out of the team, we fight together, we protect each other.”

You remain quiet, you knew Tony was only trying to help but the feeling you had and the vision you saw were too much for you to handle. Just then Thor came outside, with Steve following Closely behind him.

“Thor?” Said Steve as they walked passed where you and Tony sat,

“I saw something in that dream,” Thor said, “I need answers, I won’t find them here.”

Steve had an irritated look on his face and said nothing as Thor swung his hammer and took off into flight. Tony and you watched as Steve turned around to go back inside then paused for a moment and sighed, his face overcome with sadness, it was as if he didn’t see you and Tony sitting nearby then he turned around and walked off the porch leaving the house.

You needed to sleep off your headache, so you got up and went inside but unfortunately all the rooms were taken. You grabbed a blanket off the couch and decided to just go and sleep in one of the cots in the jet.

You had just gotten comfortable in one of the cots, when the door to the jet opened. Annoyance flashed through you at whoever it was, you just wanted to rest that was all you needed.

“Oh, sorry…I didn’t know you were in here,” Steve’s voice sounded across the empty jet,

You sighed and kept your eyes closed, you really weren’t in the mood to deal with anything right now. Your mood towards him had only soured because of your vision, you didn’t know what it meant, and it scared the hell out of you. You thought maybe withdrawing from them for a while was best, you were also being a little petty that no one rescued you and you had to escape yourself, while they were off being heroes.

“I can leave,” Steve began,

“Ugh Steve,” you groaned, “I am nursing a headache the size of a small country could you please just pick a cot and sit down” keeping your eyes closed,

Steve was quiet, but you heard him shuffle around and lay down in the cot next to yours, “We were looking for you, you know” he said almost inaudibly

“I know,” you replied, you opened your eyes and looked at the roof of the jet, you could feel Steve’s gaze on you.

“Y/N are we okay?” Steve asked,

“First of all, we aren’t a ‘we’, secondly stop asking me if I am okay. Its rather tiring” you snapped.

The patience Steve exhibited when you snapped at him was admirable, you half expected him to storm off and ignore you or even snap back at you but instead he remained quiet just sighing a little. They were quiet for a while, you trying to fall asleep but with Steve next to you, you were unable to.

“Y/N?”

“What now, Steve?” you grumbled,

“Can I hold your hand?” he asked softly,

Keeping your eyes closed, you knew Steve just wanted comfort. Even with you being so horrible to him he persisted in being around you. You knew it was because you had always brought comfort to each other in bad times, but you just wanted to be left alone for a moment. You sigh and reach your hand out, and feel his hulking hand intertwine with your small one. He still wore his combat gloves and the rough leather warm against your skin, you wouldn’t admit it but you somehow needed Steve’s comfort in that moment as much as he needed you.

(The events of Ultron take place, Sokovia goes up in ruins and the team successfully defeats Ultron. A few months, at the new Avengers facility in upstate New York, You sit in the training facility watching Natasha and Steve beat the new recruits, Wanda (The scarlet witch who had shown you the vision of you murdering the Avengers), Vision and Falcon, into shape)

You were sitting next to Tony, he was attaching a drip to your arm because for some reason he said you needed a vitamin bag. You kept fainting during training and all the tests they were running were proving futile, it started just after defeating Ultron, Tony thought it might have something to do with the knock to the back of your head but hadn’t been able to prove anything yet.

“Move faster,” Steve called out to Wanda, “Don’t get angry, control your power!” he used his shield to block another red flash she hurled at him. 

Natasha drop kicked Sam in the chest, and he groaned. Vision was the only one who seemed to hold his own while training with Steve and Nat.

A couple minutes later, you sat with your IV on the foam floor of the training gym, Steve came over to you. In the months following the events of Ultron you had pulled away from Steve, and the rest of the team, and then your nightmares had begun. The vision that Wanda had showed you when she was working with Ultron played over and over in your mind, you woke up screaming in terror night after night. it had gotten worse over time, you suddenly had sleep paralysis and Tony had to hook you up to a monitor before bed every night so F.R.I.D.A.Y could monitor your brain waves for any sign of oncoming nightmares. You were grateful to Tony for trying to help but the more they probed about your nightmares the less you spoke to any of them, you couldn’t bring yourself to say it out loud. For you feared if you spoke it out loud you were sealing your fate.

Steve had tried to talk to you, multiple times, but you just began to ignore him and his constant questions. Sam tried, Natasha never out right asked you but the way she acted around you, you knew what she wanted to ask. Bruce had vanished after Ultron and their new mission was to find him, you sorely missed Bruce around the compound, he had always brought a little humor to the place.

Steve and Natasha stood on the other side of the training gym, chatting about something clearly seriously or arguing you didn’t really care. Sam and Wanda sat near you in silence, out of breath after their vigorous session.

Wanda strolled over to you, she had apologized for what she had done to you in South Africa and you had begrudgingly forgave her. “Hey, how are you feeling?” she asked in her Sokovian accent,

“I feel fine,” you reply, “This is such a waste, Tony is a little dramatic sometimes,” you point at the IV and chuckle. She smiled, Wanda had been through a lot in her life and after losing Pietro your heart went out to her in a way.

“Would you like to go to cinema later?” Wanda asked, there was a cinema in the compound courtesy of Tony Stark, Obviously. All of this new Avengers luxury was new to her, but you were kind of glad that she had a certain comfort around it.

“Yeah, sure we can do that” You smile up at her, even though you would much rather stay in your room and read a book or something.

Natasha motioned for Sam and Wanda to come over, and they trudged over to her. Leaving you alone again, you could see Steve wanted to come over, but he was hesitating loitering near one of the weight racks, looking around nervously. It never ceased to amaze you how persistent Steve was, no matter how much you snapped or snarled at him, he still treated you with the same level of kindness and politeness he always had.

He saw you looking at him and he came over, “Hey,” he said with a soft smile, you couldn’t help but smile back at the super soldier, “How’s that going?” he asked pointing to your IV,

“Rather garbage actually,” you retorted, “I hate being treated like a feeble child,”

Steve chuckled, “Tony is like a father, he will always worry about his recruits”

You look at Steve for a moment then reluctantly patted the ground beside you, “Sit,” you say, “Talk to me while I wait for this IV to be done,”

Steve’s whole demeanor brightened when you invited him to sit down, his faced beamed as he dropped down next to you. He looked like a giddy school boy as he sat beside you, you always forgot how dorky the famous Captain America was.

“How’s the new recruits?” You asked him, looking at Wanda train in hand-to-hand combat with Natasha,

“Great, Wanda is a little young, but she’s got spirit, I have to commend her” Steve said, he began talking about the different training they were doing with each of the new members and the new upgrades to their suits.

You kept the conversation going with a few nods and questions here and there, but you simply just enjoyed talking to Steve no matter how short lived it would be.

“Y/N,” said Steve after a moment of silence,

“Mhmm..?”

“Would you like…” he paused, “To go get a cup of coffee?”,

You looked at Steve, a little surprised really. “Uh yeah, sure, let’s go get coffee.”

You and Steve awkwardly leave the gym, as you do so you see Sam give Steve a thumb up and make a rude gesture which Natasha laughs at.

Steve ignored him and held the door to the training facility open for you to exit still rolling around your IV bag. The two of you walk to the kitchen, and you took a seat while Steve got busy making you both coffee. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?” You call out,

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N?”

“Could you play us some music?” You ask the A.I

“Certainly, what selection would you like?” She responds,

“Classical, Johann Bach Cello Suite 1” you say, you always loved classical music and you knew Steve did too, maybe the music would lighten up the mood.

You saw Steve smile at your recommendation, Cello was one of your mutual favorite instruments. The soft classical music began playing over the sound system, and you immediately felt a change in the mood.

Steve placed a hot cup of coffee in front of you and then took a seat next to you, “So, how much longer is Tony going to make you walk around with an IV?” he asked,

“Today’s hopefully the last day,” you reply looking at the annoying IV. As it dripped slowly into your vein.

“What’s in there?”

You shrugged, “A Stark concoction according to Tony,”

Steve laughed, which made you feel good, you hadn’t seen him laugh in a while. You knew he was still looking for Bucky, and the guilt of keeping Bucky’s location from him kept you up at night.

“So, stranger,” Steve said looking at you with those damn blue eyes, “What have you been up to?”

You wanted to laugh, Steve was trying too hard to be cool and casual and was coming off as a dad trying to get down with the kids. “Since when does Captain America speak like a teenager trying to get laid?” you asked laughing at his demeanor,

Steve looked confused for a second, then caught on. “I am just trying to make conversation,” He said scratching the back of his head shyly. 

“Stop trying so hard Rogers” you say, playfully punching his arm, “Relax, I am not going to bite your head off” 

Steve seemed to relax a little, “I think there might be a mild sedative in this IV” you said, “It makes me giddy,”

“Coffee will help that,” he responded.

The conversation flowed from there, after the initial ineptness, you both relaxed a little and began to talk normally. Almost forgetting the past few months of awkwardness. That was until Steve brought up Bucky,

“Sam might have a new lead on Bucky’s location,” he said, placing their empty coffee mugs in the sink.

You immediately tense up at the mention of Bucky, and Steve notices instantly

“What’s going on with you?” he asks, looking at you intently.

“Nothing,” you say nonchalantly not meeting his gaze, you were trying your hardest to remain casual but all the training in the world still made it incredibly difficult to lie to Steve.

“Why do you always clam up when I speak about Bucky?” Steve almost snapped,

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” you respond casually, your IV was finished and you began to remove the needle from your arm. Trying to disregard Steve,

“Y/N, you have been ignoring me, avoiding me and any conversation about Bucky you immediately leave. If you have something to say, now would be the time to say it” Steve retorted.

You remain silent, not looking at the super soldier, suddenly Steve grabbed your arm roughly, pulling you toward him and you look up at him in surprise.

“What the hell,” you exclaim,

Instantly he regrets it and lets your arm go, “I am sorry,” he says quickly and then backs away from you,

“I don’t know what you want from me Steve, I don’t care about Bucky or your witch-hunt for him. Stop projecting this issue onto me. He is a killer, I don’t want any part of finding him,” you spat at him, standing up.

A look of hurt flashed across Steve’s face and as soon as the words left your mouth you regretted them. But it was too late to take them back now, you knew what this had done and there was no going back.

Suddenly F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice sounded over the intercom, “Captain Rogers, I am sorry to interrupt but Tony requires your presence in the conference room.”

“Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y” Steve said, then he looked at you for a moment,

“Y/N, whatever it is that is making you pull away I wish you would tell me, I only want to help you. You don’t have to go through it alone…” he paused for a moment, “I love you Y/N,”

You mouth fell open in surprise, you were momentarily speechless.

“Steve,” you start to say,

He raised his hand to stop you from talking, “Don’t say anything. Just think about it”.”


	10. The Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after The Winter Soldier, before the emergence of Ultron. Steve is struggling with the notion of not being able to find Bucky. Reader tries to get Steve out of his depression and help him find Bucky. It doesn’t go well. Events of Ultron will feature.
> 
> It all becomes too much for the reader, they need to escape...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback, and i hope you all are enjoying this!

You storm into your room, slamming the door behind you. ‘Who the hell does he think he is’ you think angrily, ‘How dare he just throw out that kind of confession and then leave!’. You were torn by his confession, this was agonizing. You wanted to be with Steve, you knew how he felt but somehow there was this rage and malice inside you that pushed those feelings to the back. All you felt was anger towards him lately, you couldn’t explain it, whatever Wanda had done to you had become a long-lasting effect no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t fight it. You could feel the vision coming true.

You had moments where Steve made you happy, but they were fleeting. You felt yourself keeping the secrets from him and lying to him and avoiding him more and more often. You knew that by him saying he loved you he was unleashing something neither of you would be able to control.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” You say,

“Yes Miss Y/L/N?” she echoes through your room,

“Sound proof my room please, and lock the door” You command,

“I would advise against whatever it is you are planning Miss Y/L/N,” F.R.I.D.A.Y said in her Irish accent,

“Just soundproof the fucking room,” You snarl,

The A.I remains silent, as you see the screen on the wall light up and the room become sound proofed.

You were shaking with rage, turning around you grabbed the first item off your dresser and hurled it at the wall, the glass bottle breaking instantly upon impact. Glass flew everywhere which just enraged you more and before you knew it you were tossing items around your room in a rage, just screaming.

A few minutes later, after you had basically trashed your room, F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice sounded over the intercom.

“Miss Y/L/N, would you like me to call Tony to assess your wounds?” she asked,

You snapped out of your daze when you heard the A.I speak, “What?”,

“You are bleeding, and require stitches” F.R.I.D.A.Y said,

“No, don’t call anyone.” You respond to her, then suddenly in that moment it was as if a switch had flipped in your brain. You quickly stand up ignoring the glass cutting your feet and the blood dripping from the cuts on your hands, you yank open your bedroom door and stalk out.

Making your way across the compound, you head to the conference room where Tony and Steve were meeting. You flung open the door to the conference room startling its occupants, Tony, Steve and Natasha sat around the conference table looking at some plans before them.

“What the fuck happened to you?!” Natasha exclaimed standing up immediately when she saw your bruised and bleeding.

“You!” you snarl at Steve, who also go to this foot, “How dare you!” you screamed at him “You selfish bastard!” and then without warning you lunged across the massive glass table at Steve.

The glass beneath you, as thick as it was shattered into a million pieces. You heard Tony and Natasha yell your name, but your rage was blind. Once again you landed on glass feeling new cuts spring open, “Y/N! Calm down!” Steve shouted gripping your shoulders as you tried to attack him again, swinging your fist ferociously at his face.

His grip got tighter when you fought against him. Tony scrambled out of the room for a moment and then quickly returned holding an injection. “Hold her down,” He ordered Steve and Natasha, who obliged.

You kicked and screamed against them, “I will kill you!” you screeched at Steve again and again,

At the back of your mind, you were registering what you were doing but this was entirely out of your control now, you had already set down this path and it was fast approaching a catastrophe. Something kept telling you to stop but you couldn’t. The rage and hatred were so intense it consumed you.

Tony stabbed your leg with the injection, and you immediately felt the warm fuzzy feeling of whatever was in the injection. You went slack against Steve’s body and he held you close to him, not saying anything as your eyes flutter closed slowly and you black out.

________________________________________________________________

The heart rate monitors next to you awoke you, its constant beeping was an irate irritation. You open your eyes slowly your head foggy from the sedatives in your system, there were wires and sensors attached to your temple, chest and pule points, and an IV which you assumed had the same stuff from before or some sort of sedative. You immediately begin ripping off all the wires and tubes, you didn’t want any more drugs or to be in this room.

“Miss Y/L/N, you should not be doing that” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s panicked voice came from the intercom, “Please stay in bed while I call Mr Stark,”

You ignore her and quickly grabbed the pair of jeans and sweatshirt off the chair that were left for you and get dressed. pulling on your boots you make your way across the lab and you are about to exit it when the door suddenly slams shut in front of you,

“I am sorry Miss Y/L/N, but I cannot let you out” says the A.I

“You know F.R.I.D.A.Y, it seems Tony has a habit of getting his A.I’s to lock me in rooms.” You said, anger rising, “Do us all a favor and just let me out, you already know how this is going to end.”

Silence from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

You walk up to the glass and raise your fist, then slam it as hard as you can into the glass. It does nothing. Then again and again and again, small cracks beginning to form. You see Tony come running up to the lab door,

“Y/N, Stop!” Tony exclaimed, a perturbed look on his face.

You ignore him and continue to slam your fist into the door, your hand a bloodied mess. Finally, the glass gives way and shatters into a million little pieces. Tony shields his face from the glass and then looks back at you in shock, wasting no time you sprint out of the lab passed Tony and down the stairs towards your room.

You hear F.R.I.D.A.Y ask Tony if she should call in back up, but he tells her no. you run faster, you fling the room door open. It had been cleaned, everything put back into its place, you rushed over to the closet and hurriedly grabbed a bag and as many items of clothing you could, and a gun then dashed out of the room. not wanting Tony to catch up with you, you knew It was pointless to try and hide because F.R.I.D.A.Y. would alert him to your location anyway.

You didn’t know where Steve and the rest of the team were, and you didn’t want to know, you ran to the elevator and got in and hit the B button, you needed to escape, you felt suffocated in this place. When the lift hit the landing you were running again, you grabbed the keys from the cabinet and ran to the car tony had bought you. Getting in you barely even waited for the garage door to open before you sped out, leaving the Avengers facility far behind you.

________________________________________________________________

Six Months Later. (The beginning of the Civil War)

The hot morning sun woke you as it streamed through the hotel window, you had come in last night and forgotten to close the curtains. You groaned and turned over, your head pounding.

Getting out of bed you pulled on a t-shirt and shorts and made your way to the kitchen, the only thing your hangover needed was coffee. The morning in Vienna had begun, you had been in Austria since you heard about the signing of the accords. It had been headlining news and you knew that the right thing to do was to maybe show up after your six-month hiatus and sign with those of the team who were going to sign. As much as you didn’t believe this was the right thing to do, you knew it was better than the alternative. Whilst you wait for the coffee to filter you grabbed the remote off the counter and turn on the tv, flipping through the channels until you reach a news channel and you immediately froze.

The news reported:

‘A bomb hidden in a news van ripped through the UN building in Vienna, more than seventy people have been injured and at least twelve are dead including Wakanda’s king T’Chaka. Officials have released a video of the suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier. The infamous HYDRA agent, linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations.’

Your heart dropped when you saw the photo of Bucky on the screen, you immediately flipped the TV off and ran to the bedroom, forgetting your hangover entirely. you hurriedly shower and dress, grabbing your bag with necessities and rush out of the hotel.

You make your way out of the hotel and get a taxi to the UN building, telling the driver to get there as fast as you can. You need to find out if it was Bucky who had done this or not, you need to find Natasha she would be the best person to ask about this.

When you arrive at the UN building, the Counter Terrorism task force is already there. Blockading the area and navigating traffic, there are ambulance and fire fighters rushing all over the place. Amidst the chaos you spot Natasha behind the barricade, and you pick up your cellphone and immediately dial her,

“Y/N?” she answers unsure,

“Nat. listen to me, was it Bucky? Did he do this?” you ask quickly,

“Y/N where are you? Where have you been?” Natasha asks, ignoring your questions,

“Natasha!” you exclaim over the phone, “I need to know!”

The sirens sound around you, and you see her looking around, “Y/N are you here? Don’t do anything stupid” She warns, you sigh and cut the call. She didn’t know anything, there was now only one way for you to find out if Bucky really had done this, and you know just what to do.

Rushing to the airport you board the first flight to Romania, carefully watching the news as you did. There were tips pouring in about the Winter Soldier, people claiming to have seen him throughout Austria. But you knew these tips were false, you knew where he was, and you had to get to him before anyone else did.

All the way on the plane you were anxiety ridden, you could not sit still. It felt like the longest flight you had been on and when the plane finally hit the tarmac you felt relief wash over you. You rushed out of the Bucharest airport and headed straight to Bucky’s apartment, being extra careful to make sure you were not followed in any way. On your way there you stopped Bucky standing by a fruit vendor looking at some plums, he was wearing a black jackets and baseball cap with dark jeans, his hair had grown out since the last time you had seen him. he was happily chatting to the vendor. You breathe a sigh of relief, you knew there was no way Bucky could have gone to Vienna set up a bomb and have been back here so quickly. You slowly walk over to Bucky, as he turns he sees you and stops dead in his tracks,

“Y/N,” he breaths, “What are you doing here?!”

“Bucky, it’s bad…” you say, “We have to get off the street”

He registers the fear in your eyes and immediately kicks into combat mode, he scans the street and notices a newspaper vendor staring intently at the two of you, he walks across the street toward the vendor and you follow him, “Buck…” you start to say but he lifts his hand to silence you,

As he reaches the vendor the man runs away and you both look down at the newspaper clipping in front of you, it was an article about the incident in Vienna. Bucky looks at you, anger and fear in his eyes, “We should leave now!” he says then grabs your hand and you both almost run to his apartment.

The moment you enter Bucky’s apartment you knew it was too late, you had already spotted Sam on the roof of the building which meant Steve was inside already. Bucky walks in slowly putting a protective arm across you as you near Steve, Steve’s back is facing the two of you he is looking down at something in his hands “Understood” he says obviously to Sam over their comms.

Then he turns around and his face changed entirely when he saw you standing next to Bucky, “Y/N,” he says in utter shock, “Wh-what, where have you, why?” he couldn’t seem to form a sentence,

“Steve, we have to go” You say, “We can talk later!”

He looks at Bucky, “Do you know me?”

“You’re Steve,” Bucky replies, “I read about you in a museum,”

“I know you’re nervous” Steve says, slowly walking towards the two of you, your heart was hammering at this point. “And you have plenty of reason to be, but you’re lying”

“I wasn’t in Vienna, I don’t do that anymore,” Bucky says,

“He’s telling the truth Steve,” you add, Steve looks between the two of you but ignores you.

“Well the people that think you did are coming here now and they are not planning on taking you alive,” Steve said,

“That’s smart, good strategy” replied Bucky, he was moving slowly, you knew a fight was about to break out. You could hear the footsteps of the task force on the roof and outside the apartment already. You readied yourself, the bullets were going to start flying soon.

“This doesn’t have to end in a fight Buck,” Said Steve, you knew he was hopeful he didn’t want it to go down this way,

“It always ends in a fight,” Bucky says dejectedly, as he takes of the black leather glove which covered his bionic arm,

“You pulled me from the river, Why?” Steve demanded, referring to the battle of Triskelion when Bucky saved his life.

“I don’t know,”

“Yes, you do,”

You look around and can hear the task force preparing to break the door down, “Steve, Bucky we have to get out of here now, the bullets are going to start flying …” before you could finish your sentence the window shatters and a stun bomb is thrown into the apartment, Bucky shoves you out of harm’s way and kicks it to Steve who places his shield over it as it goes off.

The task force begins to batter against the door in the hopes of getting it open, Bucky flips the table across the room blockading the door then he looks at you, “You have to get out of here, they will kill you” he says, you nod and look at Steve the betrayal in his eyes evident.

Before he could say anything, two of the task force members burst through the windows shattering them, guns at the ready. Bucky knocks out the first one and the second one aims his gun at him but Steve tackles him to the ground, his gun firing off multiple rounds. You duck and dive evading the stray bullets. Bucky grabs your hand and moves towards the back door where another officer barges in with his gun at the ready, Steve takes him out as Bucky moves forward to deliver the killer blow, he stops him. “Buck, Stop! You’re going to kill someone!” Steve shouts,

Bucky shoves Steve to the ground, and looks at him for a second then punches through the floor beside him pulling out a black backpack. “I am not going to kill anyone,” he says tossing the backpack clean across to the next building,

Suddenly one of the task force members was in the apartment and fired shots in your direction, Steve quickly pulled you toward him protecting you with his shield, Bucky as well. You and Bucky exchange a look and then he suddenly shoves Steve through the window hitting an officer, another task force member starts firing in your direction and Bucky deflects the bullets with his arm and knocks him out.

Bucky doesn’t let go of your hand and drags you out of the room with him, “I’m going to need your help” he says before punching through the wall hitting the one of the task force in the head. Suddenly you were in the thick of the fight, you grabbed one of the guns from the guy on the floor and started firing, careful not to fire any lethal shots, in close quarters your training kicked in. All the hours of hand-to-hand combat training with Steve and Natasha, were paying off as you scored your way through the task force members, evading them and their blows easily.

Bucky stayed close to you, protecting you as the two of you navigated the stairs, you looked behind you and saw Steve, fighting off combatants as well, there were more coming up the stairs. Bucky kicked one of them in the chest and he almost fell off the stairwell but Steve caught him , he looked at Bucky “Come on man!”

Bucky grabbed your hand once more and looked at you, “Do you trust me?”

“What?” before you could respond further Bucky ripped off the railing of the stairwell still holding your hand and flipped you both a floor down, suddenly as you both turned around there was a task member pointing a gun at you and then Steve’s shield came flying across knocking him out.

Bucky looked at you and you looked at Steve, without saying anything Bucky pulled you closer to him and then jumped off the side of the railing, you gripped onto him and screamed as the two of you fell over nine floors, Bucky reached out his metal arm and grabbed the railing of the floor and yelled out as he caught the body weight of both of you. As soon as you were on the landing Bucky looked at you and said “Run! Meet me on the south side of the building”

And you did. you turned and ran down the stairs half expecting Bucky to be behind you but instead he kicked down a door and walked through it, jumping off the side of the building and landing on the building across the way.

You sprinted down the stairs, and onto the street, Bucky suddenly landed near you and you sprinted to keep up with him but there was someone else chasing him. You saw Steve jump off the roof and land beside you,

“Y/N, stop! You are going to get yourself hurt or worse, killed!” he yelled at you, “This isn’t your fight!”

You knew he was right, but when you didn’t stop Steve took it upon himself to stop you and he stuck his foot out tripping you. You tumbled down onto the hard pavement, grazing your knees and arms in the process. You weren’t mad at Steve for doing that you knew he was trying to protect you, and you also knew the consequences that were going to come with you being here. Suddenly there were two task force teams around you, pointing their guns at you shouting in German, and Rhodey in the Iron Patriot suit landed in front of you,

“Y/N, what the hell were you thinking?!” he exclaimed, “Lower your weapons,” he ordered the task force, they did so and Rhodey helped you up.

“You could have gotten killed!”

“Rhodey, I’m sorry I knew this would happen if Steve found him, I was trying to help,” You reply wincing in pain as blood dripped from your open wounds.

“This,” he waved around at the chaos “Is a prime example of not helping Y/N,”

“I’m sorry…” was all you could say,

Rhodey nodded, then turned to the task force, “Get her back to headquarters I am going to catch up with Barnes and Rogers,” he ordered.

You were led into one of the SUV’s, thankfully they did not cuff you one of them even offered you water to wash out your wounds. You realize you had been shot twice in the abdomen and arm, you didn’t mention it to anyone. As they drove you to the airport, to fly you to Berlin to meet with the rest of the team, you over heard on their radio that Barnes and Rogers had been captured. Your heart rate spikes, had they killed Bucky or Steve. You didn’t know what was going to happen and you sure as shit knew that whatever was coming next especially for you was not going to be pleasant. You had betrayed Steve on the highest form and broken the law by aiding Bucky. Shit was about to go sideways for you.


	11. The Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve has now gone sideways. There isn’t a happy ending here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please drop me some feedback :) Much appreciated.

Steve barged into the conference room that they were holding you in, and he looked at you. He was angry beyond angry in fact he was fuming you could tell, but you didn’t say anything.

“How long?” He asked,

You sighed and held your head in your hands,

“How long Y/N?” Steve demanded,

“A year,” you mutter, bracing yourself for Steve’s wrath.

“A YEAR?! YOU KNEW WHERE BUCKY WAS FOR A YEAR AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!” Steve raged,

“Steve, I ..” you began but he cut you off,

“You know, I trusted you and let you in, I vouched for you when you left us. I told Tony you just needed time away from it all. I told them to give you your space, that you were good, you just needed time.” He said, “But now I see that I was wrong,”

“Let me explain it Steve!” you exclaim,

“There is nothing to explain Y/N, you betrayed me, you broke my trust. How can I ever trust you again?! How many other secrets are you keeping?!” He demanded, “You don’t deserve the right to call yourself an Avenger, you’re nothing but a narcissistic bitch,”

Your mouth flew open in surprise at Steve, you had never heard him cuss at anyone for as long as you had known him, never mind a woman. 

Suddenly your rage kicked in, and you wanted to lunge at him and rip his throat out. But you kept yourself in check. “I am glad I never told you where Bucky was,” you say coldly, “Because now you have the lives of all those people you just hurt out there trying to protect him, on your hand Captain Rogers”

Steve’s anger faded, he seemed defeated as he sat down on one of the chairs covering his face with his hands. “What have we done Y/N…” he said more of a statement than a question,

You took a seat opposite Steve at the table, and were quiet. You anger had been getting the best of you, and you knew how to hurt Steve and vice versa. You had to stop responding in anger to him but You didn’t know how to answer him, you had fucked up by keeping Bucky from him for a year and lying to him there was no excusing what you had done, but Steve didn’t handle it well when he did find Bucky and it had turned into a catastrophe.

“Steve, you can’t protect Bucky forever…” You say softly,

Steve looked up at you, the sadness in his eyes broke you heart. “He is the last piece of home Y/N, I can’t just stop fighting for him.” He paused, “I could have, but you kept him from me! I could have prevented all of this if it weren’t for you!”

“This isn’t all on me Steve!” you shot back, “You had every chance to let the task force bring Bucky in, but you fucked it all up by rampaging across half of Bucharest!”

“Why can’t you see what you did was wrong?!” he yelled back,

“I know it was wrong Steve! Believe me I knew, I knew the moment I found him, the moment I kept it a secret, I KNEW! I had sleepless nights over this, why do you think I pulled away?!” You say desperately, “

“Then why didn’t you come to me, why did you run?” he replied quietly,

“Because, when you said you loved me it changed something Steve, it changed everything.”

Steve sighed deeply, and sat back. So much had happened in these past few years, so much had been said, that the rift between you two was beginning to feel like an ocean.

“Are they charging you?” He asks

“No,” you shake your head,

“Tony?”

“Yeah, he got the charges dropped, said I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I’d have to get clearance to be an Avenger again” you reply,

Steve sat back, crossed his arms and looked at you. “Do you remember the night Ultron was created?” he said,

You nod.

But before Steve could finish, Tony walked into the room. “Hey, wanna see something cool?” he said, “I pulled something from dad’s archive.” He held up a small black case.

You both turn to look at him, “Felt timely” Tony said, placing his suit jacket on one of the chairs, he walked up to the conference table and opened the black case he had in his hand. It contained two pens, “FDR signed the Lend-Lease bill with these in 1941, provided support to the allies when they needed it most.”

Steve looked at the pens, “Some would say it brought our country closer to war.” He replied,

“See, if not for these you wouldn’t be here.” Tony remarked “I’m trying to. What do you call it?” he looked at you,

You shrugged, “An olive branch?” you offer,

“Yes! that’s an olive branch” Said Tony more to Steve,

Steve changed the subject, “Is Pepper here? I didn’t see her,”

“We’re kinda…” Tony mused looking for the right words

“Pregnant?” Steve offered,

“No. No definitely not. We’re taking a break” replied Tony, “It’s no body’s fault,”

“I am so sorry Tony, I didn’t know,” Steve said sincerely,

“Few years ago, I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then we had to mop up HYDRA and then Ultron, my fault. And then, and then, and then, I never stopped because the truth is I don’t want to stop, I don’t want to lose her. I thought maybe the Accords could split the difference” Said Tony,

He paused for a moment then stood up, “In here defense, I am a handful. Yet, dad was a pain in the ass, but he and mom always made it work.” Tony considered

“I am glad Howard got married,” Steve said, “I only knew him when he was young and single,”

“Oh, really you two knew each other? He never mentioned that. maybe only a thousand times! God, I hated you” Tony replied,

You couldn’t help it, you scoffed with laughter and they both looked at you.

“You,” Tony pointed at you, “Have caused me a great deal of trouble, so don’t sit there all smug.”

Then he turned back to Steve,

“I don’t mean to make things difficult.” Steve said,

“I know because you are a very polite person” said Tony sarcastically,

“If I see a situation pointed south, I can’t ignore it” Steve trying to explain his point, “Sometimes, I wish I could.”

“No you don’t,” both you and Tony say at the same time,

Steve smiles a little, “No I don’t, Sometimes…”

But Tony cut him off, “Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth, but I don’t want to see you gone, we need you cap” He says, “So far, nothing’s happened that can’t be undone, if you sigh. Both of you” he looks at you too. “We can make the last 24 hours legit.”

You and Steve look at each other, you can see he is contemplating it. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were going to betray him again by signing the Accords.

“Barnes gets to an American Psyche-center instead of a Wakandan prison.” Continued Tony,

Steve looks down at the pens and picks one up, he looks at it intently you can see him thinking hard. He stands up and then looks at Tony, “I am not saying its impossible, but there would have to be safeguards,”

“Sure.” Tony agrees instantly, “Once, we put out the PR fire, those documents can be amended. I’d file a motion to have you, Y/N and Wanda reinstated.”

“Wanda, what about Wanda?” Steve interrupted, you were also confused by the inclusion of Wanda,

“She’s fine, she’s confined to the compound, currently” Tony explained, “Vision’s keeping her company.”

“What the hell Tony?” You exclaim,

“Oh, God, Tony” Steve.

You both showing your evident irritation at his response to locking Wanda up.

“Every time I think you see things the right way” Steve said,

Tony interrupted him, “What? It’s 10 acres with a lap pool1 There’s a screening room! There’s worse ways to protect people!”

“Protection? Is that how you see this?” You say softly,

“This is protection? Its internment Tony.” Steve said angrily,

“She’s not a US Citizen!”

“Oh, come on Tony,” scoffed Steve,

“I have to agree with Cap on this Tony,” you interject,

Tony turned to you, “Shut up,” he said then to Steve, “They don’t grant visas to weapons of mass destruction” he snapped,

“She’s a kid!” exclaimed Steve,

“Give me a break!” Yelled Tony, their tempers were flaring, and you knew that at this point Steve was passed signing the Accords, they were just going to disagree further.

“Okay, let’s all calm down.” You say trying to cool the situation. 

“I’m doing what has to be done, to stave of something worse” Tony said quietly,

You could see on Steve’s face he wasn’t listening anymore, he just nodded. “You keep telling yourself that,” he placed the pen back into the case, “I’d hate to break up the set.” He said then he walked towards the door, he paused before exiting, and back looked at you,

“Tony…Whatever happens, promise me you will keep her safe” he said quietly his face still looking at you,

Tony sighed, “Of course Cap, I promise”

Then he walked out, leaving you and Tony in the conference room.

___________________________________________________________

You were standing near one of the camera screens watching the psychiatrist question Bucky, behind you Steve, Sam and Sharon were in the conference room intently watching the screens. You looked around for Tony and Natasha, they were a few feet away sitting on one of the couches talking quietly to each other.

Steve glanced at you and your eyes met for a moment, then you quickly looked away back to the screen. There was something about the psychiatrist, you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. There was some familiarity and it was gnawing at the back of your mind, yet the answer kept escaping you.

Suddenly the electricity cut, all the screens turned off and the building alarm went off. it was a mad scramble, you heard Everett Ross head of the task force yelling to get him eyes on Bucky, you look back at the conference room and see Steve and Sam running out of it towards the stair, you immediately follow in pursuit. Whatever was going on, Steve and Sam were probably at the center of it.

As soon as your feet hit the landing, you saw the bodies and heard the fighting. You run towards the sounds of the fighting and hear Steve yelling at Bucky to stop. You rounded the corner and saw Bucky toss Sam through the air knocking him out.

“Bucky!” you yell at him “Stop!”, he whips his head in your direction a viciously angry look on his face and he storms toward you, metal arm at the ready. You immediately back away knowing Bucky was gone and the Winter Soldier was now in control.

Steve stepped in quickly, swinging at Bucky who easily deflected his blow, kicking Steve in the stomach.

“Buck!” you yelled again, he ignored you and you charged at Bucky with the hopes of knocking him his balance. As you collided with Bucky, you felt as if you had just run into a brick wall, he barely moved an inch. He tossed you aside, your body slamming into the wall winding you and went back to attacking Steve. He kicked him into the elevator door, denting it deeply, they struggled as Bucky used his bionic arm to punch Steve into the door again sending him toppling through the dark elevator doors.

“Steve!” you scream and rush towards the elevator. Bucky looks back at you and hesitates for a moment then he walks out. You let Bucky leave knowing that the team upstairs will handle him, and run to the edge of the elevator. Steve lay in the dark elevator shaft, unconscious. “Come on, come on,” you whisper as you grabbed your phone and immediately emergency dial Tony,

“Y/N” Tony’s voice sounded on the other side,

“Tony! It’s Bucky, he escaped, Steve and Sam are down!” you exclaim,

“Y/N get out of there, Now!” Tony orders, then there was glass breaking and gunfire and you hear Tony over the phone yell “Shit!” and then the line went dead.

“Fuck!” you curse loudly, putting your phone away and running up the stairs, you had to find Tony and Nat. as you reach the department floor, you see Bucky running rampant across the floor. Agent’s attacking him. You watch as Tony tries to disarm Bucky but fails, Sharon attempts to take Bucky down and fails miserably then Natasha attacks him. All of them failing, you finally unfroze and charged up to Bucky,

He looks at you, rage in his eyes. you circle each other, your fists raised ready for his attack.

“Whoa big guy,” you say quietly, but he swings at you and you jump at him, gracefully you wrap your legs around his neck balancing your weight on his shoulders and turn around attempting to drop him to the ground with you. Bucky fights against your efforts violents and you whisper in his ear “Soldat, Uspokoysya” . Knowing the Russian would make him pause long enough for someone else to help you restrain him.

Bucky pauses for a moment and you feel his body relax beneath you but T’Challa came charging at the two of you, bringing Bucky out of his calm state. He threw you half way across the building, but you landed on all fours smoothly enough.

“T’Challa! DON’T!” You scream at the Prince, but it was too late, Bucky was on a rampage again. Him and T’Challa punching their way through each other, T’Challa without his suit though could not best Bucky, not bare-knuckled.

Bucky managed to escape T’Challa and you saw him head to the roof, you immediately gave chase with Steve following closely behind you.

You burst through the door seconds after Bucky did, “Bucky! Bucky Listen to me!” you call out to him. The Winter Soldier pauses but doesn’t turn around, “Remember who you are.” You pleaded slowly walking towards him, “You are James Buchanan Barnes, and you’re…” but before you could finish Bucky whirled around and his cold metal hand closed around your throat, chocking the air out of you. You struggled against Bucky’s vice grip but as luck would have it he sees Steve rushing up the stairs behind you and he tosses you to the ground.

You make a mental note to stay far away from Bucky before he made it a habit of tossing you around like a piece of paper. You watch, out of breath, as Bucky climbs into the helicopter and starts it up.

(Helicopter Scene from Civil War)

As soon as Steve goes over the edge of the building along with the entire wrecked helicopter and Bucky your heart feels like it’s about to explode.

You screamed out Steve’s name in utter terror and without hesitating jumped off the edge of the helipad after him. Regret hit you instantly the second you landed in the water, but you had to help Steve and Bucky, there was no question about it. You surface quickly, out of breath and see Steve pulling Bucky to the surface, and you swim after them.

A few hours later,

Steve, Sam and your sit in an abandoned warehouse, waiting for Bucky to wake up after being knocked out during their fall of the helipad.

Steve is silent, obviously still angry. Sam is standing near Bucky keeping a watch over him, so you decide to go and talk to Steve while you have a quiet moment.

“Hey,” you say walking up to him, Steve looks at you then away not replying.

“Steve, I am sorry for what happened,” you said, “I can’t begin to excuse what I did, because I have no excuse.”

“Just stop.” Steve snapped “Do you ever get tired of lying, Y/N?”

You remain quiet.

“I trusted you, we all did. I thought you understood what Bucky meant to me, after everything I told you, you chose to keep this monumental piece of information to yourself and now look at what has happened!” Steve continued, “I don’t know if I could ever forgive you for this,”

“You cannot force the world to see Bucky as you do, Steve” You said, “And I can’t force you to forgive me but please know that I went to Bucharest for Bucky to protect him, that is all I wanted to do. To warn him and help him get away. Bucky had asked me when I found him, to give him time and space before I revealed where he was, and I kept my promise to him. I have no regrets in honoring that promise, however I do regret that the promise I made caused this ocean of error and anger between us and I wish I could repair it but I am too far gone” You pause and look into Steve’s perfect blue eyes, “When you said you loved me, I desperately wanted to believe it and say it back but in my life love isn’t a luxury I was ever afforded, and therein lies our downfall.”

Steve didn’t say anything he just looked at you for a moment then stepped closer toward you, closing the distance between you two. “Y/N…” Steve began to say, but Sam interrupted him, “Hey Cap!” and called them over. You sigh, every time, every damn time there was a moment between you and Steve someone was ruining it.

You jog over to where Sam and Bucky are and see that Bucky is awake, you immediately go towards him but Steve grabs your arm and holds you back.

“Which Bucky am I talking to?” He asks,

Bucky looks up at Steve, “Your mom’s name is Sarah and you used to wear newspaper in your shoes,” he lets out a small laugh,

Steve smiles, “You can’t read that in a museum,” he says

“So just like that, we are supposed to be cool?” Sam says sarcastically,

“What did I do?” Bucky asks,

“Enough,” Steve responds,

“You don’t remember?” You say,

Bucky observes at you, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you” he asks you,

“I’m fine” you reply, shifting uncomfortably as Steve and Sam both look at you,

“God, I knew this would happen” he Sighs “everything HYDRA out inside me is still there, All he had to do was say the goddamn words.”

“Who was he?” Steve asks,

“I don’t know,”

“A lot of people are dead. The bombing, the setup, the doctor did all that just to get 10 minutes with you. I need you to do better than I don’t know,” said Steve,

“He wanted to know about Siberia, where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where.” Bucky said,

“Why would he need to know that?” You chime in,

“Because I’m not the only Winter Soldier,” Bucky replied, 

“Who were they?” Steve.

“Their most elite death squad, more kills than anyone else in HYDRA history and that was before the serum.” Said Bucky,

“They all turn out like you?” Sam Asked,

“Worse” you and Bucky say at the same time, Bucky looked at you in surprise

“You know of them?” he asked you,

You nod “It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later.”

Steve and Sam asked a few more questions and then spoke quietly to each other, you go over to Bucky

‘Hey guys, can we get him out of this grip?” you asked them, Bucky’s arm had been jammed between a hydraulic press as a safety measure.

Steve and Sam ignore you, so you go ahead and let Bucky’s metal arm out of the grip. He sits back rolling his shoulders, “How mad is he?” Bucky asks you quietly,

You look over at Steve and sigh, “Very..”

“I’ll talk to him,” Bucky said,

“No. No don’t do that,” You say, “Last thing we need is you taking my side over Steve’s, he hates me enough already.”

Bucky stayed quiet, just observing you as you sat next to him.

“What’s the plan of action?” You ask Steve and Sam,

They exchanged a glance, then Sam spoke. “Y/N, I don’t think you should be a part of this,” he said softly, “It’s for your own safety.”

“Sam, just stop.” You say annoyed, “I am as much a part of this as the rest of you, fuck my safety, stop treating me like a fragile flower because I sure as shit am not.”

They were all silent, “Now what is the fucking plan of action, or so help me god I will literally beat the shit out of all three of you.”

Bucky looked like he was about to start laughing, he looked at Steve and Sam “I like her, we should keep her.” He said.


	12. The Prosthesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve has not gone sideways. There isn’t a happy ending here.
> 
> Things have changed, especially for the reader but can they all survive the civil war?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is welcomed!

*The events of Civil War take place, Bucky and Steve along with the rest of Team Cap are cleared of their transgressions.

 

A year later (Post Civil War)

You sat on the edge of your bed, looking down at the scars on your naked body. After the Civil War you had been a casualty of the conflict, and during the fight at Leipzig-Halle you had been severely injured and lost part of your arm and leg when Vision had brought down part of the hangar building, crushing you beneath it. It had taken months of healing and physical therapy and the help of T’Challa who had his medical staff fit your body with vibranium prosthetics before you were able to walk or even leave the infirmary. Even with your body’s rapid healing, this injury was substantial.

Throughout this process you had withdrawn into yourself, rarely speaking or interacting with any of the team. Not that they were much of a team anymore. Steve, Bucky and the rest of those who fought on team Cap were cleared and allowed back onto the compound, but under strict supervision. During the process of your rehabilitation Steve tried time and time again to see you but you refused to see any of them, you felt deformed and detached from everything. Your life would never be the same again, and it had begun to take its toll on you.

A sudden knock on your door had you snapping out of your thoughts, “Y/N?” Tony’s voice on the other side,

“Just a sec,” you call out and stand up slowly limping over to the nearby chair and putting on a baggy t-shirt to cover up your nakedness.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” You say, the A.I understood, and the door swung open,

Tony walked in carrying two coffee mugs, “Hey Kid, how are you feeling today?” he asked with a small smile.

“Getting there, not really used to all this metal” You say, smiling back.

“How’s the balancing of the arm?” Tony asked,

You shrug, “Feels like an arm, I guess?”

Tony set down the coffees on the dressing table and walked over to where you stood, he began examining your prosthetic leg. It had been amputated from just above the knee and the vibranium prosthetic attached from there. You looked at your arm which was also amputated just above the elbow, the shiny metal glinting in the light, and clenched your fist.

“Its going to take some time getting used to being on prosthetics,” Said Tony, handing you one of the coffee mugs, “But you will bounce back better than ever,” you knew he was only trying to cheer you up but lately you didn’t feel any optimism at all.

“The team wants to see you, you know” said Tony, “They were all worried about you,”

You take a sip of the hot coffee and sit down on a nearby chair, sighing. “It’s not really much of a team anymore though, is it.” You say quietly looking down,

“What matters is that we are all still here, together.” Tony replied firmly,

You look up at him tears threatening to fall, “Is Bucky here?” you ask, you don’t know why you asked for Bucky. Somehow you felt in this moment he would be the only person who could relate to your situation.

“Bucky’s away for a little while,” Tony says, “He’ll be back In a few days but Steve’s here and he has been hankering to see you,” he looks at you encouragingly,

He takes you silence as a no, “Y/N, don’t shut him out, he loves you. He has been a wreck since you were hospitalized, he never left your side when you were comatose.” said Tony,

You sigh, as much as you didn’t want to see anyone it had been months now that you had shut yourself away and you knew you had to face them eventually. So, taking a deep breath, you stand up and hand Tony your mug of coffee, “Help me put on some shorts, and I’ll come say hello.”

Tony looked surprised, but he quickly hid it and helped you put on shorts and a better t-shirt. You splash some water on your face and then Tony give you a lending hand as the two of you exit your room after months of isolation.

___________________________________________________________

Natasha, Steve and the newest recruit Peter Parker, were all sitting in the living room when you and Tony walked in, they all immediately fell silent when the two of you stepped in. Steve was the first to his feet when he saw you next to Tony, “Y/N” he said surprised but he couldn’t seem to find the right words and looked at Natasha for help.

“Hey, Y/N” Nat said coming towards you, you could see the sympathy in her eyes and it annoyed you, but you smiled back at her not wanting to show you were annoyed. Nat hugged you and then stepped back to examine you, “Silver suits you,” she said with a wink, you managed a small laugh at her comment.

Peter came forward as well and awkwardly stood nearby, you two hadn’t properly been introduced so you held out your hand “Hey Peter,” trying to lighten the mood without realizing you had used the vibranium arm. Peter shook your hand without even looking at it and you were grateful to him for it.

“Hi, I’m Peter.” He said, “But you already know that, I’m spiderman, but you also already know that. Cool metal leg, looks like the winter soldier” but when he saw the look on everyone’s face he quickly dropped the topic “So uhhh yeah I’m going to shut up now,” he said then stepped back,

“Come Kid,” Said Tony, beckoning Peter out of the room with him,

Natasha also made an excuse to leave, leaving you and Steve alone. He stood awkwardly across the living room looking at you.

“Steve,”

“Y/N”

You both spoke at the same time. “You go first,” You say to Steve,

“Do you want to sit?” he says stepping towards you unsurely,

You nod and then limp to the couch and take a seat, he sits next to you in silence for a moment. Finally, he looks at you and then at your body, the many scars visible his eyes linger on your now prosthetic limbs then he looks away and sighs deeply. “Y/N, I am so sorry for what happened, if I could trade places with you I would gladly do it,” he said softly “I am eternally sorry, I am sorry I left you, I am sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

“It wasn’t your fault Steve, whatever guilt you’re feeling stop. I made the decisions that lead up to what happened to me, not you.” You reply,

He looked at you, sorrow evident in his eyes. “I should have protected you.”

“Steve, stop. Going over and over what could have or should have happened won’t help anyone. What’s happened has happened and I am learning to live with it.” You say tenderly, you weren’t expecting yourself to be so forgiving but the months you spent away from the team and Steve gave you perspective on what had happened and all the anger you had, had dissipated.

Steve took your hand in his, “Does it hurt?” he asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

You shake your head, “No it doesn’t, it did at first, but I am used to it now.”

Steve gave you a small smile, “That’s good to hear,”

The two of you were quiet for a moment then you asked him, “Where’s Bucky?”

Steve’s whole demeanor changed when you asked about Bucky, “He is gone to Wakanda, with T’Challa for a few days, he will be back soon. Today actually.” He answered.

“Is he doing okay?”

Steve nodded, “He’s getting used to his new-found freedom, not that it’s a lot around here, what with Tony hating his very existence but he is better than he was.” Steve replied with a smile,

“I am glad,” you say, “and I am happy you and Bucky got your little reunion,” You sounded a little snarky saying that, but you meant it with good intentions. 

“Mostly thanks to you,” He says,

Before you could respond F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice sounded over the intercom, “Miss Y/L/N, your physical therapy session is due to start shortly, Captain Rogers, would you escort Miss Y/L/N to the gym please?”

“Thank you, F.R.I.D.A.Y” you reply to the A.I, you then turn to Steve “Do you want to escort me?” repeating the A. I’s comments, batting your eyelashes.

Steve gave you a half smile, “It would be my pleasure,”.

The hour long physical therapy session was easier than the last time, Tony and Steve sat in your session and observed your progress with the doctor . Steve helping you across the gym catching you if you stumbled or lost your grip on something. Using the prosthetics were getting easier but your body was still not entirely used to them, you were feeling more confident in the arm, confident enough to start lifting light weights again.

You look over to where Tony and Steve sat, their faces made you feel self-conscious. Tony looked like a proud dad while you lifted the weights and Steve had a big grin on his face. 

“Guys, you’re being weird.” You say to them and they both quickly tried to look away and pretend to talk to each other, you unexpectedly felt good about yourself again, getting out of your room might have been just what you needed. Prosthetics or not, just being in the massive airy gym with the doctor was good for you.

Suddenly when you look over at Steve and Tony again, practically the whole team was there. Wanda, Vision, Natasha, Peter, Sam, even Scott was there. But behind them was where your eyes stopped. Bucky stood next to T’Challa, his eyes were fixed on your metal prosthetic arm, he suddenly turned to Tony and T’challa and said something then walked out. Tony and T’Challa followed him out, with Steve close behind them.

“Y/N?” said the doctor, you looked back at him. “Sorry what?” you asked,

“I asked if you would like to stop for the day?” he repeated his question,

“Uh, yeah yeah, umm thank you. Sorry I’m distracted.” You said shaking your head,

“It’s okay” the doctor smiled, “You are doing phenomenally, before you know it you will be running again.”

You thank the doctor again and then limp over to where your friends are. Sam was the first to pounce on you, “Y/N!” he exclaimed pulling you into a tight hug, “You are back!”

“Sam, Sam,” you gasp, “Can’t breathe.”

“Oh shit sorry,” he apologizes then releases you from his tight hug, the rest of the team gave you congrats on coming out of hibernation hugs and Scott made a few jokes about becoming a robot which you took in good spirit. Then Vision stepped forward, and everyone fell silent. He looks you over and then speaks, “Y/N, I am truly sorry for what happened to you.” He said, “It was never my intention to cause you grievous bodily harm.”

“I don’t think it was any of our intention to hurt each other back then but we did.” You respond, “I have put it behind me now, so let’s just not talk about it anymore okay?” you smile at everyone,

They seemed hesitant at first but then relaxed a little. Sam was about to say something when you heard yelling in the corridor outside the gym, you all look at each other then make your way out of the gym towards the yelling. You can hear Tony and Bucky shouting at each other, it was about you.

“You said you wouldn’t give her cybernetic prosthetics!” said Bucky angrily,

“I don’t owe you any promises Barnes,” Snapped Tony, “You are here because of Cap, and that’s all.”

“It was the only way to save her life, Barnes” T’Challa interjected,

“You turned her into a weapon!” Bucky’s voice getting louder,

“Buck.” Said Steve placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder trying to calm his friend down,

Bucky shrugged Steve’s hand off, “You think there won’t be people who will come after her now? And try to manipulate her for their own agendas?” he said angrily to all three of them, “No. of course not, all you care about is what suits you” he pointedly looked at Tony

“You are not a part of this team Barnes, step out of line and I will have you thrown back into the Raft.” Tony said threateningly, 

“Do it. I dare you.” Bucky replied just as threateningly, squaring up to Tony.

“OK. That’s enough you two,” Steve ordered, placing himself between Tony and Bucky, “None of this was up for discussion, we had to save her life Bucky, this was not about making her any kind of weapon and Tony could you stop threatening Bucky every damn chance you get, you two act like children”.

Bucky turned around to storm away but stopped in his tracks when he saw you standing in the corridor, along with the rest of the team behind you. Tony, Steve and T’Challa all turned around to face you as well, “Y/N,” Tony walked toward you, “How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough,” you respond, looking at the four of them, annoyed.

They looked like four guilty puppies, T’Challa walked up to you “Y/N, how are you feeling with the prosthetics?” he asks you,

You flex your arm, the cybernetics whirred as you did “Getting used to them, with a little more practice I wouldn’t even notice it’s there.” You say to the Wakandan king. “I never got to say thank you, for saving my life”

T’Challa smiles at you and nods his head in acknowledgment,

Tony claps his hands, getting everyone’s attention. “I think we should have a little celebration drink in Y/N’s honor!” everyone heartily agreed to this and you all made your way to the downstairs bar.

Bucky hung back and walked slowly beside you, you saw Steve eyeing the two of you but didn’t say anything as he was in the middle of a conversation with T’Challa about Bucky.

“I know you have probably answered this a thousand times already,” Buck said quietly to you, offering you his arm to lean on, “But how are you really?”

“Doing as well as I can be in this situation,” you say, looking up at Bucky you give him a smile, he out of everyone in this house would probably understand what you were going through the best.

“I know how difficult it can be getting used to the prosthetic,” he said, placing his new metal arm on your hand, “Believe me it took years for me to stop looking at it as a deformity,”

You appreciated him being candor with you about this, everyone else danced around the topic of your prosthetics. “The hardest part I think is getting used to the leg,” you said, “I keep tripping or stumbling with it”

“With proper training you will get used to it sooner, I can help if you’d like?” he offered,

“Yeah, I’d like that…” you accept his offer. It would be nice having someone who understood how it was like to go through the process of having to rehabilitate your body after an amputation.

Tony had gathered everyone at the bar and was popping bottles of champagne when you and Bucky walked in, you took a seat at the bar eager to get off your feet and give your body a rest.

Steve handed you a glass of champagne and stood next to you, placing an arm around your shoulder. Tony jumped up onto the bar in typical Stark style and raised his glass,

“Okay people let’s raise a glass, except you, Parker you can raise your juice box,” he pointed at Peter, everyone laughed as Peter raised his apple juice box and rolled his eyes. “Raise your glasses to Y/N, here’s to you being such a trooper and to you bouncing back even better and faster than ever!” he said, “We are all backing you 100%! To the next chapter in the now bionic book of Y/N Y/L/N!”

You chuckled at the last part and cheered with everyone. Maybe life as a bionic Avenger wouldn’t be so bad if you had this team around you, you thought. You look up at Steve beside you and smiled, it had been a long time since you had felt happy, if that was the sensation you were feeling in this moment.

But in the darkness below the surface, there was a storm brewing…A storm you would never be prepared for.


	13. The Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve has gone sideways. There isn’t a happy ending here. Steve and the reader have a tumultuous relationship. There is so much working against them at this point, yet somehow hey always end up back at square one with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a long series, but I hope you enjoy it!

“Where are you off to in such a rush?” Bucky asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

You hadn’t pulled your t-shirt on yet, it was just over your arms in front of you. You stood there in your bra. Bucky’s eyes went over your body once then back up to your neck, and his eyes widened.

“Are those hickeys?!” He exclaimed, he said it almost angrily, he moved closer to look at your neck and shoulders, you pulled back and quickly pulled your t-shirt on.

“Bucky, what do you want?” you asked, feeling your panic rising again.

“Are you okay” he says clearly seeing the panic on your face, concern in his eyes,

You take a deep breath, you can feel the panic attack coming on. The last person you needed to see was Bucky, “I am fine Buck, I just need to get out of here,” you reply trying to smile through your evident panic attack.

“First of, you’re clearly not fine, secondly you don’t have to talk to me, but I know you well enough to know what happened, thirdly I am not going to let you run away from your problems in typical Y/N style.” He said moving closer to you he gripped your shoulder, “Get your shit together, take a deep breath and let’s go outside for a moment.”

You just nodded, you were afraid that if you started speaking you would start crying and you did not want to cry in front of Bucky, that would just make you look weak and pathetic. There was really no need for you to have a panic attack over just sex, but this situation was going to get out of hand so quickly and you valued your relationship with Steve so much lately, it had taken so long for the two of you to forgive each other and trust each other again and you knew having a relationship would ruin what you had built.

Bucky walked with you outside in silence, somehow, he always knew what to say and do around you. It was easy with him, he never overstepped the lines or forced you to talk to him when you didn’t want to.

The two of you sat quietly on one of the swings in the massive back yard, there was a training obstacle course that had recently been built back there. But Tony had also put in a deck with some chairs and a swing overlooking the course. The warm air of the late afternoon sun felt good on your skin, you sat on the swing next to Bucky, trying to quiet your mind. He didn’t say anything, he just looked out at the horizon occasionally glancing in your direction.

Eventually he broke the silence, “You are going to melt you brain if you keep thinking so hard,” he said gently

You groan and cover your face with your hands, “What have I done.”

Bucky placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” He said, you look at him and the concern in his eyes evident. you didn’t know where to begin, it was such a shitty story to have to tell him.

You sigh and bring your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on them. “I fucked up Bucky, really bad and I know I can’t take it back without hurting him and I don’t want to because we are finally okay after everything that happened last year and I don’t know what to do,” You said softly,

Bucky was quiet for a moment, “Did you sleep with Steve?”

You pull a pained face at the memory of it and facepalm yourself. “God, why am I so stupid and impulsive!?”

Bucky sighed and put an arm around your shoulders, “As much as I wish you hadn’t told me that, I have to be honest with you. Don’t hurt him, he loves you and we all see it. You can’t hide from your feelings or his feelings forever and neither can he, you fucked up by sleeping with him but sooner or later one of you is going to slip up and hurt each other if you don’t face it now, either you want to be with him and make it work or shut that shit down now, while you still can.”

You looked at Bucky, his face was serious and calm. “I don’t know if I can reciprocate the love he wants to give me…” you say quietly, “I don’t know if I am capable of that kind of love,”

“None of us think we are capable of love Y/N, but you can’t shut it out without even trying.” He said gently, “You are worthy of the love he wants to give you, don’t depreciate yourself so much.” He lifted your chin up, and held your jaw between his metal hand “Give yourself a chance.”

Everything Bucky had said, struck something inside of you. You had been running away from love for so long. Your whole life in fact you had always thought yourself unworthy of the love others gave you, whether it was your fellow avengers or Steve or even Bucky. You shied away from it, and you knew why you just could never bring yourself to admit it to anyone.

There was a short-lived moment between yourself and Bucky, where he looked in to your eyes and you felt as if his icy blue eyes saw into your soul. All these months he was there for you, helping you through one of the most fracturing experiences of your life, he coached you through training and stood by you when you threw yourself a pity party about never being normal again. He listened to you whine about life and was there to share in the moments of happiness too and in that fleeting moment you realized that Bucky Barnes had been your soul’s revival.

You looked away just as fast as the moment had begun, and pulled away from him, before your feelings betrayed you. Sam came strolling through in the nick of time as Bucky was about to say something, “Tony is looking for you two,” he said walking up to the swing, the look on his face made Bucky and yourself stand up immediately and follow him to the conference room.

_______________________________________________________

Holding Steve’s shield, you burst through the glass doors, behind you Bucky and Steve were fighting enhanced soldiers. Natasha in front of you firing off her guns relentlessly, Sam next to her maneuvering across the floor, trying to get to Steve and Bucky. You pushed yourself harder and ran towards Peter who was being pinned down by two enhanced. You fling Steve’s shield at the closest attacker, it hit him on the side of the head immediately making him drop to the ground, blood emerging from the wound in his head now.

Peter took care of the next one, and you helped him up when he had knocked the enhanced out. Over the comms Tony told Peter to get out of there and told you to escort him to the Quinjet immediately, you followed the instruction and yourself and Peter exited the building, and boarded the quinjet, where Tony sat waiting for them.

There had been an attack on one of Tony’s old weapons facilities, by alleged HYDRA enhanced. And he had called you all in that night to deal with the situation. It was a quick mop up job, but these soldiers did not fight like any other HYDRA enhanced you had faced before, it turned out to be a little more difficult than usual.

“Where’s the rest?” He asked as you and Peter buckled in,

“Steve and Bucky are on their way, Nat is gathering the last of the intel she can, and Sam is going airborne to see if there are any runners.” You replied,

Tony nodded and fired up the jet the moment he saw Steve and Bucky run towards the jet, Natasha following closely behind them.

Upon the team’s arrival back at the compound, Tony said he was going to take Peter home. Everyone disembarked the jet and walked into the compound. Natasha had been unusually quiet on the jet ride back home and kept looking at you funnily. It didn’t go unnoticed by you.

The first thing you wanted to do was get out of your suit and into a hot shower, it had been your first mission since you had received your prosthesis, and you needed to rest your now tired limbs. It had been a thrill fighting with the vibranium limbs, you were faster and stronger than before, but there had been moments when you had misjudged your own strength and fatally wounded your opponents. Something you needed to work on, you thought.

It was well past midnight when the mission was over, so most of the team was ready to sleep it off. They all dispersed as soon as they entered the building, you walked through the dark compound towards your room. the silence in the corridors were eerie at this hour, you suddenly heard footsteps behind you and you assumed it was Bucky as your rooms were near each other. Suddenly you felt a hand wrap around your arm and shove you up against the nearest wall,

“What the hell,” you almost shout, it was Natasha.

She placed her elbow across your throat cutting of your air supply,

“Nat, what the fuck,” you say your eyes wide, as you struggle to breath.

“Who are you really?” she hissed at you, pushing harder against your windpipe.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you gasped, you knew you could probably knock her out with one punch from your prosthetic arm, but you didn’t. you didn’t know what was going on with her and knew inciting violence would only cause chaos.

“I saw your file, on the hard drive I pulled off one of the Hydra Agents Y/N.” she hissed, “So I’m going to give you a chance to tell me the truth or I will crush your windpipe with my bare hands,”

Suddenly Bucky rounded the corner and his eyes widened in shock when he saw the two of you, “Romanoff, what the fuck are you doing?” he exclaimed rushing towards where the two of you were.

“Back off Barnes!” she snarled, and Bucky halted immediately a few feet away,

“What’s going on Natasha?” He repeated looking between the two of you,

You were struggling to breath with the weight she was placing on your throat, but whatever Natasha had found on the hard drive was enough to send her into instant kill mode, so you didn’t fight it. You knew this was going to happen eventually and everything in your past would come tumbling down like an avalanche.

“Stay out of this Bucky,” Natasha warned him, looking at him like she was going to kill him next,

“Nat, let her go, she can’t breathe.’’ He said quietly, sinisterly.

Suddenly Natasha removed her arm from your throat and you buckled, coughing and gasping for air. She stepped towards you and without warning kicked you in the side of the head sending your practically flying across the hallway, your head was spinning, and you felt blood in your mouth, but your reaction time was impeccable, you immediately jump to your feet.

“Natasha Stop!!” Bucky yelled and charged at her, he tackled her to the ground, but she easily maneuvered into an upper hand position, wrapping her legs around Bucky’s throat and choking him.

Bucky’s shout had woken up the rest of the team and Steve, Wanda and Sam came sprinting down corridor, but you were already on your feet and walked over to Natasha using your prosthetic vibranium arm you punch her square in the face, knocking her out instantly. You never wanted to hurt Natasha, but you knew she wasn’t going to stop at this point and whatever she had seen on the file she found was going to come out sooner or later.

An hour later

You sat next to Steve in the infirmary, Natasha lay in front of you, strapped down to the infirmary bed. There was a nasty bruise forming on the side of your face already and your lip was split from where she kicked you. Steve handed you an ice pack,

“Why did she attack you, Y/N?” He asked again,

“I don’t know!” you reply exasperated from everyone asking you the same question a million times,

“You do know…” Said Nat groggily from the bed, she had awoken.

You froze, your heart began thumping in your chest, the moment you had dreaded had finally come. The past you had so carefully hidden was about to be exposed.

Steve immediately stood up and went over to Natasha, “Are you okay, Nat?” he asked,

“I’d be a hell of a lot better if you undid these straps,” she said pulling on the restraints on her wrists,

Steve looked back at you then sighed and began removing them. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.” he called out, “Please let the rest of the team know Nat is awake and they need to come to the infirmary,”,

“Right away Captain Rogers,” The A.I replied,

There were a few minutes of silence between the three of you, as you waited for the rest of the team to arrive. Natasha sat up in the bed and winced, she had a massive bruise forming around her eye where you punched her, she reached up and touched the tender skin and winced. She gave you a filthy look then grabbed the ice pack on the side of the bed and held it to her face.

You were about to talk to her, but just then Tony, Sam and Bucky walked in, followed closely by Wanda and Vision.

“How are you both feeling?” Tony asked, walking over to Natasha and immediately checking her vitals,

“Like I was hit with a fucking metal arm!” Natasha snarled at you,

“You kicked me in the fucking head!” you shot back,

Natasha jumped off the bed wanting to come at you, but Steve held her back, “Whoa whoa, calm down both of you. What is going on with the two of you?” He said,

She looked at you, “Do you want to tell them, or should I?” She said coldly,

“I don’t fucking know what you’re talking about!” You snarl,

Everyone is now looking at you, and you knew what was about to happen and no matter what you did and how much you pretended you could not prevent this from coming out.

“Zhelaniye…” Natasha said,

Terror flashed across Bucky’s face, “Why the fuck would you say that?!” he exclaimed, stepping back.

“Nat!” Steve exclaimed in shock as well, the rest of the team staring between the two of you.

Your heart felt like it was going to explode, when you felt the pull at the back of your mind. The moment the word left her mouth, you knew what was about to happen.

“Rzhavyy…” She said the next word,

Steve immediately moved toward Bucky, who had a look of absolute horror on his face. Even though T’Challa had managed to get the trigger words cleared in his mind, the memories were still there. Tony looked at you, and vision stepped toward you

“Romanoff! stop!” Sam said, warning her.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked looking intently at your face,

You twitch, and something tugs again at the back of your mind. Slowly opening the door to the memories, you had so carefully shut away.

“Sorok Odin…” She doesn’t stop, staring directly at you.

Steve suddenly looked at you and then at Natasha, horror registering on his face at what was happening. “Nat! Stop! Whatever it is, we will listen don’t do this!” He yelled at her rushing towards you, your eyes roll back as the memories in the back of your mind were released, and the flood gates opened. You clench your fists and prepare for the wave of nothingness to hit you, you felt your kill mode step in control and yourself slowly leave control of your mind.

“Rassvet…”

Your mind is clouded with misjudgment, you can’t hear your fellow avengers anymore. You know what’s about to happen. You scream out in pain as all the pain from all those years ago, the torture, the conditioning, came rushing forward. Steve is in front of you, his mouth moving but you cannot hear the words, he grips your shoulders looking fixedly into your eyes.

Behind him Bucky is trying to get to Natasha, but Tony stood in his way, Vision and Sam attempting to appease Nat or something. Wanda just stood in the doorway watching all this unfold.

“Pech’…” you hear only the next word and sharp pain lances across your head, and the anger is released.

Suddenly everyone backed away from you, except Steve. He remained in front of you, holding your shoulders. You can’t understand what he is saying, the pain in your head is too much.

“Devyat’” Natasha yells at you, and you convulse again, screaming in pain once more.

The only words registering were those of the trigger words, and Natasha knew that. she was not going to stop no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

“Dobroserdechnyy…” Your eyes open and you look directly at Steve, you do not know who he is anymore, he is now a hazard in your way that you need to get rid of. You raise your arm and bring it down across his face,

“Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu” You hit Steve again and this time Bucky rushes at you, stopping your fist with his. He is saying something to you, but your enraged mind does not register it, your ledger is red and all you want to do is kill. Everything in front of you.

“Odin…” She was reaching the end of the trigger words, no one was stopping her. Steve was getting up off the floor and Tony getting everyone out of the room, he grabbed Natasha by the shoulders and dragged her out of the room but not before she uttered the final trigger word.

“Zima!”

“Natasha!” You finally hear Bucky roar, and you pause for a moment and look at him, you register his face for a moment as you grapple with the conditioning of the trigger words,

“Run!” You whisper to them, before your vision blacks out and you lose control of yourself entirely as the assassin takes over you had so carefully hidden all these years was released.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve has gone sideways. There isn’t a happy ending here. Steve and the reader have a tumultuous relationship. There is so much working against them at this point, yet somehow hey always end up back at square one with each other.
> 
> After Your winter soldier revelation, can your lies be forgiven?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback?
> 
> Relationships get a little blurred and indecisive. I tried to normalize life for the characters a little. I like writing them as normal as possible.

“Y/N!” a voice in the distance yelled, “Y/N!” again. Your head felt like it was in a hornet’s nest. You look down, your hands covered in blood, you couldn’t tell if it was your own or someone else’s, Suddenly a strong hand grabbed you by the shoulders and pulled you to your feet. You were dazed and confused, your surroundings were foreign and there was glass and debris everywhere.

Again, there was a voice calling your name, repeatedly. You look in the direction of the voice, his face familiar yet his name escaping you, “Y/N,” He said again placing his hands on the side of your face, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” He repeated over and over as he looked at your blood splattered body.

Your fuzzy mind finally found his name, “B-Bucky…” you stammered, He nodded a relieved look coming over his face,

“What did I do?” You ask petrified of the answer,

“Nothing that can’t be fixed, okay.” He replied pulling you into a tight embrace, “It’s going to be fine,” he promised,

But you pulled away, “Bucky, what did I do?” You demanded,

“Y/N, I… I shouldn’t be the one to tell you, let me get you back to the compound, please.” He Says,

Your heart was hammering in your chest, you knew this would happen. You tried to tell Natasha, but she didn’t listen. You had kept this part of you hidden away for so long because you knew the havoc it would unleash when it was released.

“Is everyone okay?” You asked Bucky, but he didn’t say anything, he just offered an arm for you to lean on. As you stood up you realized you had three massive gashes on your abdomen, you held your arm against it to stop the bleeding, and the minute Bucky saw the blood pouring out of the wound he stopped and pulled his shirt of, “Hold this against it,” He ordered, you obeyed and placed the shirt against your wounds, you were becoming lightheaded from blood loss and needed medical attention soon. Bucky knew this and in one fell swoop he lifted you off the ground and carried you in his arms, towards the nearby Quinjet.

Upon arriving back at the compound with Bucky and Tony, who said nothing to you the entire ride over, Bucky escorted you to the infirmary where you saw multiple doctors waiting around. They were talking quietly amongst themselves but immediately stopped when they saw you and Bucky walk in,

One of the doctors rushed forward and took you from Bucky, you were escorted into one of the rooms and then they began cutting your shirt off to get to the gashes on your stomach. “I am going to give you a general anesthetic,” the doctor said, pulling out an injection but you shook your head,

“No, no anesthetic. Just stitch me up” You said through gritted teeth, it was going to hurt like a bitch bit you didn’t care, you couldn’t go back under.

“Are you sure?” he said hesitantly

“Yes, god fucking dammit, just do it!” You snapped,

The doctor quickly brought out the tray of cleansing alcohol and needles, you were expecting stitches but then he placed a staple gun on the tray as well and looked at you.

“It’s not too late to change your mind,” He offered when he saw the look on your face, you shook your head, there was no going back now.

You screamed blue blood murder as the doctor stapled you up, each gash needed fourteen staples before the bleeding stopped, you would have three ugly scars on your body when this healed.

Tony and Steve had come into the room while you were getting stapled up, Tony sat nearby holding his head in his hand as you screamed in pain and Steve stood next to you, trying to offer you some sort of comfort.

When the doctor was done, he wrapped it in gauze and bandaged it up then looked at Steve, “She needs blood,” he said to Steve, “Or she won’t make it the night with that,” pointing at your wounds.

“I’ll organize some from the blood bank, Thanks Doc” Tony said, standing up, he was hustling the doctor out of the room before you could say anything.

Steve wordlessly handed you two pain pills and a glass of water before he sat down on the edge of the bed. Tony walked back in and shut the door behind him, you knew it was bad from the look on their faces.

They were quiet for a moment then Tony stepped towards you, “How could you not tell us?! Me?!” he seethed, “All of this could have been prevented! You witnessed what happened with Barnes, and you kept this from us! You endangered all our lives, including yours!”

You remained quiet, you had nothing to say at this point. Steve looked at you, the betrayal evident once more in his eyes, “How many more times are you going to break our trust Y/N?” he said quietly,

It felt like he had shoved a knife into your chest when he said that, all you wanted to do was reach out and touch him, but you didn’t. “How long have you been a Hydra agent?” Tony asked you, “Or better yet, how long ago did you become a winter soldier?”

“Eighty-six years ago,” You murmured, they both looked at you in shock.

“1941?” Tony asked confused, He looked at Steve for answers but Steve shrugged his shoulders.

“Who could it have been? Zola?” He was asking more Tony than you, “Like Bucky?”

“Who gave you the serum?” Tony demanded,

“My Father…” you reply softly, looking up at them, they both had a confused look on their faces.

“You father? Who? Give us a name.” Steve said,

Tears well up in your eyes, this was the moment you had dreaded your whole life. Your secret you were so ashamed of. After all these years of running and protecting your identity you were finally going to utter it out loud once more.

“Doctor Zola…” You murmured, “My father was Doctor Arnim Zola.” 

Steve and Tony stared at you mouths agape in shock. The color seemed to drain from Steve’s face the moment you uttered his name.

“How is that possible?!” Steve demanded, “Zola never had children or a wife for that matter!”

“Steve, calm down” Tony said placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Tell us how it happened Y/N,” he said softly to you

“Of course, he didn’t inform anyone of my existence!” You said raising your voice, “I was there for all of it, hidden with my mother in Switzerland. When I turned twenty-one in 1941he came to me, with vial and said I was protecting his legacy by drinking it. He said it would save my mother and I from any harm after the war, but he didn’t tell me what was to happen to me once I took it”, you paused and looked down at your hands, the memories from that day flooding back. Tears falling freely from your eyes now, “When S.H.I.E.L.D captured him, he sent word to me, telling me to go to Siberia which I did. My mother had passed away by then, so I was alone, all I had was my father who kept me hidden from the world. I was conditioned in Siberia but not kept there for long, they brought me back to America to be with him, but he didn’t want me, just my blood so he kept me in Cryostasis, for twenty-two years until he received his fatal diagnosis and your father” You pointed at Tony, “Turned his brain into a data bank.”

You looked at Tony and Steve, they both stared intently at you, waiting for you to continue story.

“After my father was gone, I was released to do Hydras bidding. My conditioned mind didn’t know any better and so I was just another soldier in their mill being pulled in and out of Cryo whenever it was useful to them until I escaped my handler, seven years ago.” You said not looking at either of them, but rather looking at your scarred hand, “And the rest as you know is history…”

When you finished, Steve sat down on one of the chairs closest to him, he was pale and quiet. Tony moved towards you, “I-I… I am at a loss for words right now,” He said scratching his head, “You were right under our noses for so long and we never figured it out.”

“So how long have you been working for Hydra?” Steve said, “How long have you been feeding them intel on the Avengers?”

You looked at him incredulously, “Did you not just hear me?” you exclaim, “I left that life behind! I have been running from my legacy since I was given it! I didn’t want this! Therefore, I never told you!”

You suddenly burst into tears unable to keep ahold of your emotions any longer, surprisingly it was Tony who came and placed an arm around your shoulder, as if he understood the burden you carried.

“Yeah but of all the people in your life Y/N, I would have understood it best,” Steve said dejectedly, then he stood up and began walking out of the infirmary room.

“Steve, wait please. Just listen to me” You cried out,

He paused in the doorway and then turned back to look at you, “I can’t look at your right no, I’m sorry…” He said softly, the hurt and betrayal evident on his face as he turned away and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Tony got up from next to you and sighed deeply, “I am going to be honest, Y/N… this is going to be a hard one for all of us to come back from.” He said wiping his face tiredly, “I am going to have to confine you to the infirmary for a while, just a safety precaution, you understand right?”

You nod, not wanting to fight about this anymore. You knew this was coming and you had prepared yourself for this eventuality. Your life never had a happy ending ever, as shortlived as your time with your Avengers family was, you were prepared for what was coming next.

“Tony,” you say quietly, as he is walking out,

“Yes?”

“Could you please tell Bucky, how sorry I am.” You said, tears welling again.

“Bucky?” he replied confused,

“Yes, he will understand when Steve tells him.” You mutter closing your eyes. 

Tony walks out without saying anything, and you hear the door lock click behind him. You feel your world falling apart around you as you are powerless to stop it. The life you had kept a secret was now plastered all over the compound and your secrets laid bare for everyone to see, it had been a long time coming and fate had finally caught up to you. You had to live up to your legacy or leave it behind. The choices you made from this moment forward would determine that path.


	15. The Fresh start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve has gone sideways. There isn’t a happy ending here. Steve and the reader have a tumultuous relationship. There is so much working against them at this point, yet somehow hey always end up back at square one with each other. 
> 
> There is drinking and sex, what more could you want.?

You were confined to the infirmary for four days before Tony or any of the other Avengers came to see you. You had a blood transfusion, meals were regular, and the doctors checked up on you every couple of hours, but none of your teammates came to see you. The only person you really had to talk to was F.R.I.D.A.Y. but the A.I wasn’t really any company. You felt yourself going stir crazy, your wounds were healing rapidly but they were tender from the staples.

Finally, on the fifth day, Steve came to see you. You had just gotten out of the shower when he walked into the room, you stood by the bathroom mirror in your towel examining your scarred body. When you saw him you quickly covered yourself up,

“I mean it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before,” he pointed out,

You shrugged, “Different time, different situation, I guess.” You replied,

He nodded then took a seat on the of the chairs in the room, “Get dressed, I’ll wait.” Steve said gesturing to the bathroom where your clothes were.

You nodded and hurriedly returned to the bathroom to get dressed. you emerged a few minutes later dressed in a simple black tshirt and leggings, your hair still wet. Steve was looking through the small bookshelf in the infirmary room, Tony had it sent to your room with a variety of books on it on the first day of your confinement.

He turned around when you walked back into the room, pausing he looked you once over then sat down. “How are you feeling?” He asked you,

“Better than before,” Your curt response,

He nodded, then gestured for you to sit down. You take a seat on the couch nearby and patiently wait for him to start talking. Your nerves are on edge, all you want to do is fix this ocean between the two of you, but you knew this was a situation where it needed to come from him.

“The teams talked it over, you can leave the infirmary” He began, “But there are strict conditions, T’Challa is going to be arriving today to see if his team can help remove the trigger words from your memory, until then you can’t leave the compound or have any sort of communication with anyone outside of it.”

You didn’t say anything, Steve sighed irritated. “Are you going to say something?” he snapped,

“I don’t know what there is left for me to say…” You replied quietly,

“Say you’re sorry you lied, say you were going to tell me eventually, just say something to fix this Y/N!” he shouted,

You knew Steve was just hurting, so you ignored the fact that he was yelling. Hell, at this point you were just glad he was speaking to you. Steve stood up suddenly and walked over to where you were, and got on his knees in front of you, grabbing your hands.

“Why is it so difficult to love you?!” He said exasperated, “why can’t it just be simple,”

You look into his blue eyes and felt the tears threatening to fall. You had fucked up, and you wanted to fix this, but you couldn’t. you were beyond the point of redemption by now, Steve would never trust you again after this. He was right, you had broken his trust too many times.

“Steve, I am sorry, I truly am. But I won’t apologize for who I am,” You said, “I have run from this my whole life, I came to the Avengers looking for redemption for what I had done, I have paid my penance but if you can’t forgive me then I can’t stay here anymore or be a part of this team”, tears falling freely now.

You could see just how much your words hurt Steve, but you didn’t take them back. It had to be said, you knew things would never work between the two of you and it was time to accept that fact, no matter how many times you were drawn back to him.

Steve sighed deeply and wiped a tear from your cheek, “I love you Y/N, I really do…” he paused, “But it’s the secrets and the lies, that I am finding difficulty with.”

“There are always going to be parts of me that I won’t share with anyone, Steve” you said, “Every single one of us has secrets from each other, given mine was life altering, you cannot sit here and tell me everyone here is an open book with you.”

He was silent for a moment, then stood up. “You can go to your room if you’d like” he said, “I know Bucky wants to see you.” The way he said that almost sounded bitter, but you didn’t think anything of it, you just nodded and followed him out of the infirmary. Thanking whatever gods there were that you were free of that min numbing room.

A few weeks later, once you could be around everyone again, Bucky and Sam came to your room with a bottle of tequila. Since the incident, you had avoided everyone in the compound, keeping mostly to yourself. You had so many apologies to make, you had started with Natasha whom you had beat up pretty badly, she had multiple contusions on her face and a fractured wrist and collar bone. Sam and Bucky were next, you apologized for putting Sam’s head through a wall and for kicking Bucky off the balcony in the living room, they made it out with a few concussions and cuts, so they laughed it off. Tony had apologized to you for the gashes on your abdomen, no one explained how you had gotten them yet but apparently it had something to do with falling out the window.

The worst was apologizing to Steve, after everything he took it in his stride, but you knew there was now an ocean of distrust between the two of you, and no matter what you did it was going to take time before everything was okay again.

“The fun brigade is here!” Sam announced practically kicking your door open, a bottle of tequila in one hand and peach schnapps in the other. Behind him Bucky walked in with a smile on his face, holding shot glasses and more alcohol.

“We are here to help you drink your sorrows away,” Sam said placing the alcohol on the dresser, he was so proud of himself.

You looked between Sam and Bucky, they both looked like two frat boys who just found out they were on spring break again. “Guys as much as I would love to drink my sorrows away, I’m really not in the mood.” You say sighing,

“We don’t care,” Bucky said, you looked up at him in surprise, “We are doing this, and no one is arguing about it.”

You knew you weren’t getting out of this, these two were an immovable force when they wanted to do something, you sighed “Fine, bring that bottle of tequila here,” you say holding out your metal arm and motioning for Sam to hand it to you.

Sam and Bucky fist bump with big grins on their face, “Bro.” Sam said, looking at Bucky,

“Bro,” Bucky nodded in acknowledgment,

You looked between the two of them with a disgusted look on your face, “I don’t like this,” you said pointing at the two of them, “Since when are you two a thing?”

Sam shrugged, “Don’t know what you mean, just pour the damn tequila” he said jumping on to the bed with you.

Bucky got started with pouring tequila in the shot glasses, while Sam flipped through a magazine that lay on your bed, “Do you really read this garbage?” he asked you, it was a gossip magazine, you never really paid any attention but this one just so happened to have Steve on the cover and you were curious to see what it said about the Star Spangled man with a plan, well at least according to the headline that is.

“No, I was bored, and it was the only thing around,” you respond nonchalantly,

“Uh huh,” Sam doesn’t buy it when he looks at the cover and see’s Steve,

Bucky hands you a shot glass, “Bottoms up pal,” he says, you cheers with them and down your shot, the liquor burned as it went down your throat but you weren’t complaining.

The evening turned into a shit show, Sam, Bucky and yourself had gone through the entire bottle of tequila and half a bottle of schnapps by the evening and were now drunk dancing around your room, making a massive racket.

“Never have I ever, fantasized about kissing my best friend!” Sam said, pouring more shots,

Bucky and you both shrug and take a drink. Sam howls with laughter, “You want to kiss Steve?!” he said doubling over with laughter,

“Not in a sexual way! In a I love you pal, kind of way.” He said defending himself,

“I don’t think that’s a thing,” You chimed in drunkenly laughing,

“Ok, ok!” Bucky said, raising his hands swaying slightly from inebriation, “never have I ever, lied to someone I wanted to have sex with!”

You all take a drink, that was an obvious one.

“How else do you sleep with someone if you don’t lie to them?” Sam said,

“Exactly, you have to flourish your stories with lies to get anyone into bed!” Bucky agreed,

You shook your head, “Well you don’t always have to lie if its love,” you say,

“BOOOO,” Both Bucky and Sam heckled you, throwing pillows at you.

“Okay! My turn!” you say laughing, “Never have I ever injured myself while trying to impress a guy or girl in bed,”

You were the only one who drank, both Sam and Bucky burst out laughing.

“What did you do?” Bucky asked with a shocked amused look on his face,

“Oh, this is a story I HAVE to hear!” Sam laughed harder,

“I am not talking about this with the two of you,” You complained,

“Then you have to drink more!” Sam said handing you the bottle of schnapps, you shrugged and grabbed it from him and took a swig. The sweet alcohol going straight to your head.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door but before you any of you could respond the door swung open. Steve stood in the doorway, looking at the three of you. You still had the bottle of schnapps to your lips when he walked in, “What in the name of all that is good are the three of you doing in here?” He asked incredulously, Steve looked like a dad who had just caught his kids drinking for the first time as he observed the three of you, standing in front of him.

“House party!” Sam said a little too excitedly, acting like a teenager.

You choked on the schnapps in your mouth, and couldn’t hold it in any longer, you burst out laughing and sprayed Schnapps all over Bucky’s face. He stood there looking utterly shocked covered in schnapps.

Without warning, Steve burst out laughing at the look on Bucky’s face. He stood in the doorway doubling over with laughter for a good minute. None of you knew how to react to this moment, you all just kind of looked at each other and then at Steve. He stopped laughing and then looked serious for a moment,

“If we are going to have a party, I think we should do it correctly.” He said solemnly,

All three of you looked at each other in confusion. Did Steve really just suggest throwing a party, Bucky had a big grin on his face, “Yes! I love this attitude!” he said moving forward and grabbing Steve’s shoulder.

Sam and Bucky in their slightly inebriated state had quickly gone into party planning mode and rushed out of your room to inform the rest of the team about the Captains impromptu party.

Steve stood awkwardly in the doorway, observing you. “You can come in, you know” You say gesturing him in, He walked in a few steps and then leaned against the dresser looking around your now messy room, “They wrecked your room,” he said looking around. It was a royal mess, shot glasses were strewn on the dresser, alcohol spills on the carpet, pillows, clothes and shoes all over the place, knives were just laying on the bed from when Bucky was showing Sam how to flip a blade.

“Yeah, we got a little carried away,” you chuckled, he laughed as well.

“Since when did Sam and Buck become best friends?” you asked him,

Steve shrugged, “Happened over night, guess they discovered each other’s mutual need to be a party animal and friendship blossomed.” He replied,

“I don’t like it, they are a hurricane together” you joked,

“Well its better than having them at each other’s throats all the time,” Steve pointed out,

You nod in agreement, a silence falls between the two of you, it had been hard to talk to Steve lately, he wasn’t forth coming, and you were tired of saying you were sorry. This was probably the most you two had talked since the incident.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. suddenly spoke over the intercom, “Miss Y/L/N, Captain Rogers? Sargent Barnes and Mr Wilson have requested your presence in the living room,”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Steve responded, “Shall we?” he asked you,

“Give me a minute let me freshen up,” you said, quickly darting to the bathroom to splash water on your face and fix your hair.

________________________________________________________________

In the short while that Sam and Bucky had vanished off to go gather the team, they had managed to find more alcohol, order pizza and drag everyone to the living room where they had set up a beer pong table and a dance floor.

Tony was sitting on the couch with Pepper, looking ever so amused at the situation unfolding before you.

“You know, I didn’t think I was funding a house full of party animals,” he said to pepper with an entertained smile,

“You knew what you were funding,” she replied rolling her eyes,

You and Steve walked into the living room and immediately Bucky handed you a drink, “Chug.” He ordered, you looked at him confused, “Anyone who walks in has to down a drink.” He explained,

You groaned but didn’t fight it, you just chugged the drink in your hand. It was a mixture of different alcohol and dash and it was revolting.

“Ugh, what the fuck was that?” you say disgusted,

“We named it liquid courage,” Sam said laughing, he was pouring more drinks for everyone, somehow even though they were earths mightiest heroes, the Avengers team still acted like a group of college kids on spring break.

As the evening wore on, everyone loosened up and began having a little more fun. A few more people joined them on the compound, Maria Hill, Rhodey, and even Clint made a surprise appearance.

You were having a great time, you didn’t feel ostracized anymore. It was as if they had all forgotten who you were as you chatted with extreme ease with your fellow Avengers. Bucky was stuck to your side the whole night, the two of you chatting endlessly about everything.

“Okay listen up!” Tony stood up on the table, “This is what we are going to do,” he announced gathering everyone around him as he swayed drunkenly.

“Y/N versus Bucky, Bionic arm wrestling!” He shouted, everyone cheered in agreement.

You look at Bucky and he shrugs “Why the hell not,” he says, his words slightly slurred at how inebriated he was.

You place your elbow on the table, readying your hand as much gripped into it with his metal arm. You look into each other’s eyes, Bucky’s steel blue eyes made your heart jump and you quickly looked away. as gorgeous and charming as he was you had to stay away from complicating your life further. Even drunk you knew you had to hide those feelings.

Bucky had a devilish grin on his face, “You’re going to lose pal,” he taunts you,

You just grinned back at him, “Lets do this,” and then you began.

It was less than a minute when Bucky bested you, you demanded a rematch, but everyone just booed. by this point in the evening you were drunk as all hell, as you stood up from the table, you swayed you head spinning. Steve was quickly at your side putting his arm around your waist, “Think you should go lie down,”, you look up into his blue eyes and in your drunken state you just wanted to kiss him.

But instead you turn to your fellow Avengers, “Hey, hey everyone!” you say loudly, “I have something to tell you.”

“Oh no,” you hear Steve groan, it was like he just knew you were going to embarrass yourself. “Come on, lets get you to bed,” he insists,

“No wait, guys listen,” slur drunkenly, “Sex and I had Steve!” you pause, ‘No wait, Steve and I had sex!” you said proudly, “And It was fantastic, Steve has such a big,” but he doesn’t let you finish your sentence, he clamps his hand over your mouth quickly, “Ok, we’ve heard enough, lets go” he says.

Sam looked at Bucky, ‘I told you! Pay up buddy!” he shouted drunkenly,

Tony and pepper just laughed, “We all already knew that dear,” he said,”You two aren’t very subtle,”

Natasha lifted her glass just as drunk as you were, “Salud,” she muttered downing her drink.

Wanda was on the couch pretty much passed out, she was a lightweight when it came to drinking with the rest of the team. and the others were all just drunkenly laughing at your confession. 

Steve lifted you up and threw you over his shoulder he was drunk as well just maybe not as drunk as you. The fast movement made you feel sick, but you were too drunk to protest it. Everyone started clapping when he started walking out the room with you over his shoulder, and you raised your arms up “We’re going to have sex again!” you shouted,

“No, we’re not.” Called out Steve as he walked away, not looking behind him at his friends who were doubling over with laughter at the situation. Bucky groaned shaking his head in embarrassment for you.

Your room was a mess, so Steve took you to his room, he gently placed you on the bed, you were drunkenly babbling about something or the other while taking your clothes off.

“What are you doing?” he asked you, as you took your shorts off.

“Well I am not sleeping in my clothes,” you said nonchalantly, “So give me a shirt or something to sleep in.” you sounded a little demanding, but it didn’t bother Steve, he half chuckled and then went into the closet and returned with a white t-shirt for you.

You grabbed the t-shirt from him mumbling thanks, and pulling it on then you turn away from him. Steve quickly grabs your wrist pulling you toward him, your body is now suddenly pressed against his. He looks down at you and your breath catches as you gaze his dazzling blue eyes,

“Out of all the women in the world, I had to fall in love with the most difficult one of them all,” he starts softly, and pulls your face towards his, “I want to move on and let you go but you’re all I think about,”

He kisses you softly, pulling you closer to him. You reach up and hold his face as you kiss, Steve relaxes beneath your touch. You know in your drunken state that you are both going to have to talk about this in the morning, but you don’t care in the moment. You were drunk and horny, and Steve was on the same level as you,

His hands move down to your hips and he grips onto them, suddenly pushing you back against the wall, you gasp in shock at his sudden roughness, but you weren’t complaining. Steve began kissing you again, picking you up against the wall so that you were straddling him. He broke away from the kiss for a moment to look at you then without warning he practically ripped the t-shirt off you, and began to trace kisses across your neck and chest. A soft moan escapes your lips as your heart rate increases, your breath catches as he touches you.

“Steve…” you say softly, threading your fingers in his blonde hair.

He suddenly pulls you away from the wall, carries you over to the bed and tosses you on it. Then climbs on top of you, and starts kissing you again, drunk or not Steve was always a great kisser you couldn’t deny that. you loved kissing him, suddenly he stopped and flipped you onto your stomach, an unexpected move but your excitement piqued as he gripped your hips, pulled you towards him and took you from behind.

________________________________________________________________

The next morning you woke up with a pounding headache. you groaned as you opened your eyes, everything hurt. You were in Steve’s arms, your head resting upon his chest. He was soundly sleeping beside you, the warm glow of the morning sun making him look almost ethereal. you moved slowly trying to maneuver out of his arms without waking him,

“Hmmm… don’t go,” Steve muttered sleepily, pulling you closer

“I have to use the bathroom,” you replied, “I’ll be right back,” giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. He smiled keeping his eyes closed as you got off the bed and pulled on one of shirt and disappeared into the bathroom.

Once in the bathroom, you drank about a liter of water trying to flush out some of the alcohol in your body. You examined yourself in the mirror, there were contusions, scratches and hickeys all over your body from your love making with Steve. He had been so rough yet so loving at the same time, it was a new side of him you saw last night. there were bits and pieces that were blank, but you would figure that out later.

Grabbing a spare toothbrush off the shelf, you brush your teeth, tie up your hair and freshen yourself up before going back into the room. Steve was still sleeping, and you thought it was best to leave him to sleep. You tiptoe towards the door grabbing your clothes that were strewn across the room, and were about to leave when Steve woke up sleepily and looked at you, “Where are you going?” he askes groggily looking around in a daze,

“I was going to get us some breakfast, go back to sleep, I’ll be back in a bit,” You replied smiling at him,

“I’ll come with you,” he offered, sitting up.

“No, no its fine Steve, sleep” you walk to the bedside and kissed him twice, “I’ll bring you breakfast in bed,” you smile,

Steve runs his hand through your hair and then pulls your face towards his again and kisses you, “I love you Y/N,” he said quietly then closes his eyes,

You didn’t respond, you couldn’t, because as much as you adored him you didn’t know if you loved Steve at this point, so you just touched his face and then left the room, shutting the door quietly behind you.

“Late night?” Bucky’s voice comes from behind you, making you jump.

You were standing at the kitchen counter making coffee for yourself and Steve when he walked in, and you hadn’t heard him do so.

“Ugh, how much did we drink last night?” You ask him,

Bucky’s gaze fell over your scantily clad body, “We practically emptied the bar,” he responded his gaze still on your body.

“Coffee?” You asked, gesturing to the mugs in front of you, he nodded and moved towards you taking a mug off the shelf and handing it to you.

“Steve still asleep?” He asks, you knew there was more to that question and you couldn’t meet his gaze.

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since he put me to bed.” You lied, Bucky snorted, he knew you were lying but he didn’t say anything. Instead he leaned closer to you, your heart starting to race as he got closer, he licked the side of his lip and for a moment you thought he as going to kiss you but then he reached passed you and grabbed one of the mugs of coffee you had already made,

“I’ll just take this,” he said, then he turned around and walked out of the kitchen, leaving you to deal with your mini heart attack. As much as you had a bond with Steve, there was connection to Bucky more so, Sometimes it felt like Bucky set your whole existence on fire just by being around him and that scared the living shit out of you.


	16. The Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve hasn’t gone as planned. There isn’t a happy ending here. Steve and the reader have a tumultuous relationship. There is so much working against them at this point, yet somehow hey always end up back at square one with each other. Relationships get a little blurred and indecisive. I tried to normalize life for the characters a little. I like writing them as normal as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only four more chapters till the series is done. Kind of proud of this work, so if ya wanna drop me some feedback, would be great!

“Move your legs! Pick up the pace! Stop Slacking!” Clint yelled at you, you were back to training at one hundred percent and Clint was working you to the bone.

“I need a break,” you whined, dropping the weights to the floor gasping for breath.

“Do you think your opponents are going to give you a break when you run out of breath?” Clint asked, irritated. He was always so serious when you were training, he didn’t like slackers and you had always been one in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes, and sighed, you had been training for most of the morning without a break and you were tired, sweaty and hungry. As you were about to complain again Bucky walked into the gym, followed by Sam.

They strolled over to where you and Clint were training, “You look like crap,” Sam pointed out taking a seat on the foam mat,

“You’re so sweaty,” Bucky said,

You ignored the two of them and continued your circuit with Clint watching closely,

“You’re not using your legs enough,” Sam chided,

“Yeah, you’re using your hips wrong.” Bucky added,

The pair continued to comment on your workout until you reached you peak level of frustration and without warning threw a weight at Bucky’s head. Because of his strength and quick reflexes Bucky caught it easily enough but had a stunned look on his face,

Sam started laughing, and Clint just had an annoyed look on his face, and he sighed.

“What the hell was that for?” Bucky exclaimed, tossing the heavy weight to the ground near you.

“Because shut the fuck up!” you yelled back at him, “If you think I’m doing it so wrong then why don’t you do it for me?!”, it was a stupid thing to say and it made no sense, but you were seeing red and when you became angry your mouth became reckless.

“We’re trying to help you,” Bucky said, standing up, taking an aggressive stance with you.

“Yeah, chill out,” Sam added,

Clint didn’t say anything he just walked away, shaking his head. He knew this was going to turn into a full-blown argument between the three of you and he didn’t want anything to do with it.

“You’re not helping by being the fucking peanut gallery around me assholes!” You shouted at them,

“You’re being a child,” said Bucky, “Take criticism like an adult,”

You froze and then turned to face him fully, “What did you just say?” you say icily,

Sam and Bucky looked at each other, obviously knowing they had gone a little too far, Sam began to back away slowly, but Bucky stood his ground.

“I said, you’re being a chi..” before Bucky could finish his sentence you full on thwacked him in the chest with your vibraniam prosthetic leg, the force behind the kick could have killed any ordinary man but Bucky was not an ordinary man and it winded him and sent him toppling backwards across the foam mat.

“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed, he knew better than to get involved so he back away from where you and Bucky stood,

Bucky got to his feet and looked at you, anger and amusement in his eyes. “I’m going to kick your ass,” he said and then charged at you.

The two of you crashed through the glass wall, glass shattering everywhere. You rolled in the splintered glass still gripping onto each other’s throats with your metal prosthesis, the glass cutting both of you.

“Yield.” You snarled at him,

“You first,” he taunted.

Behind you Steve, Tony and Clint came sprinting up to see what all the commotion was, the color drained from Steve’s face when he saw Bucky on top of you, both of you practically choking the life out of each other.

“What the hell is going on?” Steve said bewildered looking around, there was glass shattered everywhere, behind the two of you the gym was a mess from your spat with Bucky. Your fight had gotten so intense you charged at Bucky and sent both of you sprawling through the 3-inch glass wall of the gym.

“He wont yield!” you shout, more at Bucky than in response to Steve’s question,

“Y/N, for fucks sake, you two are going to kill each other,” Tony said frantically,

Bucky forced you off him, not taking his hand off your throat and the two of you stood up. still not releasing each other from the choke hold you were both in.

He stared into your eyes, and started grinning, almost taunting you. “Yield Y/N,” he said his voice rasping through your chokehold. Neither of you were using full strength but the grip was still strong enough that one of you would pass out eventually.

Steve marched up to the two of you, “What the fuck is wrong with the two of you,?” he practically shouted, you both looked at Steve for a moment then back at each other, neither of you wanting to yield first, both to stubborn to admit defeat.

“Steve make him yield.” You say, gasping for air by now.

“Buck! Please. Stop.” Steve said through gritted teeth, Bucky looked over at his best friend for a moment and then he registered the look of panic in Steve’s eyes, he was hurting the woman his friend loved and immediately let go of your throat and stepped back.

You weren’t expecting Bucky to yield, and when he pulled back from your grasp and let go of your throat, your knees buckled, and you fell to the floor, gasping for air.

Steve was immediately at your side, he put an arm around your shoulders. “Are you okay?”,

You ignored Steve and looked up at Bucky, “I win,” you said gleefully,

“You’re insane,” was Bucky’s only response.

“What the hell was that?” Steve asked both you of you visibly annoyed,

“She started it” Bucky began,

You cut him off, “No you and Sam started it!” you shot back,

“We were helping!”

“No, you were being pains in the ass!” half yelling again,

“You kicked me in the fucking chest!” Bucky scowled,

“You fucking deserved it! I should have out your fucking face through the wall!” You snap back,

“Try me, I fucking dare you!” he sneered,

“OK! ENOUGH!” Tony shouted,

“Both of you are acting like children!” Steve said helping you to your feet, his arms still protectively around you.

“You can’t go around beating the shit out of each other every time you have a disagreement,” Clint said,

“That’s not how a team works,” Tony.

“Apologize to each other.” Steve said sternly,

You and Bucky look at each other, you knew you were waiting for the other to apologize first, this was just going to be another battle between you two.

“You first.” You say nonchalantly

Bucky shook is head, “You must be fucked if you think I am going to apologize for not doing anything.”

“Well then I’m not apologizing either,” You respond,

Steve looked at the two of you incredulously, Tony stepped between you and Bucky and then hit both of you upside the head. Like a headmaster trying to discipline his pupils.

“Okay, I’ve heard enough, Rogers take Y/N to her room and get her cleaned up. I’ll deal with Barnes.” He ordered, Steve nodded and began to lead you away from the mess you and Bucky had created.

You look back at Bucky as he is leading you away, your eyes meet, and he gives you a lopsided grin before following Tony down the hallway. That fucking grin made your heart race and you couldn’t help but smile back at it.

A few months later

You awoke in Steve’s bed, rolling over to find an empty spot next to you. You can hear the shower running, looking over at the clock on the bedside table, it read 5:30AM. Steve was already in the shower and you assumed he had already gone for his usual 13-mile morning run and returned.

In the last few months, you and Steve had decided to just go with whatever was happening between you two, no labels, no pressure. Just take it day by day and have a little fun. It was going great so far, Steve was an impeccable gentleman. He would take you on dates, and surprise you will flowers some mornings and home cooked dinners in the evenings, even though there wasn’t a label on what the two of you were, naturally everyone saw you two as a couple.

It was nice being so comfortably close to someone, it was something you hadn’t really had all your life, and Steve was always generous with the affection he showed you. Whether it be a passing kiss on the cheek or a subtle hand holding yours during a meeting, he loved you and wasn’t afraid to show it.

He said he loved you every chance he got, you hadn’t gotten around to saying it to him yet. Again, you wrestled with your feelings and emotions, he wasn’t expecting you to say it back, but you knew eventually he was going to expect you to say it and you didn’t know if you felt that way about him. You loved him you just didn’t know if you were IN love with him. As silly as it sounds.

Steve walked out of the bathroom, with a towel around his hips, still damp and steamy from his shower.

“Good morning sweetheart,” he said smiling when he saw you awake,

You smiled back, unable to find words in that moment as he was so pretty it truly distracted you sometimes.

He busied himself getting dressed while you watched, in comfortable silence. He dressed in simple black sweatpants and a white t-shirt before turning around to face you.

“You’re staring,” he mused, looking at you.

“Oh I’m sorry, am I not allowed to stare at my boyfr…” you immediately stopped yourself, your heart began hammering in your chest. You almost let out the one word that would ruin whatever was going on between you two. You had been the one insistent on no labels, the look on Steve’s face said he knew what you were about to say but being the consummate gentleman that he is, he didn’t say anything.

Instead he changed the topic, “Would you like to go out for breakfast?” he asked, “There is this really nice place nearby that opened,”

But you were barely registering a word he was saying; your mind was racing. You had basically called him your boyfriend, you weren’t ready for the implications of that yet. Steve was still talking about something when you got out of the bed and began pulling your clothes on.

“Y/N,? Hello?” Steve said waving his hand in front of your face. You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at him,

“Sorry, what?” you ask,

“Breakfast? You and I?” he repeated,

“Uh yeah no I have…to…Uh…” You scratch your head struggling to find words, “I have to go see Bucky or Tony, or whatever.” You blurt out the first name on your mind.

Confusion flitted across Steve’s face, “See Bucky? For what?”

“Chores.” You mumbled grabbing the rest of your stuff around Steve’s room and hustling towards the door.

Steve reaches out and grab your arm, looking confused as ever. “Y/N, what is going on right now? Are chores really your excuse to run out on us again?”

“I am not running away,” You say pulling away from him, “I just have something to take care of,”

“Well it damn well seems that way.” He replied coldly, “And you’re conveniently running to Bucky.”

Those words stung, you froze for a moment and didn’t say anything. There was a hint of something in his voice, you couldn’t tell if it was jealousy, or resentment.

“Why are you so damn scared of commitment?” he asked, frustrated.

“I am not scared of commitment,” you defended yourself,

“You are though! At even the slightest sign of things getting serious you run away, you always have!” He exclaimed,

“I am not running away Steve, I just need a moment.” You say quietly,

“I have given you time, so much of it. I have come back to you time and time again, yet every time I think finally something is going to change, and we’re happy. You run again.”

“Steve, please don’t do this,” you say, feeling your tears threaten to fall.

“If you walk out that door now, don’t come back.” He said coldly,

You stood in the doorway, clutching your clothes in your hand tightly. This moment was a tipping point for you, you knew Steve was done if you walked out, there was no coming back from this.

You looked at him, you knew what you had to do. You gaze at him one final time, the tears falling freely from your eyes. “I am sorry Steve…” you whisper wishing you weren’t such a coward, and the immense hurt in Steve’s eyes cause you to turn around and run out of the room.


	17. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has found Bucky, but the relationship between the reader and Steve hasn’t gone as planned. There isn’t a happy ending here. Steve and the reader have a tumultuous relationship. There is so much working against them at this point, yet somehow hey always end up back at square one with each other. 
> 
> You have left, what else is there for you? That is until you get a surprise visitor...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Relationships get a little blurred and indecisive. I tried to normalize life for the characters a little. I like writing them as normal as possible. (PLEASE DROP ME SOME FEEDBACK!!)

‘Stupid, fucking coward,’ You thought bitterly to yourself, as you dump items of clothing into a bag on your bed. You were doing what you always do when you didn’t want to face a situation, running. You felt a panic attack coming on and immediately began pacing around your room, muttering to yourself, trying to calm down. You had to leave, and this time for good you couldn’t come back here after this or it would just be the same cycle with Steve all over again.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, a small part of you was hoping it was Steve as you went to open the door. It was Bucky, how did he always end up showing up at the exact moment you were in distress.

He looked passed you at your bed and the bags and clothes on it then back at you.

“Are you fucking serious?” he snapped, pushing passed you,

“hey! What the fuck,” you exclaimed stumbling aside as he did so,

“You’re leaving again?! God dammit Y/N, how many times are you going to do this?” Bucky said angrily brushing his dark hair out of his face,

“Bucky don’t.” You warned him,

“Don’t what?” He shot back, “I’m sick of this, we all forgave you for the secrets and the lies and Steve…” he shook his head angrily, “Steve has poured his heart and soul out to you and you continuously shit all over it! You can’t do this to him, he doesn’t deserve this Y/N!”

“Get out.” You yell at him,

Bucky refused to budge, he stood there looking at you arms crossed. “You’re not leaving.” He said, more of a command than anything else.

“Try and stop me,” you replied coldly, then grabbed your bags and walked out the room, Bucky followed you,

“Y/N, don’t leave again, this isn’t going to make you happy!” Bucky called after you

You ignored Bucky and kept walking towards the elevator, he was annoying you and hurting you at the same time, you knew you were leaving your heart here if you left but you just couldn’t stay in this moment.

“Y/N, just listen to me” Bucky said almost pleading with you now,

You reached the elevator and hit the button, waiting for it to reach the landing.

“He needs you, please, don’t leave him.”

Those words tug at your heart and you whirl around to face Bucky, “Don’t put that kind of fucking pressure on me,” you hiss at him, “It’s not fair!”

Bucky stopped inches away from your face, “If you leave, you will crush him.”

“Are we still talking about Steve?” You said quietly,

Bucky was silent, he just looked into your eyes, the look he had was soul crushing and it was killing you to walk away from all of this, but you couldn’t stop yourself. Every time you had the slightest chance of happiness, you hit the self-destruct button.

The elevator dinged as it hit the landing, “Goodbye James,” you said softly kissing his cheek and then turning away and getting into the elevator.

Bucky didn’t reply, but he didn’t stop you either. He watched with a pained look his face as you got into the elevator and the doors close behind you.

 

One year later.

You walk into your small loft apartment and kick off your snow-covered boots. Winter in Brooklyn was always miserable, you absolutely hated it. Placing your grocery bags on the kitchen counter, you begin making yourself a mug of hot chocolate hoping to warm yourself up.

Suddenly you from behind you, you hear the flor boards creak and you immediately freeze. There was someone in your apartment, you could hear soft breathing coming from behind the bedroom door. Knowing that whoever was behind the door was obviously watching you, you slowly place the mug of hot chocolate down on the counter and move towards the living room, out of sight of the bedroom door. The floorboards creak again, and you quickly dash towards the bathroom, there was an entrance to the bedroom through there as well.

Before you even enter the room, you already knew who it was. His smell was so distinct as you breath it in,

“Hey Buck,” You said softly,

You hear him sigh deeply then turn around and face you, he doesn’t say anything for a moment as he observes you.

Since you had left the compound, you had done everything to keep yourself off the radar. You moved to Brooklyn, got a small job at a diner to keep yourself afloat, kept your identity hidden, changed your name, your hair color. You had managed to stay out of any trouble thus far, and had hoped none of the Avengers would look for you.

“Hey Y/N,” he replied smiling, but the smile never reached his eyes,

“How’d you find me?” You ask, moving closer to him.

“I never lost you, just kept my distance,” he replied,

“Why are you here Bucky?” you say sitting down on the bed,

“You know why Y/N…” he said quietly,

You sighed deeply, you knew this was coming. You had seen it on the news, the Chitauri return, the alien attacks, more and more enhanced appearing. The Avengers had all assembled, and were recruiting as much help as they can.

“I don’t avenge anymore Bucky,” you said crossing your arms,

“So, you just going to sit back and let the world go to shit?” Bucky demanded throwing his arms in the air exasperated,

You stood up, you knew he was right. What was the harm in helping them anyway right?

“Fine.” You sighed, “But I am not staying at the compound.”

He nodded, and then tossed something to you. You caught it with your metal prosthetic, it was a blade that Steve had gifted you when you first joined the Avengers. “Welcome back to the Avengers,” he said, then turned around to walk out of the room,

“Bucky…” you said softly,

He looked back at you, and before you knew it you were running into his arms and he was hugging you tightly. You knew why you were crying, it had been one of the hardest moments of your life walking away from all of them, but Bucky didn’t say anything, he stroked your back comforting you in silence.

Finally, you pulled yourself together and stepped back, out of his embrace and looked at him. He started chuckling,

“What’s so funny?” you ask,

Bucky wiped a tear from your cheek, “Your face is so red, its actually kind of cute.” He said, smiling at you.

You playfully shove him, and then move away and begin packing up some articles of clothing.

“You don’t have to pack anything,” Bucky pointed out, “Your room is still there, with everything you left tin it.”

You looked at him in surprise, you half expected them to remove it immediately because of how you left. “Tony said no one allowed into your room or to remove anything,” he explained,

You just nodded, not knowing what to say. You felt terrible for leaving them without a warning and yet they still held the hope that one day you would come back.

After grabbing whatever you thought was necessary, Bucky led the way to a car parked downstairs, you knew it was from the avenger’s compound because it was sleek and black and looked like it cost more than what most people made in a year.

The car drive to the upstate facility was silent, Bucky didn’t say much to you, and you were too busy panicking about seeing the team to hold a conversation with him. He was gentlemanly enough to give you some silence to let you think or process what was about to happen.

Your panic attack hit you the second Bucky shut the engine of the car off in front of the compound, you were frozen in your seat, just staring wide-eyed at the massive building.

“Y/N?” Bucky said looking at you, he knew you were panicking and placed a hand on your shoulder, “It’s going to be alright, just take a deep breath and deal with whatever comes your way. I got your back in there okay?”

You look at him, there’s compassion in his ice blue eyes and he give you a small encouraging smile. Then he gets out the car and goes to grab your bag in the back seat, he waits for you to pluck up the courage to step out of the vehicle.

Stepping out of the car, you took a deep breath and followed Bucky into the compound. Your heart was hammering in your chest, you didn’t know how you were going to face these people that you had just abandoned without reason. The first person at the door was Tony, he had a warm smile on his face when he saw you, and immediately pulled you into an embrace, no questions asked. You saw him give Bucky a grateful look behind you,

“Come on in, lets go say hi to everyone.” He said, leading the way into the compound,

As you followed Bucky and Tony towards the Livingroom on the compound, you stayed a few feet behind them, listening to them talk logistics. Tony was the first to enter the Livingroom followed by Bucky, you could hear the team in there and more voices all chatting to each other.

You stepped into the room and everyone fell silent, all looking at you. your eyes immediately fell on Steve who was sitting on one of the black leather couches, a look of shock on his face when he saw you. Natasha and Peter stepped forward first and greeted you as if you were still the best of friends, Nat gave your shoulder a squeeze and then stepped away,

“Hey Y/N,” a familiar voice, you turn to it. It was Bruce Banner.

“Bruce!” you exclaim, almost jumping into his arms for a hug but you stopped yourself,

Doctor Banner looked you over and his eyes settled on your prosthesis, “I am sorry for what happened to you” he said, pointing to them,

“It’s okay, I’m used to them by now.” You replied shrugging.

Sam, Wanda and Clint were all next in line to say hi to you, none of them seemed even remotely mad at you, which surprised you. you were expecting a lot more angst from everyone, but you assumed Tony had spoken to all of them about this before you had arrived.

Suddenly Steve stood up and stormed out of the room, Bucky sighed loudly and then followed Steve.

Everyone fell silent again and looked at you and then at the door Bucky and Steve had just exited,

“Well that wasn’t awkward,” Sam said sarcastically, to which Tony rolled his eyes.

“Let’s go to the dining room, mandatory team lunch” Tony announced, but before anyone could exit the room, Steve and Bucky began arguing so loudly with each other, that you all heard.

“Why the hell is she here?” Steve raged,

“Steve calm the fuck down,” Bucky snapped, “They’re going to hear you!”

“I don’t care, I said don’t bring her into this, why did you have to meddle Buck?!” he shouted,

“I did you a damn favor, you have been pining after he for a year, confront this fucking situation. She was just as much a part of the team as you were.” Bucky half yelled back,

“I don’t need you to take care of me Bucky!” Steve fumed,

“This isn’t about you Steve, you aren’t the only one who loves her,” Bucky shot back,

“Yeah this isn’t about me, this is about you!” Steve seethed,

“Keep yelling at me, and I’ll put your face through that fucking wall,” Bucky threated,

“This isn’t safe for her,” Steve said quietening down,

“Well, you can either deal with it or not, because she’s staying.” Bucky replied,

Steve just snorted at his response then there was a moment of silence and footsteps, Steve and Bucky both entered the room again. The whole group was facing them now, and all of you had heard what they said, Bucky looked at your and realized from the look on your face that they had fucked up.

Everyone looked between the three of you, an awkward silence had fallen over the room. Tony quickly came to the rescue though,

“Okay, everyone out. Y/N, Steve, you stay.” He said hustling everyone out of the room,

“No thanks Tony,” Steve started, but Tony raised a hand to shut up him up,

“Sorry Cap, you’re going to be a hazard if you don’t sort your feelings out.” He said and then walked to the doors of the Livingroom, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. lock these doors until these two sort this out,” he told the A.I and then walked out.

“Certainly, Mr Stark” She responded, then You hear the doors to the kitchen lock as he walks out.

Steve sat down on one of the couches and crossed his arms, pointedly not looking at you.

You sighed and sat on the couch opposite his, also avoiding his gaze. The tension that fell over the room was palpable, finally after a good few minutes of silence you decided to break the ice.

“Steve,” You started, “I owe you an explanation,”

But he shook his head, “No you don’t, you don’t owe me anything. Everything we had, you took it with you the day you walked out on us. I don’t want your explanation.” He said distantly,

You fell silent, and looked down at your hands, you were expecting this from Steve, yet it didn’t hurt any less when he said it.

“Well we aren’t getting out of here until we sort this out, so can we just do that?” you say,

Steve looked at you, there was no anger in his eyes, just sadness and it hurt you so much to see that. Knowing you were the cause of him feeling that way made it ten times worse.

“I know you hate me,” you say,

“I don’t hate you,” Steve interrupted, “I could never hate you, even when I tried to, I still loved you.”

He faltered, then continued, “There was a time when you left where I tried so hard to hate you, and move on but I couldn’t. I kept coming back to my feelings for you, and the worst part of all of this is when I saw you today, I knew I would take you back in a heartbeat.”

You had no words, Steve was kind and forgiving to a default and you truly had taken advantage of that. He sighed and sat back in his chair, “We have always been tumultuous together haven’t we,” he said,

“That is mostly on me,” you reply,

“Not untrue,” he said, shrugging

“You don’t have to forgive me for walking out on us,” you said softly,

“I know I don’t, but I understand.” Steve said,

“Can you stop being so nice?” you say facepalming and feeling terrible,

Amazingly that made Steve smile,

“I really have to work on that, because I adore you Steve and I know I haven’t been the easiest girlfriend and I am the worst at all of this” you gesture to the room meaning the Avengers, I know I have a lot of making up to do for the last year,” you say softly, “But can I start by saying truce?”

He was quiet for a moment, then he nodded. “Yeah, true.” He agreed.

Suddenly over the intercom, Tony’s voice sounded, “Well done guys! Now join us for lunch!”

You groaned knowing that the entire team had just heard the conversation or watched it from behind the monitors.

You both stood up, making your way out of the living room, “Oh by the way,” Steve said as exited the room, “You said girlfriend,”

“What?” you ask in confusion,

“You said you haven’t been the easiest girlfriend,” he responded smirking at you,

“Shut up,” you replied rolling your eyes, and playfully shoving him.

It was going easier than expected, Steve had forgiven you, the whole team welcomed you back. Everything seemed too goo to be true, you had a niggling feeling at the back of your mind that something was about to go horribly wrong and no matter how many times you tried to shake the feeling off, it didn’t go away. it was like an icy hand at the back of your neck.

After the team and you ate lunch, Tony suggested everyone hit the gym for some training. He asked you, Steve, Bruce and Nat to hang back for a second so he could talk to you guys.

You all say around the table, waiting for Tony to let you know what was going on,

“Firstly, welcome back again Y/N” he said, “Secondly, we have a huge problem.” He paused for a moment, “There have been global threats from an enemy named Thanos, we don’t know a lot about this entity but apparently he commands the Chitauri armies that have been attacking us of late.”

Steve picked up, “We don’t know much about why or who this entity is, but we do know there is a planned attacked on New York again, we don’t know from who, but we have a source that gave us this information.”

“Is this a reliable source?” You asked,

Natasha nodded, “Erik Selvig,”

“When are we preparing for this attack?” you ask,

“A fortnight,” Bruce responded, “We have all the necessary teams in place, and have alerted the Joint terrorism task force and the military, they will do what they can, but I don’t think they are prepared for what is coming,” Bruce paused and genuinely shivered, “I have seen it, and this entity is nothing like we have ever faced before.”

There was an ominous silence that fell over the room, the threat that was looming had cast a damper on the day and you knew that this battle was going to be one that not everyone was going to survive.

A couple of hours later, you walked towards your old room. The silence of the compound comforting, the snow-covered grounds outside the compound had made the evening approach faster than usual. You were going to leave and go back to your apartment, but Tony insisted on you staying the night,

“You already have a room here” he argued, “Just stay over!”

You couldn’t argue with him, once he made up his mind it was pretty much set in stone, so once everyone had gone off to sort out things of their own, you made your way to the room to place your belongings.

As the door swung open, memories of this place came flooding back to you. All the happy, sad, angry, lonely moments in this room sort of clung to the air.

You flip on the light switch and look around. It is exactly how you left it, in the corner of the room on folded neatly was your stealth suit, and placed beside it were your favorite weapons. You knew Bucky had put these here, and it made you smile, even after all this time he remembered how you liked things. 

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” A voice says softly behind you, it was Bucky.

You put your bag down, and sighed. “Yeah, can’t decide if I like being back here or not,” you say, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

Bucky walked over and sat beside you, “It’s good to see you again,” he said with a small smile,

You smiled back, the one good thing about coming back here was seeing Bucky again, but all of it just made you sad.

“It’s really bad isn’t it?” you say softly,

Bucky nods, “Everyone’s really shaken up after our last mission, we lost a lot of good men.”

“How is Steve doing?” you ask,

“He still carries the weight of the world on his shoulders,” Bucky said, half chuckling

“That’s our Steve,” you muttered,

Bucky sighed, “This last year has taken a toll on all of us, but Steve more so than the rest. Losing you sent him into a frenzy, today was the first time in a while that I saw him smile even for a brief moment,” he said,

Guilt flashed through you, you were the catalyst for what Steve was going through and you knew it.

“I’m sorry Bucky,” You say quietly, he doesn’t say anything, he just takes you hand in his holding it tightly.

Suddenly it was almost as if he had heard you speaking about him, Steve appeared in the doorway and Bucky let go of your hand hastily,

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” Steve said looking between you and Bucky,

Bucky stood up, “I should get going, I promised Wanda I’d train with her.” He said quickly making his way towards the door,

Steve just nodded,

“Thank you, Buck,” You say,

He looks back at you confused, then you nod towards your suit and he smiled, he knew what you meant, it had always been that unspoken thing between you two.

“Anytime, doll” he replies and walks out.

“What was that about?” Steve asks taking Bucky’s place beside you,

“My suit,” you replied pointing to it,

Steve didn’t understand but he didn’t press the matter further,

“So, settling in?” He said looking around the room,

“Not really, I’m not sure I want to stay at the compound” You said, you knew this would piss Steve off again and were waiting for his reaction but there was none.

Instead he nodded understandingly, “Yeah, I get it, you have a whole other life outside of the compound, guess it’d be hard for me to come back too if I were in your shoes,” he said,

“No, it’s not that, I’d still be a part of the team just, not living here.” You say correcting his thinking.

Steve was quiet for a moment then he took your hand in his, “I missed you,” he said quietly, you shifted closer to him, and placed your head on his shoulder,

“Ditto,” you whispered,

Steve shifted his arms and embraced you, the warmth from his body comforting you on the cold winters day. He held you close to him, and you both embraced each other in silence, relishing the comfort it brought you. Though small as it was it was a colossal relief to both of you.


	18. The night of the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is it seems is coming to an end, Can the Avengers band together once more to save it?
> 
> You return, and its time to save the world again. 
> 
> **MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The series is ending, so i really hope you enjoyed this!

The first week back at the compound you had spent training vigorously with the team, and if you weren’t training you were with Steve and the others playing catch up on the last year you missed out on.

Apparently, Bruce had been in space, Bucky and Steve were in Wakanda fighting some war, Tony and Peter had kick started shield again, Natasha and Bruce were dating, Wanda and vision were apparently an item as well. Sam was still same old fun-loving Sam.

It felt good to be back with the team, you hadn’t gone home once in the time you had been there. One of the evenings you had a quiet moment to yourself in the library, Natasha, Steve, Clint and Bucky had gone off to do a quick recon mission, Tony and Pepper stepped away from the Avenging life for so much needed couples time and Sam, Wanda and Vision had gone out for dinner while you sat reading in silence, you were so lost in your book you hadn’t heard Peter enter the library and take a seat near you.

He was busy doing homework, because well he was still a kid. The compound was always bustling with staff members, and this evening was any different. You liked the library for its solitude and Peter did too.

An hour later, Peter spoke up when he had completed his work, “Hey Y/N,” he said softly,

You didn’t hear him, so he repeated, “Y/N.”

You looked up from you book, “Yes?”

“Your phone’s been buzzing for the last hour, maybe you should check it,” he said, picking up his books and putting them into his backpack.

You frowned and looked over at your phone on the other side of the couch. You set down your book and picked it up, it read seven missed calls from Bucky and ninety-seven messages from Steve, Nat and Bucky.

Your heart began to race as you opened the messages,

‘Answer your phone!’

‘We lost comms,’

‘Where are you?’

‘Where the hell is Sam?!?!?’

‘Natasha’s hit.’

‘We need evac. Bruce needs to prep’

‘Deep Shadow conditions!!’

Your hands began to shake as you read through the messages. Something had gone horribly wrong on the recon mission, you immediately jumped to your feet surprising Peter,

“What’s wrong?!” He exclaimed, you just looked at him in terror and then bolted straight for Bruce’s lab where he was spending the night working on a project. Peter ran after you, shouting your name in fear.

You burst into the lab, startling Bruce,

“B-Bruce,” You gasp, almost falling over the table,

“Y/N, what!? What happened?” He exclaimed, rushing towards you,

“S-steve! Mission. Evac. NOW!” You said still gasping for air, you double over your heart thundering in your chest.

Bruce didn’t need to hear anymore, he immediately got onto the emergency comms line and dialed Tony, informing him that something had gone wrong. Peter was quick behind him to hit the Avenger panic button, which alerted the team that they had a situation.

A few minutes later, you were suiting up and running onto the hangar deck, Bruce and Peter following closely behind you. you boarded the Quinjet and jumped into the pilot seat, over the comms Tony spoke,

“Y/N, Banner, just scout, do not evacuate them without back up. Sam and the rest of the team are on their way. And Keep Parker out of harms way, he is not to leave the jet.” He said giving out orders,

“But Mr. Stark,” Peter began to protest,

But Bruce put a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it lightly shaking his head. And Peter fell silent, you fired up the jet, your mind was a whirl with emotions, and thoughts, your focus was finding them and getting them out of their situation with the least number of casualties at this point.

As soon as you pinpointed their location, you were gunning it there. You hadn’t even landed the jet when you were already unbuckling yourself and grabbing your weapons, you ran off the jet and towards the area of battle. You could hear it was a fire fight and there were Chitauri in the area, you spotted Bucky and Steve nearby, fighting off Chitauri in the abandoned warehouse area.

The cold slipper icy floor made your descent towards Steve and Bucky treacherous, but you didn’t care. You saw Bucky take a hit with one of their weapons and your heart felt like it was going to explode, you run faster. You hear Bruce turn into the Hulk and as expected Peter didn’t stay in the jet instead her was running beside you already attached Chitauri.

That’s when you saw it, Natasha lay on the floor at their feet, a bloodied mess. She was barely awake, but still firing off shots at their opponents, Clint beside her, trying to stop the bleeding coming from her wounds, a panicked look on his face. Steve had blood streaming out of a wound on his head and Bucky was almost swarmed by four Chitauri. 

You immediately dived into battle when you saw the scene before you, taking out the Chitauri that swamed Bucky first,

“Hulk! Get Natasha out of here!” You screamed at him,

When Hulk saw Natasha, he roared loudly, becoming more enraged and he charged for the remaining Chtauri, ripping them to shreds with his hands, Peter rushed forward and helped Bucky, letting him lean on him and he began leading him toward the jet while you ran to Steve,

“Y/N,” he breathed, clearly dazed and tired, he slumped towards you, you immediately catch him,

“I got you, I got you,” you said breathlessly, terror ripping through your body when you see his wounds,

“We have to get out of here!” Bucky yelled at you, “There’s a cosmic bomb!”

You nod at him, and began leading injured Steve to the quinjet, while Hulk Picked up Natasha gently and hurried towards the jet, Clint following close behind.

As soon as you were all on board, Hulk turned back into Bruce and immediately got to work in Natasha’s wounds, she was losing blood fast, you looked back at her and your heart stopped. Her wounds looked fatal.

Steve was laying on one of the cots, while Bucky was attempting to cull the bleeding from the wounds on his leg and side. Bucky himself was bleeding but not too badly, Peter was trying to help Bucky but he was just getting in the way.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y,” You said, “Take the wheel, please,”

“Certainly, Miss Y/L/N, I have informed Mr Stark of our departure and he will be awaiting our arrival with a medical team back at the compound.” Said the A.I

You stepped away from the controls and went over to Bruce, who was feverishly trying stitch a wound on Natasha’s side, he was panicking, and you could see it. Tears in his eyes, and sweat on his brow Bruce’s hands shook as he tried to threat the needle again. Clint was beside him, holding Natasha’s hand keeping her awake.

“Bruce,” you said softly, placing your hands over his, “let me,”

He looked up at you, despair in his eyes. He was trying to keep it together, but you could see him falling apart. You grabbed the needle and the threat and immediately got to work trying to cull the wound, or at least stop the bleeding. Eventually you just grabbed as many bandages as you could and wrapped the wound. Natasha had lost so much blood and her pulse was weakening by the minute, she needed a proper surgical team.

“Bruce, stay with her, and keep her awake.” You said to him,

He nodded and grabbed Natasha’s hand and began whispering to her, trying to keep her awake.

You quickly went over to Steve and Bucky, Bucky was using a staple gun to close the massive gash in Steve’s side, and Peter was wrapping up the wound on his head.

“You’re going to be okay,” you murmured getting down beside him, grasping his hand firmly, “Don’t die on me Steve Rogers, not now!”

Steve smiled weakly at you, his face pale from the blood loss. “It’s going to take more than that to get rid of me,” He replied hoarsely,

The fact that he smiled, made your fear dissipate by a fraction but the terror that gripped your heart as you watched Bucky try and stitch him up felt like an icy hand around your heart. 

The moment the jet hit the hangar floor, the rest of the team and the medics were rushing up to it. Tony was the first one to board, and help Natasha onto a gurney, instructing the medics to take her to the OR immediately.

They rushed off with her, Steve was next being taken away, you and Bruce immediately went after them, but Tony stopped both of you,

“No,” he said,

“What do you mean no?” Bruce snapped trying to push passed him,

“Bruce, you are not going to be any help in there, let the doctors work. You too Y/N.” Tony said, Clint nodded in agreement,

“You don’t need to see them like that,” he murmured,

“Tony, please, I need to be with her” Bruce begged,

You looked at Tony, the helpless look in his eyes told you exactly what was happening. As much as you wanted to be with Steve right now, and you were panicking you needed to be level headed in this instance. All of you had to keep Bruce calm,

“Bruce,” you said softly placing an arm around his waist, “Let’s go sit down, we can wait for them to come out of the OR together.”

This seemed to calm Bruce down, he nodded and let you follow him to the infirmary wing. The two of you sat in silence, every few minutes you were attempting to keep Bruce calm. The last thing this compound needed was an angry scared Hulk rampaging through while they tried to save Natasha and Steve’s lives.

Suddenly Doctor Cho came bustling out of the OR, taking off her bloodied gloves and mask. You and Bruce immediately jumped to your feet when you saw her, the rest of the team were nearby, and all came rushing forward as well.

You took one look at Helen Cho’s face and your heart dropped, there were tears in her eyes when she looked at you. you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe, and you were silently praying so hard that it was not Steve, as horrible as it sounded.

“I am so sorry,” she said almost inaudibly, “We did everything we could,”

Bruce looked at you, almost hopeful it was not Natasha.

But you knew, you knew in your heart it was Natasha, Helen Cho was looking at you to tell you to prepare him for the moment she gave him the news, that Natasha Romanoff had not survived her injuries.

Tony immediately nodded to the team to evacuate the infirmary when Helen sat Bruce down, the look on his face was indecipherable.

“Bruce…” You said quietly, your heart thundering in your chest, you were expecting him to hulk out at any moment now, “Look at me…”

He looked up at you, anger evident in his eyes, and you knew what was about to happen. The irises in his eyes shifting, the color of his skin turning green.

You turned to Helen and Tony, “Run!” you whispered terrified, not for yourself but for Steve who lay on an operating table behind the doors, still clinging to life.

Clint and Tony immediately suited up, they knew this was going to end in catastrophe. Behind them Wanda, Vision and Sam were all preparing for the inevitable fight with Bruce.

The second Bruce turned into the Hulk, Bucky was racing towards you, his eyes wide with fear.

“Y/N! Run!” he screamed at you, as Hulk angrily smashed against the walls and flung chairs around, you were ducking and diving out the way of the debris and objects flying at you.

“We have to draw him away from Steve!” you shouted at Bucky, narrowly missing being hit with a chair,

Bucky just nodded and took out his gun, firing it at Hulk. Emptying the clip.

The Hulk paused, then turned to Bucky, the rage evident on his face, even more so now then he charged at him. Bucky scrambled away, just barely escaping with his life but he had managed to draw Bruce away from the Infirmary wing, He was now running rampant through the compound, smashing everything in his path. The team trying to stay out of his way in the process,

Over the comms you hear Tony say he is getting veronica out, and that you should meet I’m outside, as that’s where Hulk was heading.

You sprint after Bucky who was already halfway across the building, and skid across the grass. Hulk and Veronica are battling it out over the compound ground, Vision and Wanda in the battle too.

You move towards the fight, and Hulk sees you then charges at you but Tony punches him in the face with Veronica. Dazing him, while he is on the floor you suddenly had an idea,

“Tony, I have an idea, everyone stops fighting him.” You say over the comms,

The team stops attacking Hulk and this confuses him,

“Hey big guy,” You say softly, walking towards him slowly,

He looks at you still enraged,

“Sun’s getting real low,” you said gently extending your hand towards him,

Hulk looks at it and then at you, and amazingly he reached for your hand and placed his colossal hand in yours, and you performed the lullaby that Natasha always did to bring Bruce back.

The transformation began to happen as soon as you let go of his hand, Hulk turned back into Bruce. Crumpling on the floor, gasping. Bruce had tears in his eyes when he looked at you, your heart broke when you saw the look in his eyes, and you rushed towards him hugging him tightly.

The team gathered around him, a somber mood fell over the air. It was the first time since joining the Avengers that you had lost a teammate and the shock and loss hadn’t hit you yet. Bruce was silent as Tony led him back into the compound, wrapped in a blanket. The rest of the team trailed behind, exhausted, emotional and sore. This day which had started out, so hopeful had gone so terribly wrong.

As you entered the compound, Bucky fell into step beside you.

“Steve,” was all he said, before you both took of running to the infirmary.

When you entered the now wrecked infirmary waiting room, you see the nurses who were operating on Steve all standing around looking entirely exhaisted, you walk up to them,

“Where is he?” You asked, one of them pointed to a room on your left with the door closed,

“He is in there,”

“Is he okay?” Bucky asked,

She nodded, “He is stable for now, but with his rapid healing he should be back to full health in no time, he was very lucky, his wounds missed two of his arteries by millimeters.”

You sighed in relief and went to the room, Steve was laid up in the bed, tubes and monitors hooked up to his body. The steady beeping of the heartrate monitor was the only sign that he was alive, he had stitches, bruises and bandages all over his hands, face and torso.

You felt like you couldn’t breath when you looked at him in this state, your mind flashed back to the state Natasha was in and your legs buckled, and your knees hit the ground as an uncontrollable flood of tears came rushing forward.

Bucky was at your side immediately, pulling you into an embrace, and holding you as you cried. His face an unreadable mask, showing no emotion just as he was trained to do.

A few days later.

The sky was cloudy, rain threatening to fall. you stood in the living room, staring out the window, at the acres of lush green grounds before you. The team had just returned from Natasha’s funeral, Clint was at the bar in somber silence, pouring himself yet another drink. Bruce had locked himself in the lab busying himself with a project no one knew about, Tony, Peter and Rhodey sat on the couches quietly talking between themselves, and Wanda, vision and the various former members of shield and other organizations were around the massive living room, murmuring amongst themselves, during the wake.

Bucky stood beside you, in comforting silence, Steve hadn’t woken up yet and the threat of the Chitauri was growing more and more across the country. Tony had insisted that they take the day off, he said everyone needed a moment to breathe and mourn their fallen comrade.

You had stayed in Steve’s room for the last 3 days, not leaving his side, and every time the doctors checked up on him you were a little hopeful that something was different, but nothing was. You had only left to go to the funeral and attend the wake.

“I’m going to check on him,” you said quietly to Bucky beside you,

He nodded understandingly, “I’ll come with you,”

“No, stay. I won’t be long” you said, giving him a reassuring smile,

Bucky just sighed and nodded his head once more than turned back to gaze out the window forlornly.

___________________________________

You sat beside Steve’s bed, holding his hand. You couldn’t cry anymore, the tears just refused to fall.

“Hey Steve,” You said softly, brushing his soft blonde hair off his forehead, “It was Nat’s funeral today, It was a beautiful ceremony, she would have hated it.” You laugh softly at the thought of Natasha sneering at all of you dressed in black and mocking the purity of the funeral.

“Everyone’s a little lost without you Stevie,” your voice broke a little, “We need you…I need you…”,

You looked up at his beautiful face, the icy grip still lingering around your heart every time you saw him in this state.

“I don’t think I can handle losing both Nat and you, so I’m going to need you to pull through this buddy” you whispered to him,

He was motionless, the steady rise and fall of his chest was the only indication that he was still with you. Sighing deeply, you lay your head on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling very exhausted. The events of the last week had been tumultuous, you were physically, emotionally and mentally drained at this point. A small part of you wished you hadn’t come back but you shoved those feelings aside because you knew if you hadn’t come back, you would have been attending 3 funerals today not just one.

You didn’t know how long you sat in the room with Steve, because you eventually fell asleep. It was a soft hand that was running their fingers through your hair that woke you, you opened your eyes lazily and turned your head towards whoever it was.

It was Bucky, he was sitting beside you, staring intently at the wall in front of him, deep in thought, gently running his fingers through your hair.

“Hey you,” he said quietly when he saw you were awake, taking his hand away from your hair.

“Hey,”

“How are you doing?” He asked, it was a silly question, but Bucky had been hard-pressed to make sure you were okay, he was constantly around you since Steve was in the infirmary. Making sure you were eating enough, sleeping enough, getting in some physical activity.

“As well as any of us could be in this situation, I guess.” You mumbled, sighing again and running your hand tiredly across your face, you looked at yourself in the mirror across the room, your appearance was a mess. You had dark circles under your eyes, and your face look sallow and tired.

Bucky placed a comforting hand on your back and rubbed is gently, “Have you eaten today?” He asked,

You shook your head; your stomach was in too much of a knot for you to even think about food.

“You should eat something,” he prompted, “I’ll go get you something,” he stands up,

“No, just stay a while longer, we can go eat later.” You said, tugging his arm back into the seat beside you,

“It would just be easier if we went now, Y/N” Bucky replied, he needed to get out of this room, seeing Steve in this state was suffocating him and he felt helpless. 

“Why?” you say confused, standing up with him

Bucky sighed annoyed, “Because I said so.” He almost snapped at you,

“Ok, what is your problem?” you snapped back,

“Can you two try not to kill each other for all of 2 seconds please.” Steve’s hoarse voice echoed in the room,

Both you and Bucky whirled around to face him in shock. He was awake, sluggishly looking at the two of you, with an agonized look on his face.

“Oh Steve!” You cried and practically launched yourself at him, tears streaming down your face now.

He groaned in pain as you hugged his body tightly, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” You said through tears peppering his face with kisses,

“Y/N,” he groaned, “You’re going to open my stitches,”

“Oh, shit sorry,” you realize and step back immediately.

Bucky was beside you with a big grin on his face, “Thought we lost you there for moment, pal.” He said,

Steve smiled weakly up at the two of you, ‘Like I said, it’s going to take more than that to get rid of me.”

Before you could say anything, Tony, Sam, Clint, and the rest of the team came barreling into the room. F.R.I.D.A.Y had obviously alerted them that Steve was awake.

There were lots of happy tears going around, the mood had somewhat lightened, Peter made a few silly comments about Steve’s new scars and Tony even smile for a moment until Steve looked around the room at everyone in confusion,

“Where is Natasha?” He asked.

The room fell silent, and everyone exchanged sad looks. Suddenly it clicked with Steve and his heartrate monitor spiked, beeping loudly as his heartrate accelerated.

“No,” he whispered in horror, “No, no no no no!”

“Steve, I’m sorry, we did everything we could,” Tony said softly, eyes shining with tears,

“Calm down Pal,” Bucky urged, becoming unsettled by the rate his heart was beating,

“NO!” Steve yelled, he forced himself to sit up, grimacing with pain. He looked around the room, and was quiet for a moment, tears in his eyes.

“Get out.” He snarled at the team, and everyone looked confused at Steve’s sudden anger, “I said get out!” he roared, and Tony nodded for everyone to exit the room. The team exited the room with no questions asked, but Tony held you back,

“Stay with him, he needs to mourn.” He said then walked out with the rest of them, shutting the door behind him.

You turn around and look at Steve, and all you see is a broken man…


	19. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Infinity war has begun...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah one finaly chapter, This was one of my favorites to write!

A few days later, Steve had mostly recovered, and the compound was still getting used to Natasha not being there. Bruce was still not speaking or eating, no matter how hard Tony tried to bring him out of his despair, he just kept muttering something about this being Betty all over again.

Life tried to go on as normal, but nothing was normal anymore. Everyone walked on eggs shells around each other, unsure of how the other would react to certain things done or said. The only two that remained consistent were Bucky and Sam who were relentless in keeping the team together and uplifted.

You sat in Steve’s room on the bed, watching him remove the last bandages from his torso, revealing his deep scars across his torso.

“Does it hurt?” You ask,

Steve twisted his torso from side to side, “No, not all actually.”

“Didn’t think you would scar,” you said, getting up and going over to him to examine the scars,

“They will disappear in time, it’s just still a little fresh is all,” he replied,

Steve faced the mirror, and examined himself for a moment. You wrapped your arms around his waist hugging him tightly,

“I am really glad you’re alive Steve,” you mumbled into his chest

He embraced you back, kissing the top of your head. “I’m glad to be alive, although I am a little concerned that it took me almost dying for you to finally say you love me” he chuckled,

You looked up at him in earnest, “I love you Steven Grant Rogers, I really do”

Steve smiled at you and brushed his lips against yours, “And I love you, sweetheart.” He said his lips against yours. When he pulled away you could see the sadness in his eyes, you knew he was still hurting from losing Natasha, they had a special bond and it had left a gaping hole inside of him. Like he was missing a limb.

Losing Natasha had brought out a different side in everyone. You all had become more intent on protecting each other and making sure the other was fine, in a way it had brought the team closer and tore it apart at the same time.

That evening, you sat on a comfy couch in the library, staring aimlessly at a book in front of you. you were barely registering ant of the words; your mind was elsewhere. Steve lay beside you, his head on your lap, you were mindlessly running your fingers through his soft blonde hair.

Across from you, Bucky and Sam sat at one of the desks quietly arguing over some encyclopedia book they had found, they were supposed to be researching for the mission but had gotten side tracked.

Everything was silent across the compound, it was barely past 10 in the evening, the cold winter’s air had made everyone retreat to their rooms for warmth and silence, when you suddenly heard a blood curdling scream echo throughout the compound.

All four of you without hesitation were on your feet, sprinting towards the scream,

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” You called to the A.I as you ran in the direction of the scream,

“It appears Miss Maximoff is having a nightmare,” she replied, “Counter measures have been taken to protect the members of the facility, should this event occur. I would not advise entering the room at this moment.”

You ignored the warning and ran faster to her room. You tried opening the door, but it was locked, suddenly Vision was at your side, disappearing through the wall.

Bucky was beside you, “Step aside,” he growled as he readied himself to break down the door.

The door splintered as Bucky shoved his massive metal shoulder against it, you rushed in when he stepped aside and immediately regretted it as you were enveloped by Wanda’s powers. You fell to the ground blacking out.

‘Darkness surrounded you, it was not the normal kind of darkness. It was the kind that entered your soul and surrounded your mind and shoved you into a pit of despair. You look down at your hands, covered in blood and debris. There was a shouting in the distance, was it your name? you couldn’t tell. Suddenly you saw Steve, his lifeless body before you, and more and more things came into focus. The avengers lay before you, bloodied, and lifeless. Was this your vision again?

Suddenly beside you Bucky appeared, anger on his face but terror in his eyes, his was shouting at you but you couldn’t hear him. You looked around confused. There were people you didn’t know, a woman with green skin, a tree looking creature, and Thor.

Thor! You tried to shout at him, but he wasn’t acknowledging you, he was holding a body in his arms. Wanda’s, her dull lifeless eyes gazing directly at you.

Then you felt it, the feeling at the back of your neck again. That cold icy grip that kept haunting you. and you knew what had come…’

Your body jolted awake, gasping for air, choking and crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you sobbed, “It’s coming, and I didn’t stop it, I’m sorry.”

Concerned faces all around you peering down at you. Steve was holding you close to him, Bucky by his side with a worried look on his face.

“Its okay, its okay.” Steve repeated holding you close, whispering into your hair.

“Let’s get her out of here,” Tony ordered a panicked look in his eyes, everyone stepped back as Steve stood up scooping you into his arms and carried you out of the room, wordlessly.

“W-wanda,” you gasped,

“She’s fine Y/N,” Tony replied calmly, “She was just having a nightmare,”

“You shouldn’t have gone into the room.” Vision said appearing beside Steve as he carried you to your room.

You didn’t say anything, you just placed your head in the crook of Steve’s neck and shivered at the vision you had.

Once in the room, Tony took a seat beside the bed and Steve stood nearby protectively, “What did you see Y/N?” Tony asked gently,

You just looked at them, pulling your knees up to your chest. Still shaking from the shock of wanda’s powers, it felt like there was electricity coursing through your body.

“You don’t have to tell us, but we need to know.” Tony urged again,

You were silent, Steve came and sat beside you, putting his muscular arm around your shoulders,

“Sweetheart, do you want to be alone?” Steve asked you softly, brushing your hair out of your face.

You nod your head and Tony didn’t press the issue. He sighed deeply, and stood up. “I should go check on Wanda as well, Y/N, do you want a sedative?” he said,

You couldn’t form words, you just shook your head and squeezed your eyes shut as a new wave of emotions hit you. tears threatening to fall again.

Tony looked at Steve and then left the room without another word.

Steve sat in silence beside you, knowing nothing he could say in this moment would help and you were grateful to him for it. Whatever Wanda had shown you be it a reality or a fantasy vision, it had still shaken you to your core.

Among the silence there was a sudden commotion, you hear shouts and then footfalls coming towards your bedroom, the door was suddenly flung open and Wanda stood in the doorway, eyes wide with fear, red and puffy from crying. Her red hair a tangled mess around her face, she looked at you and then covered her mouth trying to hold back her tears,

Steve immediately rushed over to her, “Wanda, what is it?” he said anxiously,

She looked up at Steve, tears falling onto her pale face, “I am so sorry Steve,” she said through tears,

“Whoa Shhh, Shhh its okay Wanda” He soothed her, hugging her.

“No, you don’t understand, I showed her, I didn’t mean to. I was dreaming, and she entered unknowingly. I am so sorry” Wanda insisted,

A confused look came over his face, and he looked at Wanda and then at you.

“You didn’t mean to show her what?” He asked,

Wanda looked at you and you slightly shook your head, asking her not to tell Steve what you saw.

She froze and then looked back at Steve, “I-I think I should lay down,” she said quickly, then pulled away from him and walked back out.

Bucky, Sam and Tony stood just outside the room all of them looking baffled at what had just happened. Steve just shrugged and then said goodnight to them before shutting the door.

___________________________________________

You jolt awake, covered in perspiration. Your heart hammering in your chest, almost screaming in fear. You aren’t sure what’s real or not and fling yourself from the bed landing on all fours like a cat.

Steve is immediately awake practically tumbling out of the bed to get to your side,

“Hey, Hey, Y/N!” He exclaims, grabbing your face in his hands, “It’s okay, look at me! You’re fine.”

You froze for a moment, looking at him and finally calming down. You slump down onto the floor, breathing heavily almost in tears, “S-steve,” you whisper breathlessly, you were saying his name more so to ground yourself to reality that everything was okay, and it was just a dream.

“I’m here,” he murmured pulling you into a tight embrace and kissing the top of your head, you gripped onto him tightly like he was your lifeline, which in this moment he was. Steve sat with you in the floor just holding you for over an hour, comforting you as best he could, before you eventually drifted into calm sleep in his arms. He carried you to the bed and lay beside you, not falling sleep once but instead watching over you.

The next morning, dark grey clouds hung low over the sky. Snow threatening to fall once more as soft icy layers of sleet fell across the compound grounds. You sat in the kitchen with a mug of hot coffee in your hands, it was barely past seven in the morning and everyone was still asleep, or so you had assumed so.

You were deep in thought, so deep that you hadn’t seen Bruce enter the kitchen and start pouring himself a cup of coffee. It was only when he placed his mug beside you and took a seat when you jerked out of thought and looked up,

“Bruce…” You said, trying not to look shocked,

“Hey Y/N,” he mumbled tiredly rubbing his hand over his face,

You looked him over, his dark hair was matted and messy, and his face and eyes looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. “When was the last time you slept?” You ask him,

Bruce just snorted and took a sip of his coffee. “You need to rest Bruce,” you said quietly, placing a hand on his shoulder

“I know, and I will, when this is all over” he replied, his voice was hoarse and tired like he could pass out at any moment.

“You won’t be any good to us tired,” You said,

“I am never any good for anyone,” he replied coldly, looking at you with tired eyes, the sadness was immense.

“That’s not true Bruce,” you started but he cut you off with a wave of his hand,

“I don’t really want to hear in Y/N,” he said harshly, “I just came here for some coffee and silence, can you give me that!”

You sighed but left it alone, the two of you sat in silence drinking coffee but you knew that Bruce needed the comfort of being around someone. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, finally he sighed and said almost inaudibly,

“I miss her…”

You almost burst into tears when he said that, but you held them back knowing it wouldn’t help anyone of you if you started bawling your eyes out in this moment.

“So do I buddy,” you replied softly, not daring to look at him because you knew you would start crying if you did.

Bruce sighed again and then stood up, “I’m going to be in the lab, if anyone needs anything.” Then he walked out without waiting for you to respond.

The whole team had been irrevocably changed by what had happened with Wanda and Steve, grief clung to all of them like a winter chill in the air, and It wasn’t going away anytime soon. Not until Natasha was avenged.

Just then, Bucky walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Morning,” he mutters when he sees you then begins to make himself coffee as well, he was followed by Sam and Clint who barely said two words, they just made breakfast and sat down at the island counter.

Wanda walked in next with Vision, they both smiled at you, greeting you.

You just nod in acknowledgement and continue to sip on your coffee, you were beginning to feel a little stifled in the compound with everyone now waking up and decided you needed to get out. You quietly excuse yourself and place your empty mug in the sink before exiting the now busy kitchen.

Fifteen minutes later, you were dressed in workout attire and pulling on your parka. Heading out for a jog around the compound, even though the weather was icy, the cold air on your skin felt refreshing, hoping it would take your mind of the vision that kept playing in your head every time there was silence.

An hour later, you were sweaty and breathing heavily as you returned to the compound. You had run more than 10 miles and practically exhausted yourself, but it felt good to be out in the crisp morning air, to clear your head even if it were only for a moment. A quick hot shower and a change of clothes, and you joined the team in the conference room where they had all gathered, to your surprise, T’Challa was there.

“T’Challa!” you exclaim, pouncing on him hugging him tightly, you had always been fond of T’Challa he had been pivotal in your rehab and was also responsible for giving you prosthetics.

“Hello Y/N,” he said smiling and returning your affection,

“When did you arrive? Why are you here? Is everything okay?” you fire question after question,

“Have a seat, I will explain everything in just a moment,” T’Challa said motioning towards the chairs,

You take a seat between Sam and Steve, and look around the table. Everyone wore somber expressions, and you immediately knew something was wrong.

Tony stepped forward followed by a man you had never met before but had only heard story’s of,

“Team, this is Doctor Steven Strange.” He said,

The tall dark-haired man stepped forward and raised a hand in greeting to everyone, “He is here because we have a serious problem which we are aware of,” Tony continued, “The entity that has been sending the chitauri, his name is Thanos, also known as the Mad Titan,”

T’Challa interjected, “And he is sending an army to Wakanda, an army like we have never seen before”

Everyone was silent for a moment; this war had been coming for years and now it had finally arrived at their doorstep and none of you knew if you were entirely ready for it.

“What are we going to do?” You asked,

“We go to Wakanda,” Steve said,

“And we fight.” Bucky added.

__________________________________________________

A day later

Steve, Bucky, Bruce, T’Challa and yourself sat aboard T’Challa’s jet, flying high across the Atlantic Ocean. You felt Natasha’s missing presence sorely, the seat opposite yours was empty, it was like the team had designated it to her memory. Bruce sat beside the empty seat, gazing listlessly at the floor, beside you sat Steve and Bucky talking softly to each other. 

Steve suddenly shifted closer to you, and took your hand in his, he was still talking to Bucky as he did so. It was a small comfort to both of you, the nearness of each other. You knew you were going into a battle some of you weren’t going to walk away from, and losing Natasha had already set the team on this path.

“What’s on your mind?” Steve asked softly, bringing you out of your deep thoughts.

You looked into his dazzling blue eyes, “All of this…I can’t help but feel it has been years in the making and we were all just pawns in this grand scheme,” you said to him, ‘

Steve nodded in agreement, “Well whatever it, we will face it together, like we always have.” He replied,

“And if we can’t and we lose?”

“Then we will do that together as well,” Steve said, in a very captain America-esque way then leaned closer to you and kissed your forehead.

You remained silent for the rest of the trip, the foreboding feeling looming over you growing with each passing minute.

It was dusk when the jet arrived in the beautiful city of Wakanda, as soon as you were off the hangar T’Challa led the four of you to your respective rooms advising you all rest before any battle begins. Steve and Bucky seemed to already know their way around, as they had been here before. You marveled at the sheer beauty and size of Wakanda and how ahead they were with their technology.

“This is your room, Y/N, I assumed you and Captain Rogers would share a room?” T’Challa said stopping in front of the room door, the double wooden doors were expertly carved with various Wakandan symbols.

“You assume correctly,” You smile, he chuckles and then took his leave. Leaving you and Steve alone in the room,

“This place is stunning,” you said tossing your bags onto to colossal king-sized bed,

“It really is something else,” he agreed, walking over to the balcony where you stood.

“Nothing is going to be the same after this,” you murmur to him, drawing him closer to you,

“Nothing was ever going to be the same after Nat,” was his quiet reply, Steve gazed out at the vast forest before the both of you, sadness in his eyes.

You were both quiet for a short moment, before you turned to face him.

“If this is to be our last moment together, there is nothing I want more than you,” you say, brushing your lips against his.

It was as if he was thinking the same thing, as he leaned into the kiss, and wrapped his muscular arms around your waist lifting you off the ground a little. It was neither the time or the place to make love but none of that mattered in this moment, Steve swept you off your feet and the two of you tumbled onto the bed wanting nothing but the closeness and intimacy love making brought to the two of you as you fell into rhythmic ecstatic coitus.

It was the early hours of Dawn when you had awoken suddenly, there was a feeling looming over you. gnawing at your gut. It was like a feeling warning you that something tragic was about to happen.

“Steve,” you whispered gently shaking him,

“Hmm..” he mumbled, opening one eye tiredly.

“Something’s wrong,” You say, getting out of bed and pulling on his t-shirt to cover your nakedness,

Steve immediately sat up and looked around, alert. “What’s going on?” he asked, in his authoritative voice.

“I don’t know, but we should probably get suited up,” you replied, going towards to bathroom to shower and get dressed. whatever this feeling was, it was certainly one you had learned not to ignore.

A few minutes later, both you and Steve had showered and dressed in your suits, as you open the door Bucky stood outside his fist raised as if he were about to knock on it. Bucky was suited up as well, guns and knives strapped all over his person, beside him stood Bruce nervously shifting from one foot to the other rubbing his hands together and T’challa in his Black Panther suit with at least a dozen of his soldiers walking towards them.

“It has begun,” was all Bucky said.


	20. The End...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is here, Who will survive the Infinity War?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here, I hope you enjoyed this because I loved writing it!

T’Challa stood on the balcony over looking the vast plain before him, you all were awaiting his orders. There was a giant metal ring in the sky, ominously spinning in silence. The dawn sky, streaked with red and orange had brought the battle you all had been preparing for.

You shifted nervously in your seat, as you all waited in silence for T’challa. Beside you Steve sat with a pained expression n his face, you could tell he was just as anxious as you were, Bucky leaned against the wall beside him stood Bruce, with unreadable expressions.

T’Challa turned to his sister Shuri, “Evacuate the city, engage all defenses,” then he turned to Steve, “And get this man a shield,”.

With that everyone stood up to prepare for the impending battle.

“What’s the plan, T’challa?” You asked him, falling into step beside him,

“We must engage this hostile army head on, unless we falter, we don’t retreat.” He replied

“We can station different troops all around the city, but if we fail to keep them contained in one specific area, it could prove to be fatal.” Said Steve beside you,

“The plains are the safest area of combat for everyone, its open and vast enough to contain the fighting,” stated Shuri,

“If we must retreat, we fall back to the citadel, its got the strongest defenses, we have to make sure every Wakandan is out of this city before then.” T’Challa said,

“We don’t split up unless necessary, each of us take a flank when the battle begins, if you see anyone fall you alert the rest of us and we will aid whoever it is.” Steve said, then handed out an ear piece to each of you,

“Bruce, you fight to the left of myself, Y/N and T’Challa,” he ordered, “Rhodey is coming in as well, he will fight alongside Shuri to the right,” then he turned to Bucky, “Buck, You will flag any monster that steps within a 20 ft radius of any of us, you have the best eye with a rifle and we are going to need it.”

Bucky nodded, knowing Steve meant keep Y/N safe at all costs. “Again, I repeat, the moment anyone falls, you engage the evacuate signal and we move out. Do you understand?” Steve repeated,

“You are all risking your lives here,” T’Challa said, “And I thank you for that, I hope to make it out of this with every one of you so that we may celebrate a victory together.”

A somber nod from everyone, as you all looked at each other. you had a gut feeling that you were going to be losing someone again, it was just this inevitable fate that none of you could escape.

“Alright, now that everyone knows the plans, lets go get geared up for whatever is coming,” Bucky said.

You all split up, going in different directions for different weapons. Steve Bucky, Bruce and yourself made your way to the armory in search of some stronger weapons, knowing you would need them.

Once in the armory, you took a seat on one of the benches and began loading the clips to the guns you had chosen. It was a methodical task but it sort of calmed you down as you did it,

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice interrupting your process,

You looked up at him, in his all black battle Kevlar, he looked formidable. “Hey Buck,” you respond giving him a smile,

He took a seat beside you on the bench and picked up one of the clips and began loading it for you, “So, how are you feeling about all this?” he asked softly,

“it’s all really surreal,” you say, placing a fully loaded clip down and taking another one,

“Yeah, I never thought nearly a century later I would be gearing up to fight a space war,” Bucky chuckled,

“Yea, we’re on the same page there, buddy,” you chuckle with him,

“Y/N,” he said, suddenly serious

“Yeah?”

“I just…” he paused, scratching the back of his neck nervously “I need you to know that…I”

“I know Bucky,” you cut him off, placing a hand on his cheek affectionately, “Me too,”

He seemed grateful for your affection and he sighed deeply closing his eyes and leaning into your touch, “Whatever happens today, you take care of Steve okay?” he said quietly,

You nodded, as much as you didn’t want to think about losing Bucky today, there was almost an assured feeling that one of you was not going to make it out of this alive. “Same goes for you, if anything happens to me, don’t let him lose himself Bucky.” You replied just as quietly, dropping your hand away from his face and picking up another gun clip then yourself and Bucky worked in silence loading as many clips as you could carry.

Once you had all geared up you made your way to the plains where you met up with T’Challa and his warriors, the anxiety had kicked in the moment you saw the thousands of Wakanda’s forming their battle groups. You looked out at horizon the sun now high up in the morning sky, warming up the morning air.

Steve walked up beside you, geared in a black suit. He looked down at you, and gave you a warm smile. “I really wish you weren’t going to walk onto this battlefield with me,” he said sighing,

“I have to Steve, I can’t walk away now when everyone needs our help the most,” you reply,

“I know, I still wish I could protect you more than anything from what is about to happen.” He said moving closer to you, so that you were facing each other.

You place your hands on the side of this face, “Stop worrying Steve, we are both going to make it out of this okay,” you say kissing him softly on the lips,

His mouth lingers on yours for a few seconds before he pulls you into a tight embrace, placing his head in the crook of your neck, “I love you, Y/N” he whispered,

“I love you too Steve,” you reply, embracing him just as tightly,

Bruce suddenly stepped up to where the two of you stood and cleared his throat, “Sorry to interrupt guys, but I think something is happening with that giant portal,” he said pointing to the giant ring across the horizon, 

It shimmered and spun faster and the sky around it rippled and turned a shade of purple and then it begun. The alien beings began streaming out of the rip in the sky, running across the plains towards where you all stood, snarling, snapping and bellowing their maws as they did.

Your heart was thundering in your chest, the ferocity of these creatures chilled you to the bone. They large dark bodies and four arms looked hulking and brutal, and their sharp canines made you wary as they approached.

“Prepare for battle,” Yelled T’Challa, putting his Black Panther mask on,

Steve rolled his shoulders and bounced between feet readying himself, you hear Bruce hulk out and Beside you Bucky click the safety off his guns. You readied yourself, and drew your gun, you knew it was going to be a more hand-to-hand combat in this fight than anything else but having a gun wouldn’t hurt.

The alien titled an Outrider slammed its massive maw into your chest, sending you sprawling across the ground. You immediately get back up, and prepare yourself for another attack, trying to reload your gun as quickly as possible. Beside you Bucky fired off multiple rounds, dropping at least half a dozen of the creatures. When these creatures came through the wormhole from outer space, none of you were prepared for the vast hordes that came pouring through, you all had been fighting for most of the morning without rest, you were battered and bruised but kept going. This fight wasn’t ending any time soon.

You fired off a couple of rounds from the semiautomatic you held, and dropped it jumping at the nearest outrider with your blades brandished, slicing through its jugular. Blood sprayed everywhere, it felt as if every time you killed one, two more took its place.

Suddenly out of nowhere a massive clawed hand struck you on the side of your head, with dizzying speed. You flew across the plain and hit the hard ground with sonic force, you groaned loudly as you felt warm blood dripping down the side of y or face and into your vision.

You hear Bucky scream you name and then came charging towards the alien horde around you. Your head spinning as you try to stand up, Bucky is suddenly beside you, practically dragging out away from the battlefield, yelling Steve’s name. You were stumbling after him, trying to fight off as many of the outriders as you could, but Bucky, Steve and T’challa had now formed a semi-circle around you keeping them away from you.

“Buck, get her back to the citadel, NOW!” Yelled Steve,

Bucky nodded and grabbed you hand, leading you away from the fight with Steve and other Wakandan warriors protecting the both of you as you did so.

“We’re almost there,” Said Bucky, you were blindly following him, the blood pouring out of the wound on your head, you needed to stitch the wound up as quickly as possible for it to heal.

As soon as you reached the citadel, you were met by Shuri who ushered you and Bucky into the infirmary and she and her team immediately got to work on your wounds, once they were stitched up they had bandaged you up, and injected you with a healing serum, you grabbed your weapons and began to head for the exit.

“We have to get back out there,” you said to Bucky,

He shook his head, “You need to heal first,” he replied

“Bucky, this is a war, I am not going to sit around like a damn child. We are going back out there.” You spat,

“Y/N, please be reasonable.” He said, grabbing your arm, “You have to be safe,”

“Bucky, shut the fuck up, I am going back out there with or without you.” you snarled at him, shrugging him off.

“You are hurt Y/N, please.” Bucky begged,

You turned around swiftly and shoved him in the chest, Bucky stumbled back, surprised.

“I don’t care Bucky, people I love are going to die I can’t do nothing.” You said quietly

And with that you, ran out the exit and back into the thick of the battle, Bucky following closely behind you. 

“We have to close that portal!” you hear Steve yell, you race towards him and see that he had a wound on his side, it isn’t bleeding too much but it could prove fatal if not tended to.

You grabbed one of the healing serum syringes Shuri had given you and rushed to his side, “Steve,” you breathed,

He turned quickly to you, fear flashing in his eyes when he saw your guazes, “Y/N, what are you doing here, get back to the citadel!” he exclaimed,

“Shut up,” you retorted then jabbed him with the injection, injecting the serum into his body,

Steve looked at Bucky, clearly annoyed,

Bucky was beside you, “She wouldn’t listen,” he said apologetically,

“I’m not a fucking child Steve, I will survive few cuts,” you snapped at him

Suddenly T’Challa came barreling towards where the three of you stood, “We have to retreat to the Citadel,” he said breathlessly, “NOW!”

You looked beyond him, and your heart stopped, more Outriders were pouring through the portal but that wasn’t what made you freeze up in fear it was the alien being that stepped out after them.

She was a vision of terror, a lithe body clad in a skin tight black suit, a golden metal arm on her left side, atop her head sat two black horns. You could see her blue hair billowing behind her and she wore a sinister smile on her face that never reached her white eyes. in her hand she held a golden scepter, and she seemed to look directly at you and smile, a sinister grin.

“Steve…” you whispered in horror, looking at the alien being as she slaughtered Wakandan’s around her with swift ease,

Steve turned around to see what had struck you with horror, “I assume that is the leader,” he said quietly, “Come, we have to get out of here.” He insisted, pulling you with him.

But before any of you could move, the alien being came charging towards you, her spear at the ready.

“T’CHALLA!” you screamed out in warning, as she went straight for him, he lunged out of the way and her scepter missed him by a hairsbreadth, he rolled out of the way as more of the alien outriders started attacking the group.

But the clear commander of the Outriders spoke and they all froze.

“Stop.” Her clear bone chilling voice rang out across the plain, “I want to kill these heroes myself” she sneered.

“Wh-Who are you?” you asked,

The alien laughed, “I am a servant of my master, Thanos destroyer of worlds, a breaker of kings, I am one of five, I am Proxima Midnight.”

Then she flung her scepter to where Steve, Bucky and yourself stood, it immediately transformed into three tracers of black light, you all jumped out of the way with seconds to spare and that gave Proxima Midnight the distraction she needed and she came right for Steve.

As soon as she engaged in combat with Steve, the outriders started attacking again, yourself and Bucky were forced to let Steve fight her alone as you tried to keep the Outriders off you.

“Bucky!” you yelled as you cut down another alien, “We have to help Steve!”

Bucky looked over his shoulder for a second and saw Proxima Midnight knock Steve to the round, he looked battered and bruised,

“She is going to kill him!” you cried out, and it was as if the death itself had heard you, you watched in horror as the alien Proxima Midnight grabbed her scepter and plunged it into Steve’s chest, so deep that it protruded on the other side.

Everything felt like it was in slow motion from that second onward. The scream that erupted from your lips was horrifying, Bucky’s eyes widened with terror as he watched you slice your way through outriders in an attempt to get to Steve,

Proxima Midnight looked back at you with a sinister grin on her face and then cackled, “One down four to go,” she laughed,

T’Challa and Hulk both lunged at her, attacking her simultaneously and drawing her away from Steve.

You ran over to where Steve lay, tears already falling onto your cheeks. “Oh god, Steve, oh god, oh god” you repeated through a torrent of tears, “It’s going to be okay, I got you, you’re fine,” you were babbling trying to cover the gaping gash in his chest where blood poured out from.

“Help me!” you screamed at Bucky, but he stood there in shock looking down at Steve, terror in his eyes.

“Y/N,” Steve said weakly, his bloodied hand touching your face lightly

“Steve, I’m here, I’m here, please hold on.” You sobbed,

Rhodey was suddenly at your side, fighting off the outriders as they rushed towards where you and Steve were. “Bucky, please…” you begged looking up at him, he dropped to his knees beside you and quickly placed his hands over the wound but he knew this was a fatal wound, there was no coming back from this.

“Y/N,” Steve said softly, “It’s okay, let go…”

“No, no no no no no.” Was all you kept saying,

“Buck,” he says, “Pick up my shield…”

“Steve…don’t talk like that, you’re going to be fine,” you choke out through a flood of tears,

“I love you,” he said then began coughing up blood, “I have always loved you, and in any lifetime I will find you and I will love you,” and with that his eyes glazed over and he took his last breath.

“Steve,” you cried, “Steve, no listen to me you have to hold on, I love you please I can’t do this without you,” you were frantic now, trying to cull the wounds, but Bucky stopped you,

“Y/N!” He said softly, “He is gone, stop!” he grabbed your hands pulling you into an embrace and you tried to pull away,

“No, I can save him, Bucky please!” you sobbed trying to get back to Steve’s lifeless body,

“Guys, I know this is a hard time right now, but we need some help, Caps gone we need to evac” you heard Rhodey say over the comms, and that’s when you suddenly felt like ice was injected into your veins.

You stopped crying and wiped the tears from your face, Steve’s blood still dripping from your hands and you looked at Bucky.

“The vision, I saw in Wanda’s room.” You say to him, “Was this, all of this, I saw Steve die, I saw everyone die, I knew this was coming and I did nothing.”

“Y/N its not your fault,” Bucky tried to reason with you,

“But it is! I knew this was going to happen! I should have never let him fight her!” you protested,

Bucky moved closer to you, and placed his hands on your shoulders, “Y/N, we have to get Steve’s body out of here,” he said quietly, “I need you to help me,”

You looked at Steve’s lifeless body on the ground and held back your tears, “I am going to kill her with my bare hands,” you growled picking up your twin blade, “Get Steve’s body out of here” you say to Bucky,

“No! you are going to get yourself killed!” Bucky shouted as you stalked away towards Proxima Midnight who was battling Hulk in that moment.

“Proxima Midnight!” you screamed across the plain, and the alien stops fighting Hulk and looks at you with a grin that could chill your bones.

“Have you come to die?” She sneered,

“Have you?” You shot back, readying your blade to take her on.

_____________________________________________

Panic set in when Bucky saw you lunge at Proxima Midnight, going rampant attacking her, he knew you weren’t thinking clearly at this point and he needed to get you out of there.

“Hulk, get Steve back to the citadel!” he shouted, and the hulk roared in response and picked up Steve’s body and bounding away,

Bucky ran towards T’Challa, fighting off the aliens that kept attacking. His heart thundering in his chest as he watched Y/N and Proxima Midnight rip into each other.

All he could think was ‘I can’t lose both of them today’ and that gave him the incentive to push forward and get her out of there.

______________________________________________

 

Proxima Midnight launched her deadly scepter at you again, you had to skid to the side to avoid being hit by one of the black beams. You were growing tired but the vengeance that pulsed through you gave you the kick of adrenaline you were looking for.

 

You attacked her again, brandishing your blade you dived at her, swining your blade at her face but made a fatal error and misjudged the timing. Proxima Midnight saw this as an opportunity and she grabbed ahold of you Vibranium prosthetic,

“Pah! Look at this weak pathetic arm, let me rid you of it” she sneered and then proceeded to rip the prosthetic off.

You screamed out in agony, blinding pain flashing across your entire body. Blood dripping from the wound where the prosthetic used to be. In the distance you heard Bucky scream your name, for a moment Proxima Midnight turned away and you saw this as your chance, with your other hand you grabbed the blade nearest to you and plunged it into her abdomen.

She hissed in pain and looked down at the blade and then at you, on the floor a bloodied mess.

“You’re wasting my time, you mewling quim” she spat, “Time to die!”

Proxima Midnight grabbed you by the throat and lifted you off the ground your feet dangling, as you gasped for breath. “Any last words human?” she mocked,

You were clawing at her arm as you tried to escape her grip, again you heard Bucky screaming your name repeatedly, T’Challa tried to attack Proxima Midnight but she dodges his attack still holding your neck in her vice grip.

And in a moment, that felt like an eternity, you saw it coming. Her golden scepter as she shoved it into your chest, at first you felt no pain, as she dropped you and you stumbled backwards looking down at the wound in your chest. Then you felt it, the pain and weakening sensation spread across your body as you fell to the floor, blinking rapidly as your body tried to register what had just happened.

Gasping for air, you could feel your lungs filling with your blood, the agony had begun. Bucky was at your side, shouting something at you but you couldn’t hear him. Tears falling onto his face, his arms were around you pulling you into an embrace,

“B-bucky,” you cough, every breath agonizing,

“Y/N, hold on okay.” He says frantically picking you up and he began running toward the citadel with you,

Everything is a blur, You see T’Challa, Hulk, Rhodey and you think Tony all rushing beside you. your senses are dulling, and you can feel yourself dying. You couldn’t help but smile, at least you wouldn’t have to live without Steve.

Bucky places you on the cold metal slab, and Shuri is immediately beside you trying to help you, but there is just too much blood. You feel Bucky beside you, and you grab his hand, gripping it tightly.

Shuri looked at Bucky and the rest of the team and slowly shook her head, they knew what it meant, they couldn’t do anything for you. Death already had you in his vice grip…

“Bucky, please be okay.” You exhaled in agony,

“I’m here, Y/N,” he said quietly,

You look into his steel blue eyes and smiled, you vision dimming.

“Hey Buck, remember the night we first met?” you say softly,

“Yeah, of course I do,” he replied, 

“That was the best night of my life, you have always been the best part of my life,” you say breathlessly,

“Y/N…” he choked through tears, unable to say anything more,

“I love you, please be okay,” you whisper,

___________________________________

(listen while you read)

Bucky watched as Y/N took her final breath, and his heart felt like it had been ripped from his chest. He didn’t care what was happening outside of the medic bay where he sat with her now lifeless body. He felt hollow and empty. He heard T’Challa say the defenses were up and they would hold but he didn’t care, he heard Tony who had just arrived ask where Steve was, and someone break the news to him, he could hear the shouts of grief from the other room when they were told that Captain America had not made it. But he couldn’t move,

Bucky felt frozen for what seemed like an eternity, he held onto Y/N’s hand and sobbed freely. The pain and grief consuming him entirely. it was not supposed to end this way for any of them. He stayed there until Tony came into the room,

“Bucky,” Tony said quietly, the grief evident in his voice, “They have to take her,”

Bucky sighed deeply, wiping the tears away and standing up. he couldn’t look at Tony, he was racked with guilt, he somehow felt like this was his fault. Bucky felt like he had left Steve down most of all, because it was the one thing Steve had said to him before this war had begun,

‘Protect Y/N with your life’

And he failed.

Bucky walked out of the room, to face the rest of the team. They had all gathered together, looking at him, sadness clung like mist in the air. He looked at each of their faces, and just shook his head ever so slightly and they all knew what had happened.

Wanda broke down crying, and Bucky went over to her to comfort her. In that moment he could not find the words, he just hugged her, knowing the grief she felt would be inconsolable.

A few days later 

Bucky stood over their graves, the slight drizzle dampening his clothes and hiding the tears that fell. He felt like he had failed them, after so many decades and so many battlefields, he always thought he would go first and Steve would get to live the life he always wanted to with the love of his life and a family. He flashed back to the moment he saw Proxima Midnight rip off Y/N’s prosthetic arm. The blood was everywhere, but she didn’t stop. She fought till her last breath to protect Steve, to protect him from a fate that was inescapable for both of them.

He was glad they had each other at the end, he had seen the love Steve had for Y/N and it was fierce and unyielding, he knew Y/N wouldn’t have been able to survive had she lived and Steve hadn’t and vice versa. Yet he stood there in the beautiful Wakandan forest cemetery at the graves of the two people he loved with his entirety, and he felt hollow. The moment he saw Steve die and Y/N go into a murderous rage, it was like he saw death’s icy grip reach down and touch them both. It was almost biblical.

Bucky wiped his bruised, marred face with the back of his hand, “I guess you two really were meant to be, in life and in death” he murmured, a dull ache in his chest and a lump in his throat, “I am sorry I broke my promise Steve, I couldn’t keep her safe, I didn’t protect her but wherever the two of you are, I hope you’re together and you’re finally at peace…”

And with that James Buchanan Barnes picked up the shield, and adjusted the blue, red and white suit. “The burden of Captain America falls to me now.” He said, then slung the shield over his shoulder and into its clip in a way only Steve Rogers did, and he walked away from their graves with a heavy heart and a determined mind.

The friggin’ end.


End file.
